The latest Marvel NOW! "to be continued" teaser showcases Avengers Arena, pisses off 13 year olds on Tumblr demographic.
Source: Press Release
When Avengers Arena was first announced as part of the Marvel NOW! sales gimmick, emotional pre-teens and their more embarrassing cousins, fully grown fanboys, took to Tumblr, a social networking site, to express their displeasure and threaten to commit suicide if their favorite characters were killed (really). Fast forward to yesterday, when Marvel released a teaser for the second story arc of the controversial comic. The teaser depicts the comic as a board game and feature Darkhawk, a character who was murdered in the latest issue of the comic. The teaser is being widely interpreted as confirming theories that the wholesale slaughter of Marvel's teen heroes is taking place in a virtual reality simulation of some kind.
One would think that this revelation would please the Tumblrsphere, who have been QQing about the series for months. However, it seems to have only created even more "feels," a Tumblr-specific term referring to a burning sensation in the vaginal area.
"Why is Marvel toying with my emotions!" wrote one Tumblr blogger. "I had just come to accept the death of my favorite teen characters, after going through all the stages of grief! Now Marvel is telling me he's not really dead? Dennis Hopeless, you are the worst person ever!"
The uptick in Tumblr crying over Avengers Arena comes after the recent news that Tumblr has surpassed Facebook in terms of social network usage for people ages 18-25 and the severely emotionally disturbed. This, in turn, leads us to return to a conspiracy we investigated last year, which alleged that Avengers Arena writer Dennis Hopeless, who was relatively unknown before the series and cannot be real because he is a comic book writer with a hot wife, was actually disgruntled Batgirl writer Gail Simone. However, taking recent events into consideration, The Outhouse is forced to retract that theory, and now believes that Hopeless is actually Facebook founder and douchebag Mark Zuckerburg. Through Avengers Arena, Mark "Dennis Hopeless" Zuckerburg clearly plans to drive Tumblr users to their self-inflicted deaths, allowing his company to retake the social networking crown.
The Outhouse will keep you updated on this shocking conspiracy, as soon as we find time in between writing articles about The Big Bang Theory and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
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