The super-panties mysteriously appear in this page from Supergirl #17, indicating someone finally found a way to clean indestructible skid marks out of Kryptonian fabric.
Source: Bleeding Cool (Yeah, we link to them, ComicBooks.com)
Noted underwear fanatic and close examiner of Superman's ass, Rich Johnston, broke the story today that the sorely missed Super-Panties
will be returning in Superman #17 have returned in Supergirl #17. Since the Nu52 reboot, Supes has either A) worn his underwear on the inside of his pants like a normal person or B) not worn any underwear at all, like a filthy man-slut. Either way, fanboys, who are the weirdest people on the face of the planet, have lamented the loss of the underwear for over a year since.
Yes, you heard us correctly. Fanboys have lamented the lack of exterior panties in Superman comics. We know we sometimes like to tell jokes here at The Outhouse, but we're not in this case. People care about this.
So we expect much rejoicing to occur all over the internet today when readers learn that the underpants are back. But though fanboys will be happy, they are still fanboys, so they're also going to demand an explanation. After all, if Superman just starts wearing his underwear again, that would destroy continuity, or something. Luckily, your pal Jude Terror is here to take care of business (no pun intended).
Look. Nobody wants to talk about it, but everyone poops. Yes, even Superman. And just like Superman's body is stronger and more indestructible than a normal person's body, well, so must be his poop. You may say it's gross, but you have to admit, it's probably true.
What?! This place is called The Outhouse! Did you really think we wouldn't go there?
So what happens when Superman has, let's say, a rough time. We don't want to get into the details because this is a family website, but you know what we're talking about: skid marks. Skid marks happen. They happen to everyone, at some point or another. Superman has maintained clean, skidless underpanties for something like 80 years. It was bound to happen sooner or later.
And when Superman's underpants have Super Skid Marks, you can't just toss them in the washing machine. This is alien underwear coated in indestructible poo particles we're talking about here. Tide ain't gonna take care of that shit (no pun intended). The mystery of how Superman cleaned the Brown Kryptonite out of his underwear will likely be revealed in a future issue of the comic.
Until then, we'll all just have to rejoice that the Man of Steel is back to putting his skivvies on the outside his pants, like the senile hundred-year old man he is. And fanboys will have to find something else weird and pointless to bitch about, which should take all of about three seconds.
UPDATE: While Bleeding Cool's article claims the page below appears in Superman #17, in stores March 6, but the page is actually from Supergirl #17, in stores today.
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
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