Journalist Despairs as Man of Steel Loses Top Box Office Spot

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Journalist Despairs as Man of Steel Loses Top Box Office Spot

Postby LOLtron » Mon Jun 24, 2013 7:30 am

Journalist Despairs as Man of Steel Loses Top Box Office Spot

Warner Bros Man of Steel fell to third place this weekend, losing to World War Z and Monsters University.

Source: Moviefone

It seems like just last week, comic book fans were on top of the world, with Warner Bros' Man of Steel topping the box office charts at looking like a runaway success. But, one week later, plus one Pixar Sequel and a Brad Pitt zombie flick, and all of those high hopes have come crashing down. Man of Steel came in third in its second domestic box office week, losing to both World War Z and the new king of the box office, Pixar's Monsters University. Superman took in only $42 million, half of what Monsters U made.

What does this mean for the comics industry and geekdom as a whole? Well, not much. The movie is still a success, with something like $400 million in total international box office gross so far, and there is already a sequel in the works. But for at least one notable geek and member of the comics media, the news is absolutely devastating.

"What am I gonna do now?!" said Gus Sterlingham, reporter for the popular content farm "Sixty percent of the articles on for the past three months have been Man of Steel fluff pieces. It's all I know how to write about anymore!"

"Blurry Pics of Henry Cavill Eating a Sandwich Hit Net! Person Who Works for Warner Bros Optimistic About Man of Steel Performance! Top Five Man of Steel Rumors No One Cares About! Will Joseph Gordon Levitt Make a Surprise Cameo Appearance in Man of Steel End of Credits Scene?!" lamented Sterlingham, rattling off the headlines of the sorts of articles that composed the vast majority of's output for the last few months.

"Those are the kinds of pointless articles with no purpose other than to generate unique hits and thus advertising revenue that I've been writing, day in and day out." he explained. "I don't know how to do anything else anymore except produce inane, keyword heavy articles about a popular comic book movie that are optimized for maximum SEO performance."

Now, with Man of Steel waning in popularity after only a week, it seems that will have to find a new topic to write shamelessly hit-baiting articles about. No one wants to click on unfulfilling articles that offer no information that any person with a brain would consider interesting about a movie that is third place at the box office. And if no one clicks on it, how can maintain its influx of valuable organic search traffic in order to make the site's domain name attractive to potential corporate buyers?

"Am I supposed to write original content that offers a unique take on subjects that matter?" asked an indignant Sterlingham. "That's not what comic book journalism is about!"

As of press time, Sterlingham had not written an article in two days, causing the artificially-inflated-via-toolbar-browser-plugin Alexa rank of to drop by nearly 200,000 points. We'll keep you updated on this crisis as more information becomes available.

Written or Contributed by Jude Terror



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Re: Journalist Despairs as Man of Steel Loses Top Box Office

Postby SuperginraiX » Mon Jun 24, 2013 7:34 am


This is probably very inappropriate.


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Re: Journalist Despairs as Man of Steel Loses Top Box Office

Postby The Old Doctor » Mon Jun 24, 2013 11:29 am

Man Of Steel is weaker than Iron Man.
"Why are you pointing your screwdrivers like that? They're scientific instruments, not water pistols."
"Oh, the pointing again! They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?"
"Are you capable of speaking without flapping your hands about?"
""Timey" what? "Timey wimey"?"

IvCNuB4 wrote:The Old Doctor is Cat-Scratch ?
Well that explains a lot :lol:

BubbaKanoosh wrote:Old Doctor is the NuDCU's Catscratch

This all could have been about Idris Elba &/or Scarlett Johansson

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Re: Journalist Despairs as Man of Steel Loses Top Box Office

Postby CountD » Mon Jun 24, 2013 2:15 pm

Monsters University was good. I even chuckled.

My kids had 0 interest in Superman: Man of Steel

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