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Rumor: Darth Vader Will Return in Star Wars Episode 7

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LOLtron

Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:27 pm

Rumor: Darth Vader Will Return in Star Wars Episode 7

A British tabloid is claiming that Darth Vader will be ressurected to appear in Star Wars Episode 7.



Source: The Express

The Daily Express, a legitimate news source and print equivalent of Bleeding Cool is claiming that Darth "Karl Rove" Vader will be resurrected in the new Star Wars trilogy. The newspaper, which claims it heard about the rumor "from a reader" (read: another website, probably), states that the villain has already been tapped to return for the new movies along with main characters Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Leia Organa.

"He’s an integral part of the franchise," claims a mole via the Express. "Replacing him is virtually impossible. The plan is for him to return and play a significant role in the new films."

Obviously, this should be taken with a grain of salt, but if The Express's infiltration skills are anything like Bleeding Cool's, their version of Rich Johnston has been wearing sunglasses and a fake mustache, posing as George Lucas's assistant, for several months already, and, after learning of the Darth Vader news, made a daring escape from the Skywalker Ranch by clutching the landing skids of a helicopter as an enraged Lucas and his guards fired assault rifles wildly into the air.

Upon learning of this rumor, fans stoically and silently accepted that the new Star Wars movies might not live up to their expectations if dumbass things like bringing back Darth Vader were going to happen. Several moments later, George Lucas edited footage of the fans in order to make sure that their disappointment was made really clear, using computer audio editing technology to make the fans scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Star Wars: Episode 7, a product of the recent Disney acquisition of Lucasfilm, is due out in 2015, with additional movies to follow. The films have seen treatments written by Michael Arndt, and several big name directors are being considered to direct.

 



Written or Contributed by Jude Terror




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User avatar

HNutz

Rain Partier

Postby HNutz » Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:59 pm

I've got a bad feeling about this.
User avatar

nietoperz

The Goddamn Bat-min

Postby nietoperz » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:01 pm

The Express is really not a legitimate news source. I'd say it's about the least reliable of all UK papers (and all things considered, that's really saying something).
User avatar

Chris

Rain Partier

Postby Chris » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:04 pm

Another day, another SW rumor.

The Outhouse should throw their hat in the ring.
User avatar

nietoperz

The Goddamn Bat-min

Postby nietoperz » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:08 pm

Chris wrote:Another day, another SW rumor.

The Outhouse should throw their hat in the ring.


That's actually a really good idea. :twisted:
User avatar

S.F. Jude Terror

OMCTO

Postby S.F. Jude Terror » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:09 pm

Let's invent one here. What should it be?
User avatar

nietoperz

The Goddamn Bat-min

Postby nietoperz » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:13 pm

It's going to be a musical!
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e_galston

Staff Writer

Postby e_galston » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:30 pm

Jar Jar Binks' decendant will be in the next one..
User avatar

Stalzer2002

Motherfucker from Hell

Postby Stalzer2002 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:34 pm

S.F. Jude Terror wrote:Let's invent one here. What should it be?


Hmm...

Han Salo will be shot and killed in the Mos Eisley Cantina by Greedo Jr.

Luke Skywalker joins the Dark Side, becomes Homicidal Clown

Sesame Street's Grover will appear as a Master Jedi
User avatar

LoganRSA

FROGMAN

Postby LoganRSA » Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:20 pm

Yoda's clone becomes the new Sith lord.
User avatar

DMM

Rain Partier

Postby DMM » Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:54 pm

You guys actually have some pretty swell ideas!
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holtom2000

dINGO

Postby holtom2000 » Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:14 pm

HNutz wrote:I've got a bad feeling about this.

Lol
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S.F. Jude Terror

OMCTO

Postby S.F. Jude Terror » Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:06 pm

Ha! Facebook comments are going nuts on the front page. We definitely need our own rumor.
User avatar

LoganRSA

FROGMAN

Postby LoganRSA » Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:23 pm

Lando's brain is an AI in the new Millenium Falcon, won by Han's kid, Shya Solo, in a poker game.
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sdsichero

2k11 Outhouse People's Champion

Postby sdsichero » Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:07 pm

Log-Man wrote:Lando's brain is an AI in the new Millenium Falcon, won by Han's kid, Shya Solo, in a poker game.


I already said on the podcast that Shia LeBeouf will be taking over for Harrison Ford.

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