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Rumor: Chu to Direct Star Trek 3?

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Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:53 pm

Rumor: Chu to Direct Star Trek 3?

The Outhouse had a difficult time verifying the rumor when we sent a resident of Philadelphia to get the scoop.

Source: Latino-Review is claiming to have the inside scoop on who will direct Star Trek 3. According to the latino-themed Hollywood gossip site, G.I. Joe: Retaliation director Jon M. Chu will direct the film, stepping in for J. J. Abrams, who will be too busy directing Star Wars Episode 7. This is, of course, simply a rumor and should be treated as such. However, The Outhouse did our very best to verify the claims by sending a local resident of Philadelphia to ask Abrams about it while the acclaimed director was having lunch at a local cheesesteak stand.

Philly Resident: Yo! Buddy! Is it true that Chu gonna direct Star Trek 3?

J.J. Abrams: What? No, I'm not going to be able to direct it because of the timeline."

Philly Resident: What? I know dat! I wanna know if Chu gonna direct it!

J.J. Abrams: And I just told you, I can't. Paramount wants the movie to come out in 2016 to coincide with the 50th anniversary of the television show. I'll be too busy with Star Wars. Lens flares take a lot of time and effort.

Philly Resident: Hey, whatsa matter wit' youze Hollywood types, huh? Are you fakkin' deaf or sometin'? I know that you ain't gonna direct Star Trek 3. What I want to know is, is Chu gonna direct Star Trek 3 or not?

J.J. Abrams: Leave me alone, you Neanderthal.

Philly Resident: (spits on ground) Chu gonna finish dat cheesesteak?

As you can see, Abrams isn't talking. File this one in the rumor bin for now, but keep in mind that we were totally right about the time we said that Kelly Hu would play China White on Arrow. We'll keep you updated.

Written or Contributed by Jude Terror

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2k11 Outhouse People's Champion

Postby sdsichero » Mon Aug 05, 2013 6:31 pm


Bless you.
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2k11 Outhouse People's Champion

Postby sdsichero » Tue Aug 06, 2013 8:02 pm

Rumor Says Rise of the Planet of the Apes Director to Direct Star Trek 3

Cinematallica posted a report claiming that Rupert Wyatt ("Rise of the Planet of the Apes") is "virtually a lock at this stage in the game".
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Outhouse Editor

Postby misac » Thu Aug 08, 2013 1:24 pm

He should bring in the Rock as the leader of the Klingons. :D
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2k11 Outhouse People's Champion

Postby sdsichero » Thu Aug 08, 2013 3:42 pm

misac wrote:He should bring in the Rock as the leader of the Klingons. :D

And Bruce Willis as a retired starship captain?

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