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News From The Future: Geeks Now An Endangered Species: Lightsabers Invented

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LOLtron

Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:35 pm

News From The Future: Geeks Now An Endangered Species: Lightsabers Invented

Self inflicted stupidity now 5th most common cause of death in the world



Source: Star Wars lightsabers finally invented

OBAMA CITY, OBAMA: as of 12:00 pm on September 30, 2056,  geeks, dweebs, nerds, spazzes, and dorks - groups not particularly known for their hand eye coordination - have been declared endangered species by the New World Order's Department Of Protection, fulfilling a prediction by a noted scientiest from over 40 years ago, according to historical records:

"It's a given that, whatever the cost and danger, every single geek on the face of the planet will have to own one of these," predicts Professor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms, a geek behavioral expert at the University of Phoenix. "This will cause the possession of life-threatening object to physical coordination ratio to skyrocket, which could result in major damage to the geek population."

"The geek species could become endangered within months of the technology's widespread availability," the professor continued. "Combined with their lack of proficiency at procreation, this could prove disastrous."

Uber-geeks, a parental subterranean dwelling sub species, sold their Spawn comics in droves to be amongst the first “early adapters” of light saber technology. As a result, the uber-geek is an all-but-extinct creature, surviving only in New World Order human zoos along with “gun nuts”, “FOX NEWS reporters” and The Dutch.

President-For-Life, Glorious Leader, Benevolent Tyrant, and All Around Good Guy, Barack Obama had this to say at the Daily Abortion / National Homeroom press conference:

We in charge of the One World Government will not rest until the numbers of geeks, dweebs, and all related species, are back to their pre-lightsaber levels. We will do this by adding lightsabers to the list of banned weapons under The Anti-Second Amendment Act of 2018, and strictly enforcing the geek / normal human mating program just added to the current procreation schedule that was sent to everyone's implants this morning.

Mr. Obama then gave the nod for today’s televised abortion and released all school age children from homeroom.

When reached for comment, the blue holographic ghost of George Lucas responded only with:

Han shot first!

*****

FOLLOW-UP: Visitors to Obama’s National Obama City Socialized Fascist Vegan Zoo For The Criminally Conservative report hearing someone yelling “Pinheads! Those geeks were a bunch of pinheads!” coming up from the zoo’s drains. Reports are as of yet unconfirmed from the New World Order’s Press Secretary, Scott Hall
 



Written or Contributed by GHERU


READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!
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Supersoldier Washout

FROGMAN

Postby Supersoldier Washout » Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:51 pm

I didn't find this one bit funny.

I won't be alive in 2056.
User avatar

Jack Charlemagne

Great Scott!!!

Postby Jack Charlemagne » Wed May 04, 2016 11:30 pm

I'm not gonna kill you
I want you to do me a favor
I want you to tell all your friends about me
What are you? I'm batman

I've seen the future and it will be
I've seen the future and it works
If there's life after, we will see
So I can't go like a jerk

Systematic overthrow of the underclass
Hollywood conjures images of the past
New world needs spirituality that will last
I've seen the future and it will be

I've seen the future and it will be
I've seen the future and it works
If there's life after, we will see
So I can't go like a jerk

Yellow smiley offers me X like he's drinking 7up
I would rather drink 6 razor blades, razor blades from a paper cup
He can't understand, I say too tough
It's just that I've seen the future and, boy, it's rough

I've seen the future and it will be
I've seen the future and it works
And if there's life after, we will see
So you can't go like a jerk, no, no

I've seen the future and it will be
Wait a minute

Pretty pony standing on the avenue
Flashing loaded pistol, too dumb to be true
Somebody told him playing cops and robbers was cool
Would our rap have been different if we only knew?

I've seen the future and it will be
I've seen the future and it works
And if there's life after, we will see
Don't go out like a jerk

Systematic overthrow of the underclass
Hollywood conjures images of the past
New world needs spirituality that will last
I've seen the future and it will be, alright
I've seen the future and it will be
I've seen the future and it will be, oh

I've seen the future and it will be
I've seen the future and it will be
I've seen the future and it will be

Think about the future

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