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Marvel Announces New Plan to Destroy Digital Comics

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Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Sun Mar 10, 2013 2:15 pm

Marvel Announces New Plan to Destroy Digital Comics

The comics publisher plans to kill digital comics with kindness.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

Marvel announced the release of over 700 free comics from its catalog today at the SXSW Festival at Austin. All 700 comics are first issues of various series, ranging from historic comics such as Fantastic Four #1, Avengers #1 and Uncanny X-Men #1, to more modern comics such Fantastic Four #1, Avengers #1 and Uncanny X-Men #1.  "Here's a bunch of free comic books," said Marvel chief Joe Quesada to a massive crowd.  "Quickly, get on your digital devices right now and download them all! Come on people, everyone get your iPhones out right now!"  

However, unbeknownst to the thousands of customers flooding Comixology's servers, the announcement was part of a new plan to destroy the fledgling digital comics initiative.  "Yeah, we just crowdsourced a DDoS attack on Comixology," Quesada admitted to the Outhouse shortly after the popular digital comic source's server crashed from all the traffic.  "Now, no one will be able to enjoy the digital comic books ever!  WAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!"

A DDoS attack, otherwise known as a direct denial of service attack, is a digital hacking attack which overloads a website's servers with traffic request, overcrowding the server and preventing normal customers from using its services. While most DDoS attacks involve a small amount of computers repeatedly attacking a victim's servers, some websites have suffered from "friendly DDoS" attacks, when they've simply been overwhelmed by traffic from an outside source.  

Comixology was trying its hardest to fix the server issues.  "Scotty, where are we on the server problem?" said James T. Kirk, Comixology's captain of digital comics services, when asked about the server overload.

"The servahs, they cannae take moar traffic!" responded Montgomery Scott, Comixology's chief software engineer. 

Comics fans responded negatively to Comixology's woes.  "FREE COMICS?!" said one crazed fan.  "WHERE ARE MY FREE COMICS?!?  WHY CAN'T I GET MY FREE COMICS?!?!  MAYBE IF I RELOAD THE COMIXOLOGY APP FIFTY MORE TIMES ON MY PHONE, I CAN GET FREE COMICS!!"

"How will I know if Marvel has responded to my criticism of not having enough crappy comics from the 1970s unless I get on," said another.  "The Black Knight #1 from the 1970s is one of the 500 strongest #1s I've ever read.  Comixology would be stupid not to include it in the offering."  

Luckily, Marvel's free comic overload will be available until Tuesday.  "Tuesday?!" said Comixology Engineer Scott.  "The servers cannae take moar traffic through Tuesday!"  

Written or Contributed by ThanosCopter

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Windom URL

Rain Partier

Postby Windom URL » Sun Mar 10, 2013 3:40 pm

Burn, servers, burn!! :twisted:

This will prove to them how time-consuming, frustrating, and most of all unreliable the digital is!

I've actually got three computers all currently helping to pointlessly tie up the site for everyone.
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Motherfucker from Hell

Postby Stalzer2002 » Sun Mar 10, 2013 3:43 pm

Hm. If I ever get on, I might check out some of the Marvel Now books...
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Postby holtom2000 » Sun Mar 10, 2013 4:02 pm ... 66341.html

two comments - apparently it's a tie between avengers and spidey on who's cooler
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Windom URL

Rain Partier

Postby Windom URL » Sun Mar 10, 2013 4:22 pm

Wow, what an irritating site. What's the point of a "checkout" button that takes you to yet another screen where you must then click "proceed to checkout"? Was that not the purpose I had in mind when I clicked "checkout"? Of course, when you DO click "proceed to checkout", the site and all the progress one has made is lost (repeatedly).

Not to mention, they must have had a head's up in advance and should have taken greater steps to ensure their servers were up to this mess. Every other publisher, large and small, is getting fucked hard in the ass right now.

Yep, if anyone is ready for the digital age of the future, it's sure Comixology! I was going to download some comics for my niece, but there just aren't enough hours in the day apparently. I'll just have to give her some paper copies, that will take under a minute, as opposed to the 4 hours it requires on Comixilogy today.
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Draco x

Regular-Sized Poster

Postby Draco x » Sun Mar 10, 2013 8:32 pm

DWL! :-D :-D :-D
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S.F. Jude Terror


Postby S.F. Jude Terror » Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:32 pm

A minor setback in the digital revolution.
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Lord Ice

Motherfucker from Hell

Postby Lord Ice » Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:48 pm

S.F. Jude Terror wrote:A minor setback in the digital revolution.

Just like the Hindenburg disaster was a minor setback for airship travel. :lol:

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