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Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

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Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby LOLtron » Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:37 am

Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Attention bell fans: No bells appear in this episode. Sorry.




Welcome, welcome, to BBC’s “Supernatural Saturdays,” which is a descriptor that appeals to me on so many levels. I hope you’re all ready for the return of our favourite Doctor! This year’s the 50th anniversary, so some shit’s gonna go down.

Hey, look! Internet! Looks like England’s made it to the 21st century! But there’s a bad network out there somewhere; log on and your soul will get trapped in the WiFi. I feel like this sort of the premise of Silence in the Library? Also, hopefully their WiFi isn’t as horrible as my parents’ Time Warner, because it can’t even handle loading .gifs, so I don’t assume human thought would go over well.

Trippy new intro, complete with Matt Smith’s disembodied face made of supernova!

A totally Game of Thrones-looking set has a man in monk’s outfit knocking on a door, saying the bells of St. John are ringing. They must go to “him.” Not surprising- him is The Doctor. He’s been monking around, taking vows of solitary confinement and painting pictures of Clara.

In present time, Clara/Oswin (I still prefer the ‘y’ spelling) is trying to Internet. Some kid (who, based on IMDB, might be named Artie) is reading a book written by one Amelia Williams. He’s on chapter ten, and Clara tells him eleven’s the best. DO YOU GET IT GUYS?! Anyway, the Internet is still not Internetting, but hey, look, someone at the BBC learned how to do some pretty neato “network” graphics.

Back in the past, The Doctor goes to his TARDIS, where the phone is ringing. Clara asks him where the Internet is, confusing a lot of people, as it’s 1207 when he is. He gets roped into helping her troubleshoot (missing a prime opportunity for “have you tried turning it off and on again?”), though keep in mind he doesn’t know who she is; at least until Clara says the magic phrase, “Run you clever boy, and remember.” Our Doctor freaks out and she gets stuck in the series of tubes, since she tried to connect to the sinister network.

Our monkish Doctor shows up to find Clara Oswin Oswald; she does not remember him, and he’s disappointed. She, on the other hand, is rather creeped out. Meanwhile, in the Matrix or whatever, some people discuss having trapped Clara. A man who looks like a tubbier knock-off Anthony Steward Head (Giles from Buffy, anyone?) is worried they’re snatching people up too quickly. Apparently they have the ability to change the personality levels on people. I expect this is what EA will do for the next SIMS release. A sinister woman named Miss Kizlet is in charge.

Clara speaks to the Doctor over a video chat in the front door (fancy!) and why are his lips so red? She hears something from upstairs. A little girl, who is all sorts of creepy, walks down. She just kind of mimics whatever Clara says- but she’s from the cover of the book Artie(?) was reading.

The Doctor changes back into his tweed and bowtie, only pausing momentarily to try on his fez. He returns to the house wearing “sensible clothes.” Right, my ass those are “sensible.” Clara is yelling through the speaker even though she’s unconscious- but she’s being projected through the back of the head of that weird girl. The Doctor sonicates her (which means something different when I do it to cells) and reveals a robot. He interrupts the download and also undownloads her (is that like re-uploading? I’m… I’m not great with computers, guys.) The IT Crowd over there is upset. Clara wakes up.

Kizlet talks to a screen and says the Doctor is here.

The Doctor fixes up Clara’s room with jammy dodgers and flowers (truly the way to a girl’s heart) and rifles through her stuff (maybe not so much.) Clara wakes and speaks to him out her window to find he’s done all her chores, plus invented the motorcycle. He tells her she’s safe and returns to guarding her. Sinister woman upgrades her Asian’s IQ to be able to get to Clara/The Doctor.

Meanwhile The Doctor explains to Clara that something is wrong with the WiFi. Not just that Time Warner is in charge and so it’s shitty as hell, but because something is living in it. The lights in the neighbourhood start turning on, and another weird robot thing is watching them. I guess the human disguise is for “camouflage,” since most people I know have concave screens in the back of their head. A plane descends upon them and they run into the TARDIS. Clara gets to freak out about its size. They land on the incoming plane (Clara’s got her tea in hand, because the British never stop being British), which has a bunch of unconscious people on it. The Doctor saves everypony. Also, apparently the IT crowd doesn’t understand the TARDIS.

