Israel Bombs Syria to Prevent DC Comics Ongoing Shazam Series

This is the main board on The Outhouse, where Outhousers talk about everything. No topics are off limits, and it doesn't have to be about comics. All the topics from the other boards also show up in The Asylum, so you never have to leave1

Hey you! Reader! Want to be a part of the GREATEST COMIC BOOK AND GEEK COMMUNITY on the web?! Logged in users see WAY LESS ADS, so why not register? It's fast and it's easy, like your mom! Sign up today! Membership spots are limited!*

*Membership spots not really limited!

User avatar
Rain Partier
Posts: 30163
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Mon May 18, 2009 1:54 pm

Israel Bombs Syria to Prevent DC Comics Ongoing Shazam Series

Postby LOLtron » Sat May 04, 2013 7:00 am

Israel Bombs Syria to Prevent DC Comics Ongoing Shazam Series

Trouble is brewing in the normally peaceful Middle East thanks to DC Comics' rumored plans to launch an ongoing Shazam series.

Source: CNN, Who Never Gets Anything Wrong

Since C2E2, it has been the widespread belief of the comics media that DC Comics plans to launch a new Shazam ongoing series. Shazam is the new name of the hero formerly known as Captain Marvel, who most regular people (I.E. not nerds) always knew as Shazam anyway. This rumors angered militant Middle Eastern state Israel, who launched a preemptive air strike on nearby neighbor Syria yesterday.

Syria is currently embroiled in a civil war that will probably lead to World War 3, and Israel decided to bomb the beleaguered nation as a threat to DC Comics, who set the fictional home of Shazam villain Black Adam in the fictional country of Khandaq, which borders Israel and Egypt. Israel cited Khandaq's nonexistent state as the reason for bombing Syria, which is located to Israel's North, past Lebanon. Israeli President Shimon Peres blamed Shazam's confusing continuity and publication history as well as the character's inability to consistently maintain a monthly series since the 1999 as the motivation for the country's displeasure with DC's plans in a dramatic press conference that The Outhouse attended.

"Captain Marvel was originally created in 1939 by C. C. Beck and Bill Parker for Fawcett Comics," explained Peres to an attentive gathering of top reporters from the most prestigious press organizations in the world, and The Outhouse. "This Captain Marvel has nothing to do with Marvel Comics' Captain Marvel, nor Ms. Marvel, who now goes by the name Captain Marvel since the original Marvel Captain Marvel died. Fawcett Comics, which has nothing to do with Farrah Fawcett, was accused by DC Comics in the fifties of ripping off Captain Marvel from Superman, and after Fawcett became defunct, DC ended up with the rights in the seventies and has had them since. Bill Parker has nothing to do with modern comic book writer Jeff Parker, and C. C. Beck is of no relation to guitarist Jeff Beck, conservative talk show host Glenn Beck, or alternative rocker Beck. Shazam should also not be confused with Shaquille O'Neal's character in the 1996 comedy Kazaam."

"What the fuck?" Peres asked. "I don't get any of this."

"In the Nu52, DC's comical 2011 relaunch, Captain Marvel was renamed Shazam, and Billy Batson, Shazam's alter ego, was turned into a dick," he went on to complain. "All of this happened in a backup story in DC's flagship title, Justice League by Geoff Johns and a rotating lineup of prima donna artists, the spiritual successor to Frank Miller and Jim Lee's All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder, a famously horrific comic book."

"I've been buying Justice League since issue #1," Peres told reporters. "But I stopped reading the stupid Shazam backups around issue #6. Just think about that for a moment. I paid for this comic, I am holding it in my hands and reading the main story, and I can't be bothered to read a couple more pages at the end because that's how little interest I have in Shazam, even as a backup."

"How the fuck is Shazam going to maintain his own ongoing. Fucking bullshit," a frustrated Peres concluded. He left the room without answering questions because he had to make it to an evening showing of Iron Man 3. Many political analysts believe that Peres may have been in a bad mood already after reading this week's issue of the terrible Age of Ultron from Marvel Comics, and, upon learning of the Shazam rumors, just "went off the deep end."

U.S. President Barack Obama has not made an official statement on the events, though U.S. government officials have confirmed the strike. The country of Lebanon is being a little bitch and complaining about Israel's planes violating its airspace. The Outhouse will keep you updated on this situation as it develops, provided we survive the impending nuclear doom.

Written or Contributed by Jude Terror



The Old Doctor
User avatar
A Damn Cuddly Beast
Posts: 70824
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2007 3:00 pm
Location: Toronto, ONT, Canadah
Formerly: /人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕ 人\

Re: Israel Bombs Syria to Prevent DC Comics Ongoing Shazam S

Postby The Old Doctor » Sat May 04, 2013 10:45 am

The blacklisting from this will make the DC one and not to mention the Angry Vaginas, seem like a spring rain compared to the shitstorm of blacklisting and angry genitals that will come of this.

That or nothing will happen.

"Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols."
"Oh, the pointing again! They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?"
"Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?"
""Timey" what? "Timey wimey"?"

IvCNuB4 wrote:The Old Doctor is Cat-Scratch ?
Well that explains a lot :lol:

BubbaKanoosh wrote:Old Doctor is the NuDCU's Catscratch

io9 wrote:What We Learned From Obsessively Studying The New Suicide Squad Footage - Toronto is a dark and dangerous place, full of menace.

This all could have been about Idris Elba &/or Scarlett Johansson

User avatar
Staff Writer
Posts: 17729
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 11:51 am
Location: Chicago, IL
Title: Voted Humblest Outhouser

Re: Israel Bombs Syria to Prevent DC Comics Ongoing Shazam S

Postby IvCNuB4 » Sat May 04, 2013 12:13 pm

despite our staffer explaining that we make fun of every aspect of the industry and that our satire wasn't unique to DC
Victorian Squid wrote:In a DC/Marvel cross-over "all your favorite Marvel characters would catch contextually-transmitted diseases and Steph infections."

S.F. Jude Terror
User avatar
Posts: 79763
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 11:44 pm
Location: Up Your Ass
Title: Webmaster Supreme
Formerly: Dr. Jude Terror

Re: Israel Bombs Syria to Prevent DC Comics Ongoing Shazam S

Postby S.F. Jude Terror » Sat May 04, 2013 12:28 pm

IvCNuB4 wrote: :lol:

What?! :lol:
I LOVE BLUD BLOOD! - Rob Liefeld

User avatar
Outhouse Drafter
Posts: 38333
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Thu Jun 05, 2008 12:35 pm
Location: Otisburg
Title: Charlatan from Charleston
Formerly: outsider

Re: Israel Bombs Syria to Prevent DC Comics Ongoing Shazam S

Postby StarCruncher » Sat May 04, 2013 12:33 pm

I will convert to whatever religion will rightfully give him back the "Captain Marvel" moniker.

Posts: 23
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Mon Apr 29, 2013 1:59 pm

Re: Israel Bombs Syria to Prevent DC Comics Ongoing Shazam S

Postby Krypto_16 » Mon May 06, 2013 3:11 pm

They could try putting out a good book for once . . . maybe promoting this to the people who would be interested in reading it like I dunno kids, or fans of classic takes on comics.

Good writers and great artists wouldn't hurt either . . . consistently I might add.

leave a comment with facebook

Return to The Asylum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Capt. Brooklyn, Draco x, FaceBook [Linkcheck], Google [Bot], Gray, Grayson, guitargod694, Jacob D, John Strange, McMonkey Nut, MSNbot Media, Papa Emeritus III, Supersoldier Washout and 38 guests