Outhouse staff writer IvCNuB4 posts the latest Age of Ultron teaser in the forums to spite ThanosCopter for all his DC jokes in articles this morning.
Source: The Outhouse Forums
It's tough to be a fan of DC Comics these days. The company's boneheaded decision-making is often so comically inept that it's difficult to tell the difference between a real DC announcement and one we made up for laughs. The pressure of this stressful lifestyle has finally gotten to Outhouse staff writer IvCNuB4, a huge DC fan, who cracked this morning and spitefully published a news story about Marvel's latest Age of Ultron teaser... on the FORUMS!
"Let's see ThanosCopter make fun of this one after the Outhouse forums use up all the good jokes," gloated B4, his eyes darting around nervously. "He and his cronies have only got four or five jokes they recycle for every article anyway. Odds are, the forum posters will use them all up before Copter even has a chance!"
"That's not true," shouted an indignant Jude Terror, in a quote we made up.2 "That type of unoriginality might fly over at Bleeding Cool,3 but here at The Outhouse, we would never take our journalistic responsibilities as anything less than 100% serious.4 I see where IvCNuB4 is coming from, but scooping us with a forum thread is a real cheap shot, like making fun of Scott Snyder's third nipple.5"
"I'm not angry though," Terror continued, frowning. "I just hope that the lack of an article properly making fun of this Age of Ultron teaser doesn't cause any harm to distraught readers who rely on The Outhouse for their daily dose of hastily written satire.6"
In any case, B4's attack was a rousing success. Besides the reporter's own joke that the teaser below features "50% more scars and missing eyes," forum commenters rushed to take all the good jokes only moments after the forum thread appeared.
"Crossover alert: that's not Steve Rogers. Eyepatch and that scar? That's John Lynch," said one commenter, while another added, "That's Wasp as Quasar, Cap as Nick Fury and Cyclops as Cable, FYI."
"Excessive pouches and scars?" asked a third. "Check. A character that doesn't need a handgun carrying around a handgun? Check. Robotic arm? Check. If I didn't know any better, I would swear that its the 1990's all over again!"
Luckily, a professional reporter like Jude Terror isn't going to be deterred by something as trivial as a lack of anything original to say. "Hell, I could probably just make an article about not being able to make an article," said Jude Terror, smugly. "Our readers are too stupid to realize how lazy I'm being anyway.7"
That part is probably true.
"See?" Terror concluded, after going back over his article and counting the jokes. "We don't just have four or five jokes. We have at least seven or eight.8"
Age of Ultron #7 (yes, this article is actually about something) hits stores in may. Enjoy the teaser below.
- Pretend to be offended when we're not - joke archetype #1
- Making up quotes - joke archetype #2
- Mocking Rich Johnston - joke archetype #3
- Pretending to be real journalists - joke archetype #4
- Cheap joke at a creator's expense which creator might unexpectedly read and throw a tantrum on Twitter or Facebook over - joke archetype #5
- Act like the comic industry has a serious impact in the real world - joke archetype #6
- Insult our readers - joke archetype #7
- Deny obvious truth based on technicality - joke archtype #8
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!