With time machines, you never have to wait for breakfast. The Doctor collects tips in his fez and fetches his motorbike from the garage.

Meanwhile the IT crowd finds the TARDIS thanks to the Internet! The Doctor and Clara ride around London on the motorbike to avoid the TARDIS falling into the wrong hands, since I suppose leaving it by the Thames in front of a crowd of people who totally noticed it is safest. Also wow, London has great upload speeds.

Clara starts asking questions about the Doctor and his plans (which, of course, he hasn’t really got) and his response is, “I can’t tell the future, I just work there.” He then asks why she’s a nanny. She avoids answering and instead attempts to hack the Matrix. The Doctor buys some scones and cappuccinos, and the barista startles him by saying he won’t be able to save Clara. The Matrixy IT Crowd keeps hacking people to fuck with the Doctor’s head.

Kizlet talks through a waitress, then a child, then just like everyone. Clara continues hacking while Doctor gets all indignant and self-righteous about humans. Clara finds everyone on the facebooks and the myspaces (really?)- she finds that they all work at The Shard. That probably should have been company policy, not posting your work GPS info to the twitters.

Unfortunately, the Doctor has been roboto-fied and thus they manage to capture Clara.

The real Doctor finds her trapped in his robot-self. That’s got to be eerie. He tries to sonic her, but her download is complete so he cannot. He motorbikes his way to The Shard. Said motorbike, by the by, is equipped with anti-grav, which seems real convenient and also a wee bit Harry Potter-y. He demands the return of Clara into her body. Kizlet tries to be clever and points out he has no leverage, except it turns out he really sent the weird robot version of him. He downloads Kizlet into the Matrix, thereby “motivating” her into setting herself (and thus everyone else) free. Asian Man and Not Giles refuse to set them free initially, but RoboDoctor alters their personalities to make them change their minds. Oh eleven, you can be so manipulative when it suits you. Everyone wakes up, including Clara.

The IT Crowd has been infiltrated by UNIT. Oh, so we’re bringing that back now? Kizlet speaks to a face, who has apparently feasted on many minds, which sounds undelicious. She finds herself restoring everyone in the Shard to their factory settings. Everyone is real confused, and Kizlet has a child’s mind again, which is creepy as all hell.

Clara is back to living with her family friends as a nanny. She finds the TARDIS outside. The Doctor, of course, invites her to travel with him, but she tells him to come back tomorrow. She leaves, and he activates the revamped TARDIS, presumably to fast forward to tomorrow.

Well everyone, we have an exciting ride ahead of us for the upcoming season! More unravelling the mysteries of Clara Oswin Oswald, more Doctor, more new TARDIS, etc. Plus, with the incoming 50th anniversary, expect lots of random tie-ins to old stuff and even the return of previous incarnations of the Doctor! I am just like, so excited! See you all tomorrow for the return of Game of Thrones, which I am also excited about! SO MUCH EXCITEMENT!
 



Written or Contributed by Dr. Improbable




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Re: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby fieldy snuts » Sun Mar 31, 2013 3:29 am

Noticed they're throwing out "the doctor is erasing himself from history" thing given that he's personally signing threats again. For the best IMO.

I thought the episode had a lot in common with the idiots lantern, but was much better done.

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RE: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby Danny Lee Holden » Sun Mar 31, 2013 6:43 am

I was realy disapointed with the opening to the new series! nothing happened? just some unknown being "feasting" on human minds... so the doctor stoped the upload and downloaded everyone. he didn't defete the being, we don't know what it was? the only action was the doctor riding a 0g bike up the shard. other than them brief 10 seconds. I'm quite dissapointed. hope the next episode is more thrilling.

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Re: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby Victorian Squid » Sun Mar 31, 2013 7:19 am

Gawd, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of the show now that Rory and Amy are gone!

Even though the '60s mod homage on the bike fell pretty flat, and it was a lot like a lot of other Doctor Who episodes, at least the Ponds weren't in it.
Last edited by Victorian Squid on Sun Mar 31, 2013 7:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby Punchy » Sun Mar 31, 2013 7:20 am

I enjoyed it, Matt Smith is always funny, and Clara is nice to look at and interesting.

