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Missing Comic Industry Females Located in Binders Full of Women

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LOLtron
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Missing Comic Industry Females Located in Binders Full of Women

Postby LOLtron » Wed Oct 17, 2012 12:55 pm

Missing Comic Industry Females Located in Binders Full of Women

After a yearlong search by the comics blogosphere to address gender disparity in the comic book industry, the missing creators have been located inside magical binders full of women.



Source: Binder Full of Sources

For months, websites like Bleeding Cool and MarvelFemalesPunchingButts have been complaining endlessly about the lack of female representation in comic books, from the characters that appear on the pages, to the people that work on the books behind the scenes. Last night, a startling discovery was made. Women DO want to work in the comic book industry. However, upon arriving at the offices of DC comics for job interviews, they are often captured and imprisoned in a series of magical binders in Geoff Johns' office. These binders were then distributed to various Illuminati members for presumably nefarious purposes, including Mitt Romney, who used the binders as a talking point last night during the debates.

There may be trouble in paradise, however. After last night's presidential debate, Johns and fellow DC executive Dan Didio were said to be extremely upset, believing that Romney's exposing of the binders on national television may have spoiled an upcoming DC Comics mega-event. In Infinite Zero Binder Crisis Point, Kyle Rayner's girlfriend's second cousin is abducted by a polygamous religious cult and stuffed into a "Binder of Rapieness" by the nefarious villain Dr. Light. Comic book spoilers are a real problem affecting the comic industry, just like rampant sexism, digital comics destroying the direct market, and flying unicorns. Didio went so far as to accuse the Romney campaign of being in league with white knight tabloid website Bleeding Cool, though the Outhouse finds this doubtful, since the Romney campaign is known for citing its sources.

As to why DC Comics would be both keeping women in binders in real life and doing so in a fictional comics event, the motivation remains unclear. However, political analysts who have examined the issue assure us that the concept is just as viable as a tax plan that promises to cut taxes for rich people and middle class families alike without decreasing revenue. "We're going to close loopholes," Johns assured us, smiling broadly.

Since the revelation that DC Comics has been storing female creators and other professionals inside binders instead of giving them jobs in the comic book industry, some have wondered if the binders are also the location of missing DC comic book creators like Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, and Donna Troy. Didio, however, denies these accusations.

"Stephanie Brown is not in these binders, and she will not be appearing in the binders in the near future," said Didio. It is believed that DC brass may be concerned that the toxicity of Brown and her cohorts would pollute the binders, allowing the women to escape.

Not all of the responses have been negative, however. Reigning Kickstarter champion and actual female DC comic book creator Gail Simone is actually pleased by the revelation. "I haven't had a really good chance to exercise my righteous indignation muscles since the unfortunate refrigerator incident. Finally, women are being stuffed into something again, which gives me something to rail against."

It gives us all something to rail against. And for that, we thank DC Comics and Mitt Romney.



Written or Contributed by Jude Terror




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