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Catcrunching: Exposing the Dirty Double Standard in the Comic Industry

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Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Thu Jan 03, 2013 1:53 pm

Catcrunching: Exposing the Dirty Double Standard in the Comic Industry

ThanosCopter takes a look at the stunning lack of cats representation in the comic book industry.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

Outhouse resident number cruncher ThanosCopter here.  As someone who's been familiar with numbers since the fourth grade, I thought it was time to use my statistical prowess for good and bring light to one of the most shameful parts of the comic book industry, namely the severe underrepresentation of cats in the industry today.

Yesterday saw the debut of All New X-Men #5, which showcased a new non-feline look for the Beast.  This example of feline-bending is the comic industry latest insult at attacking one of the most prominent minorities in American households today.

Let's take a look at some of the prominent cat and cat-themed characters today:

Dex-Starr: angry anti-hero who barely exhibits any normal cat behavior.

Black Cat: purring jezebel who stalks from human to human, presenting herself to heroes such as Spider-Man and Daredevil, playing on the shameful stereotypes that have afflicted cats for generations.

Catwoman: In a sexual relationship with Batman, who may or may not have rabies.  Rabies is typically fatal to cats.

Tigra: currently depicted as in a relationship with Yellowjacket, despite cat's well-known hatred of insects.  Not once has Tigra been depicted as trying to kill or harm Yellowjacket. 

Kitty Pryde:  dating Iceman, ignoring cat's well-known dislike of water.  Also, Iceman has long been considered to be the bum of the X-Men, and is typically paired with characters with low self-esteem or snowmen issues.

Other prominent cat characters such as Streaky the Super Cat, Alley Kat-abra, Catman and Donna Troy have all been recently erased from continuity. 

Here's a detailed graph of cat comic book characters to non-cat characters.  Non-cat characters are shown in red.  Cat characters are shown in blue.

Note the lack of blue in the graph.

Even worse than how cat characters are depicted in comics are how woefully underrepresented they are in the workforce.  A detailed examination of comic book credits showed that there were very few cat creators or editors working for Marvel or DC.  In fact, with the exception of known feline John Cassaday (who spends 22 hours a day sleeping or distracted by shiny objects) neither Marvel nor DC employ any cats.  We asked Cassaday for comment on the treatment of his fellow cat-people, but the artist had located a spot on the floor which had been warmed by a sunbeam all morning. "Puuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr," he told us, before rolling onto his back several times and then closing his eyes, done with the conversation.

Here's a graph of cat creators to non-cat creators working for the big Two currently.  Cat creators are represented in blue.  Non cat creators are depicted in red.

Note the lack of blue in the graph.

It's quite shocking how underrepresented cats are in today's industry.  Not only would cats bring instant popularity to the titles they're working on, they'd also handle Internet arguments with a great deal more class than many of the industry's more cantankerous creators.  Here's a simulated Internet conversation between an angry fan and a cat.

Angry Fan: So, in conclusion, I feel that you're depiction of Teen Titans doesn't line up with the events of Teen Titans: The Training Bra Years and I hope you die.

Cat: Asdgk[0iwr='';[lp[kiasdfasdf66666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666

Angry Fan: What are you doing?  Are you sitting on the keyboard?

Cat: 666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666

Angry Fan: I demand that you listen to --

Cat: 666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666

Obviously, the cat has the upper hand.

What's even worse is how little either company cares about cat representation in comics. I spoke with Joe Quesada about the underrepresentation of cats in today's industry.  The following is a transcript of the conversation.

TC: Mr. Quesada, why doesn't Marvel employ more cats?
JQ: Listen, I have nothing against cats. They're so cute. I love when you put a little bit of catnip in their food and they run around like lunatics. It's so funny.
TC: Are you admitting to getting cats high without their consent for your own amusement?
JQ: What? Cats love catnip.
TC: Do they?
JQ: I'm pretty sure...
TC: Do they?!

Quesada then tried to distract me by pointing a laser at the wall and moving the laser dot back and forth for two minutes.  I was not amused.

In conclusion, cat representation in comics has hit an all time low.  Instead of employing creators like Scott Lobdell, J T Krul, Daniel Way, or Jonathan Maberry, why not employ a cat instead? 

I'll finish up this article by posting pictures of cats I feel could write a better Spider-Man story than Dan Slott.

That last one is Robert Kirkman's cat Flufferbutt, who appears to be enjoying some of the profits of The Walking Dead.  You know who's not enjoying the profits of The Walking Dead?  Any comic book creator not named Robert Kirkman, Charlie Adlard, Tony Moore or Flufferbutt.

Written or Contributed by ThanosCopter

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Postby superfictious » Thu Jan 03, 2013 2:07 pm

Shouldn't LOLcat have posted this?
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Rain Partier

Postby bkthomson » Thu Jan 03, 2013 2:42 pm

False Prophet wrote:Shouldn't LOLcat have posted this?

He cost too much since he went viral.
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<( ' . ' )>

Postby Keb » Thu Jan 03, 2013 10:28 pm

Cats suck and don't belong in comics.

Ebony Hide in Elephantmen has cats, but he is also and old lady trapped in the body of a giant elephant/human hybrid killing machine so it makes sense.
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WTF is this rank?

Postby Chesscub » Fri Jan 04, 2013 9:34 am

bkthomson wrote:He cost too much since he went viral.

Feline leukemia sucks. :-(
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Johnny Smith

biny little tird

Postby Johnny Smith » Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:35 am

Dex-Starr is the greatest creation ever

Killing that guard because he has a similar chin spike to the Midnighter is ...something a cat would do :lol:

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2k11 Outhouse People's Champion

Postby sdsichero » Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:20 pm

One cat is too many.

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