Advertisement

Disaster Prep 101: Survival

Discuss the latest comic book news and front page articles, read or post your own reviews of comics, and talk about anything comic book related. Threads from the two subforums below will also show up here. News Stand topics can also be read and posted in from The Asylum.

Hey you! Reader! Want to be a part of the GREATEST COMIC BOOK AND GEEK COMMUNITY on the web?! Logged in users see WAY LESS ADS, so why not register? It's fast and it's easy, like your mom! Sign up today! Membership spots are limited!*

*Membership spots not really limited!

LOLtron
User avatar
YOU WILL NEED A NURSE
 
Posts: 26040
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 360 posts
Joined: Mon May 18, 2009 1:54 pm


Disaster Prep 101: Survival

Postby LOLtron » Mon Oct 29, 2012 9:33 pm

Disaster Prep 101: Survival

How to survive : Tips for surviving the end of the world and various other disasters



Source: CDC

 

With Frankenstorm and Hurricane Sandy freaking everyone out (and creating a giant influx of storm mocking memes) this Outhouse writer decided that a little preparedness couldn’t hurt.  In fact, I’m going to do you one better and compile a giant help page that you may find useful in a variety of disaster situations.  With no further ado, good luck and god speed.

The Disaster Kit:  For ANY survival situation

I’m just going to link the CDC here because I’m lazy.  http://emergency.cdc.gov/preparedness/kit/disasters/

And now….. the fun stuff!

Hurricane:

1 – Battening down the hatches

2- Snorkel, wet suit, flippers and a boat

3- Mental resolve to ignore the dolphins hitting your window.  It’s the hurricane baiting you.  Don’t take it!

 

Angry Volcano:

1-      Virgin (male or female, however the females tend to look better in the coconut bikini)

2-      Coconut bikini

3-      Witch Doctor to supervise

4-      Burly native to toss aforementioned virgin into the hot magma

5-      Ability to resist saying ‘don’t touch the lava!’ when throwing the virgin into the lava

 

Zombies Apocalypse:

1-      Guns, guns and more guns

2-      Ammo

3-      Nerves of steel

4-      Underground shelter with solar power panels above ground

5-      Backup guns and ammo

6-      Hydroponic farm in above mentioned shelter

7-      Valuables to barter

 

Justin Bieber Concert:

1-      Ear plugs

2-      Monster truck to run over screaming teens as you escape

 

Tornado:

1-      Ruby slippers

2-      Extended arsenal of super soakers to battle the wicked witch

3-      Just saying no to drugs

 

Godzilla:

1-      Find a group of sumo wrestlers and blend in

2-      Trip at least one wrestler while trying to run away

3-      Use the diversion to find shelter

4-      Summon Mothra, King Kong or Japanese technology to defeat Godzilla

5-      NEVER under any circumstances summon Godzuki

 

Horror Movie:

1-      Establishing what genre you’re in (if you’re in a spoof, just sit back and say a few witty lines.  You’ll make it into the sequel even if you die)

2-      Adaptability and/or purity.  Only the innocent, clueless and ruthless survive

Power Outage:

1-      If you’re reading this you’ve already learned how to take your phone/iPad/laptop to a someplace with free Wi-Fi. *slow clap*

 

Air Raid:

1-      Sturdy desk

2-      1950’s innocence

Atomic Bomb:

1-      You’re probably dust, kiss your ass goodbye

2-      If you do survive, you’ll probably grow a second ass, or arm…or leg…

 

AIRBHG: Angry Iowa Running Back Hating God

1-      Realize AIRBHG will smite your RB no matter what

2-      Having a deep enough RB depth chart

3-      Lots of mental toughness

4-      Understand the fact that just because your RB doesn’t play for Iowa, or isn’t a RB, he’s not safe.  AIRBHG doesn’t discriminate

 

Taylor Swift break-up song.

1-      Lots of tissue paper

2-      Knowing to count to ten when you have an urge to key your ex's truck

3-      Realize that you might actually be the problem in all these relationships



Written or Contributed by Sarah Sed


READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!
Image

Advertisement

Zechs
User avatar
Outhouse Editor
 
Posts: 44397
Likes: 193 posts
Liked in: 344 posts
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2006 9:10 pm
Location: From Parts Unknown
Title: Deposted Despot
Formerly: Blight, Deacon Frost, Heinrich Himmler of S_D


Re: Disaster Prep 101: Survival

Postby Zechs » Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:12 pm

I'm a MASTER of these situations. 8)
Image
Image

Image


sdsichero wrote:
I especially like and admire Zechs. He's everything I wish I could be!

Dragavon wrote:Zechs... is...

Zechs...is...

I can't say it. It's too horrible. Zechs...is...not...wrong...

sdsichero
User avatar
2k11 Outhouse People's Champion
 
Posts: 72472
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 881 posts
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:25 pm
Location: Secret Base, Honolulu, HI
Title: Adventure is out there
Formerly: beta-ray


Re: Disaster Prep 101: Survival

Postby sdsichero » Mon Oct 29, 2012 10:29 pm

It's "Godzooky".

Image

covalesky
User avatar
Expert Post Whore
 
Posts: 5290
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 1 post
Joined: Fri Sep 03, 2010 11:48 am


Re: Disaster Prep 101: Survival

Postby covalesky » Tue Oct 30, 2012 3:43 am

Just follow Sheldon.

leave a comment with facebook


Return to The News Stand



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 76 guests

Advertisement