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by **LOLtron** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:03 am

Republicans Double Down on Stupidity After Election Loss

Party officials attribute Mitt Romney's defeat to "not enough racism, sexism, and homophobia."

A dejected Republican party was confused and somber Tuesday night as election results came in declaring Barack Obama the winner of the presidential race. Despite a massive push toward campaigning against gay rights, abortion, immigration, and equality in general, Mitt Romney was unable to secure what seemed like an easy victory over President Obama, who presided over one of the worst economic recessions in United States history. However, GOP strategists remain undeterred.

"Obviously, we didn't hate hard enough," said Rush Limbaugh, leader of the Republican party. "Governor Romney focused too much on unimportant issues like the economy and foriegn policy, when what the American people really want is assurances that men won't be allowed to marry each other. It was a grave error, but one that we won't repeat in 2016."

Reportedly, the Republican party machine is already preparing for the next election cycle by making animated gifs of aborted fetuses with which to inundate Facebook and Twitter, as well as training potential candidates to make more insanely out of touch statements about rape and binders full of women. Based on the principle that no publicity is bad publicity, officials hope that said statements will become viral internet memes that, while making Republicans look at best ridiculous, and at worst like psychopaths, at least increase the candidates' name recognition.

"We have to take exposure where we can get it," said Sean Hannity, another top party official. "The liberal media won't give us any coverage."

"We lost this one, unfortunately," commented Glenn Beck, chairman of the GOP. "The affluent white males who vote in this country weren't energized enough. We hope that, by increasing the focus on ludicrous religious values and social issues that were important to people in the 1950s and mostly ignoring the seeming no-brainer of attacking the abysmal economic performance of the Obama administration, we'll be able to turn this thing around and win in 2016."

The Outhouse informed Mr. Beck that affluent white males were not the only people allowed to vote in the United States. In fact, blacks, Hispanics, women, and even homosexuals are legally permitted to vote in all U.S. elections.

"What?!" replied Beck, shuffling nervously through some papers as a murmur of shock spread across Romney campaign headquarters. "Are you sure?"

"Nah nah nah nah," said Romney campaign manager Ethan Van Sciver, covering his ears with both hands, when we reached out to him for comment. "I can't hear you."

It seems the Republican party has some soul searching to do.

Written or Contributed by Jude Terror

READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!

by **Herald** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:10 am

On Fox's broadcast coverage, one of the pundits was just incredulously saying that the Republicans must have somehow thought that blacks, women, and minorities weren't going to show up to vote. :lol:

by **S.F. Jude Terror** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:25 am

Herald wrote:On Fox's broadcast coverage, one of the pundits was just incredulously saying that the Republicans must have somehow thought that blacks, women, and minorities weren't going to show up to vote.

by **Log-Man** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:30 am

by **GLX** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:17 am

So, politics is fair game for the front page now?

by **xaraan** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:20 am

Only on presidential election nights and satire maybe

by **GLX** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:25 am

xaraan wrote:Only on presidential election nights and satire maybe

So, if the Democrats lost then "Democrats Double Down on Stupidity After Election Loss" would've been fair game?

I can deal with some of the satire, but The Outhouse is a site mainly focused on comics and other things like video games, if I recall correctly. Just doesn't gel to have political material on the front page, considering the bulk of our content. :smt102

by **guitarsmashley** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:29 am

GLX wrote:
So, if the Democrats lost then "Democrats Double Down on Stupidity After Election Loss" would've been fair game?

I can deal with some of the satire, but The Outhouse is a site mainly focused on comics and other things like video games, if I recall correctly. Just doesn't gel to have political material on the front page, considering the bulk of our content.

Ummm EVS-Mitt Romney chearleader. COme on.

by **S.F. Jude Terror** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:30 am

GLX wrote:
So, if the Democrats lost then "Democrats Double Down on Stupidity After Election Loss" would've been fair game?

I can deal with some of the satire, but The Outhouse is a site mainly focused on comics and other things like video games, if I recall correctly. Just doesn't gel to have political material on the front page, considering the bulk of our content.

I would definitely have made fun of whatever party lost. It is election night, for tonight, this is pop culture. Plus, I threw an EVS quote in there.

by **S.F. Jude Terror** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:31 am

My Twitter feed, which is nothing but comic creators, is all about the election.

by **GLX** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:33 am

S.F. Jude Terror wrote:
I would definitely have made fun of whatever party lost. It is election night, for tonight, this is pop culture. Plus, I threw an EVS quote in there.

I can understand. Just think that covering politics on the front page is a slippery slope. I almost posted the news story about the custom Marvel comic at the Brooklyn Nets game (with a eminent domain reference that's relevant to their arena's construction), but I backed out because it was a political reference.

Plus, I prefer not to get mean-spirited. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

by **sdsichero** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:43 am

GLX wrote:
I can understand. Just think that covering politics on the front page is a slippery slope. I almost posted the news story about the custom Marvel comic at the Brooklyn Nets game (with a eminent domain reference that's relevant to their arena's construction), but I backed out because it was a political reference.

Plus, I prefer not to get mean-spirited. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

That was actually Jude's penis

by **Royal Nonesuch** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 2:45 am

GLX wrote:
I can understand. Just think that covering politics on the front page is a slippery slope. I almost posted the news story about the custom Marvel comic at the Brooklyn Nets game (with a eminent domain reference that's relevant to their arena's construction), but I backed out because it was a political reference.

Plus, I prefer not to get mean-spirited. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

You totally should write that article.