Marvel believed to be canceling and resoliciting comic "just to screw with people."
Newsarama reported yesterday that Marvel's Dexter comic, written by Dexter creator Jeff Lindsay and originally announced in
October, 2008 October, 2011, has been delayed again. This marks the second time the title has been solicited and then pulled before a single issue hit stores. The reason for the delays is unknown, though many industry insiders speculate that it is "just to piss people off."
"We were supposed to get the shipment of books from Marvel's printers last Tuesday," said James Pinckney, a shipping and receiving clerk at Diamond's Ohio distribution hub. "The boxes arrived, but when we opened them up, it was just a bunch of practical jokes inside."
"I got this shiner when I opened up one of the boxes and a giant boxing glove on a spring shot out of the box and punched me right in the eye," Pinckney explained, pointing to his badly bruised left eye. "Herman, one of my coworkers, had to be hospitalized after he collapsed upon opening a box labeled 'Dexter Comicz' that contained a live Desert Horn Viper, which bit him right on the nose. Herman is 64, and was going to retire next week."
The Desert Horn Viper ranks a plausible number nine on a list of the twelve most poisonous snakes, according to an article we found on Google.
No one is sure whether Marvel ever actually intends to release the Dexter comic, which is based not on the popular Showtime TV drama, but on the original series of novels which inspired the show, nor can anyone come up with a reasonable theory on what Marvel's endgame is here. To the best of our knowledge, the comic is neither written by Mark Millar nor drawn by John Cassaday, so the delays make no sense at all.
"What do they have to gain by not releasing the comic?" asked Tawanna Stewart, a Marvel Comics reader and president of the Twin Falls, Idaho chapter of the ill-fated Dexter Comic Fan Club. "They solicited three issues before canceling this time, so obviously they must have produced at least two. There doesn't seem to be a licensing dispute or anything like that. It's very disappointing."
We reached out to Marvel editor in chief Axel Alonso for answers. Though Alonso refused to officially comment, he is believed to have stated "pppfffffffttttt" while making a "jerking off" motion with his left fist.
"Thhhhbbttbbttbttbbttt," he allegedly added, gesturing at his crotch and rolling his eyes while blowing a raspberry.
Be sure to watch Marvel's solicitations over the next few months to see what the zany comic book publisher will do next to screw with gullible Dexter fans.
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
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