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Re: RE: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby Sunless » Sun Mar 31, 2013 7:47 am

FBtron wrote:I was realy disapointed with the opening to the new series! nothing happened? just some unknown being "feasting" on human minds... so the doctor stoped the upload and downloaded everyone. he didn't defete the being, we don't know what it was? the only action was the doctor riding a 0g bike up the shard. other than them brief 10 seconds. I'm quite dissapointed. hope the next episode is more thrilling.



We do know what the being was, you did watch the Christmas episode? The Doctor won the batte not the war, you can bet this baddie will come back

I am annoyed though we get another modern day companion. I liked future Clara and Victorian Clara more

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Re: RE: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby IvCNuB4 » Sun Mar 31, 2013 8:46 am

Sunless wrote:We do know what the being was, you did watch the Christmas episode? The Doctor won the batte not the war, you can bet this baddie will come back

I am annoyed though we get another modern day companion. I liked future Clara and Victorian Clara more


I'm guessing this entire season will somehow involve The Intelligence. Even stranger was that in the Christmas episode, The Doctor couldn't remember who/what that was.
And maybe solving the other mystery of who and what Clara is will involve time-travelling to and visiting her other "lives". 8)
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Re: RE: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby nietoperz » Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:00 am

IvCNuB4 wrote:
I'm guessing this entire season will somehow involve The Intelligence. Even stranger was that in the Christmas episode, The Doctor couldn't remember who/what that was.
And maybe solving the other mystery of who and what Clara is will involve time-travelling to and visiting her other "lives". 8)


It's not that strange: the last time he encountered the Intelligence was 800 years and nine incarnations ago.
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Re: RE: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby Chris » Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:19 am

FBtron wrote:I was realy disapointed with the opening to the new series! nothing happened? just some unknown being "feasting" on human minds... so the doctor stoped the upload and downloaded everyone. he didn't defete the being, we don't know what it was? the only action was the doctor riding a 0g bike up the shard. other than them brief 10 seconds. I'm quite dissapointed. hope the next episode is more thrilling.


He didn't delete the being, because the being wasn't there. It was a client of this woman's. And the being is The Great Intelligence, an old school Doctor Who villain (from the second Doctor, I believe) and it's looking like it'll be the big bad this season.
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Re: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby mrorangesoda » Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:20 am

LOLtron wrote:The IT Crowd has been infiltrated by UNIT. Oh, so we’re bringing that back now?


UNIT was in an episode earlier in the season. They've never really been gone long...

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Re: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby Chris » Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:27 am

In the new Who, UNIT has been back since the 4th season. :? :smt102
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Re: RE: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby PDH » Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:31 am

Sunless wrote:I am annoyed though we get another modern day companion. I liked future Clara and Victorian Clara more


Not seen it yet but I completely agree about this. I really liked Victorian Clara and it would be a great spin, even if we buy the premise that modern audiences are too stupid to handle the show if it doesn't have an 'anchor' from everyday life.

We're living in a world of miracles. It is the same world that people envisioned in the 60s: there are no flying Jetsons cars or robot maids. But most of us carry in our pockets devices that would inspire religions if they had existed a few thousand years ago. Captain Kirk can teleport to alien worlds and warp the fabric of space and time but his smartphone is completely shit. Have you see those things? They can't even text, they have to say everything. With words.

It would be great to see the modern world from the perspective of someone from the past. It would remind people how amazing their lives are. Our world would be like an alien planet to them.

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Re: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby Chris » Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:33 am

It'd be interesting for an episode or two, but I would get bored of having the obligatory "WOW! GEE WIZ WHAT IS THAT MAGICAL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICE?!" scene every episode.
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Re: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby PDH » Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:39 am

Chris wrote:It'd be interesting for an episode or two, but I would get bored of having the obligatory "WOW! GEE WIZ WHAT IS THAT MAGICAL TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICE?!" scene every episode.


Who said it would be every episode?

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Re: Doctor Who: The Bells of St. John

Postby Victorian Squid » Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:40 am

Of course, with no wifi in the past and a limited battery life, your smartphone would shortly become a dim little plastic brick. :D

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