Kevin Clash, the puppeteer and voice of Sesame Street's Elmo, has been accused of having a relationship with a sixteen year old boy.
Source: LA Times
November 12, 2012, Sesame Street - Humans and monsters everywhere were outraged Monday morning as news broke of a scandal involving puppeteer Kevin Clash, who has been the voice of the lovably obnoxious Elmo for the past twenty-seven years. Clash has taken a leave of absence from Sesame Street after accusations surfaced that he was involved in an inappropriate sexual relationship with a teenage boy.
The boy, now twenty-three, claims that the relationship began when he was sixteen. Clash, however, insists that the boy was eighteen before any buggery occurred. "Elmo loves his goldfish," said Clash, speaking candidly to The Outhouse. "And legal sex with consenting, overage boys too."
Clash was recently the subject of the documentary film Being Elmo, which was about as popular as a film depicting the life of a person who portrays one of the most obnoxious characters in children's entertainment can be, and which showed Clash in a flattering light. Sesame Street itself has also been in the spotlight lately after the destruction of star Big Bird became one of the talking points of the Mitt Romney presidential campaign.
The Outhouse, attempting to immerse itself in the seedy underbelly of Elmo's World, attempted to "ask a baby" for its thoughts on the scandal, but the baby responded with nothing but gibberish, because babies can't fucking talk. However, we are reasonably certain that Clash did not molest this particular baby, which is a point in his favor.
Sesame Workshop claims to have conducted an investigation, and Workshop investigator and self-proclaimed "world's greatest detective" Sherlock Hemlock claims that the results were elementary and did not implicate Clash in any kind of wrongdoing. We asked Hemlock if this was a real investigation, or the sort of investigation conducted by organizations such as the Catholic Church or the Boy Scouts of America. Shouting "Egad," Hemlock then excused himself, claiming to have just located a clue in a very important case involving the letter X.
The Outhouse will keep readers appraised of the latest developments of this story, which has been brought to you by the number 16 and the letters p, e, d, and o.
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!