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[LOLtron]

Dozens of newspaper readers were disappointed.

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Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

What do the Washington Post, the New York Times, USA Today and the Wall Street Journal have in common?  Not a single one of them took the opportunity to spoil today's Amazing Spider-Man #698, which launches a controversial relationship between Peter Parker and Doctor Octopus. 

Newspaper readers everywhere were disappointed to see that their chosen news sources neglected to pick up the story, choosing to focus on topics such as the looming fiscal cliff, the latest Israel-Gaza Strip conflict and the controversial Presidential pardons of two turkeys. 

"I can't believe that I actually have to go into a comic book store to read what happened to Spider-Man," said John Miller, one of the Washington Post's few remaining subscribers.  "I bet the Post didn't spoil the ending to Anna Karenina either.  I'm dropping my subscription after this." 

Luckily, disappointed readers could still rely on the Internet for answers.  "After I didn't see anything about Spider-Man in the Times, I looked online," said Gabby Flufferpuff, a married mother of three.  "Not only did I get the spoilers I needed, I also discovered that the Internet is filled with thousands of news sites that provide instant coverage of pertinent events.  I don't see why I'd ever have to buy a newspaper again!

It's unknown whether newspapers will choose to cover the next meaningless controversial death or event or whether these archaic news outlets will finally die the dignified deaths they deserve.  The Outhouse will keep you updated as additional news happens. 

Written or Contributed by ThanosCopter

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READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!

[Punchy]

Oh Dear

[Lord Simian]

Lack of spoilers in the USA today raped my childhood.

I hope Marvel get the help it needs. (to get the news out, of course.)

[Lord Ice]

It's a sad state when kids have to learn spoilers on the internet instead of spending good clean quality porn time.

[draco x]

It's a sad state when kids have to learn spoilers on the internet instead of spending good clean quality porn time.

[Victorian Squid]