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How DC Stole Detective Comics

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User avatar

LOLtron

Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Thu Dec 05, 2013 11:45 am

How DC Stole Detective Comics

With massive apologies to Dr. Seuss



Source: Subscription Sadness For Detective Comics #27

Every Fan
Down in basements
Like Batman a lot.

But Darth Didio
With his head up his ass
Did not.

Didio hated comics! The whole damn industry
No one is sure why, it's just his tendency.
It has been said that his brain was incomplete,
It has been said that his soul was obsolete.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his Dick* was two sizes too small.

(*Grayson, that is. Come on, this is a children's poem!)

Yes,
You understand the truth.
The Grinch is real.
Hating the fanboys is pretty much his whole deal,
And who could blame him?
Anyone who's met one would join in.
But worse, they take to the net and spread the word:
Darth Didio, The Dinch, is a turd

"And they are expecting their comics," he said, with a sneer.
"Detective Comics #27 is what they hold dear."
Then he smiled, for he had an idea
For he is a dictator (just think "North Korea")
Because, now he knew…

…All the fangirls and boys,
Would pay out the nose for this book with this ploy.
"So, then, let's screw them all!' he sang to Jim Lee.
"Subscribers shall not get the comic they desire... Now back on your knees"

Then word was sent out, through the mail (the slow kind)
Hoping no one would mind
That an $8 book
(You read that right, 800 cents, the comic took)
Would not come to subscribers homes, here, take a look:

 

You See!
He did something you won't like at all.
To subscribers he said,"Find a store, maybe the mall.
For you will not receive your issue this month
It is too expensive, and we don't like you that much."

Then the fans, young and old (but mostly old), would sit down to tweet.
And they'd tweet! And they'd tweet!
And they'd TWEET! TWEET! TWEET! TWEET!
They would tweet #FIREDIDIO, and "old DC's neat,"
Which was something the Dinch couldn't stand in the least!
My editor replied "It's a BS double standard!"
"Green Lantern anyone?" he demanded an answer.

I cannot continue with this tale.
My head hurts from too much ale.
If you think this was not hard,
You go ahead and try to be a bard.

But, the story is (mostly) true.
Would we lie to you?
In a parody Christmas poem written by a Jew?
Subscribers will be screwed, of this we are sure.
For Bleeding Cool's tales are always secure

Now, don't get all wary, little Mary Lou Fan,
I will answer your query as best as I can.
We know at the Outhouse how to end this encounter
That's right, sound the alarms, and reset the counter!



Written or Contributed by GHERU


READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!
User avatar

Herald

YOU WILL NEED A NURSE

Postby Herald » Thu Dec 05, 2013 12:07 pm

Pardon Me, Stewardess, you should learn to Speak Iambic Pentameter! Your poetry will scan better! :P

Referring to the topic at hand, I will repeat what I said back on Old 'Rama:

Image

You're a MEAN one, Mr. Grinch!!
You REALLY are a heel!!
You're as cuddly as a cactus!
You're as charming as an eel!
Mr. Griiiiiii-inch!!
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!!

:smt011
User avatar

Herald

YOU WILL NEED A NURSE

Postby Herald » Thu Dec 05, 2013 12:17 pm

Oh, I should also note the nasty irony that the REAL Detective Comics #27 featured the first appearance of Batman, a can't-miss issue if there ever was one. :wink:
User avatar

Supersoldier Washout

rubber spoon

Postby Supersoldier Washout » Thu Dec 05, 2013 12:24 pm

14 days.

Things are getting back to normal at ole' DC.
User avatar

Chesscub

WTF is this rank?

Postby Chesscub » Thu Dec 05, 2013 12:35 pm

People still do direct subscriptions? :smt102
User avatar

oogy

Outhouse Drafter

Postby oogy » Thu Dec 05, 2013 12:52 pm

Chesscub wrote:People still do direct subscriptions? :smt102

My thought as well.
User avatar

StarCruncher

Outhouse Drafter

Postby StarCruncher » Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:12 pm

That's some horseshit.
Both the $7.99 price tag (wtf) and not giving a subscriber that issue.
User avatar

Chesscub

WTF is this rank?

Postby Chesscub » Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:14 pm

outsider wrote:That's some horseshit.
Both the $7.99 price tag (wtf) and not giving a subscriber that issue.


Standard comic is 24 pages at $2.99. It's a 96 page issue so $7.99 is not unreasonable.

Detective 19 was the same price point I think.

However I agree with the second point.
User avatar

StarCruncher

Outhouse Drafter

Postby StarCruncher » Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:24 pm

I'm no longer in the target demographic, but $8 for a floppy is crazy.
I envy the disposable income for people dropping $8 on a floppy without batting an eyelash.
User avatar

Chesscub

WTF is this rank?

Postby Chesscub » Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:27 pm

outsider wrote:I'm no longer in the target demographic, but $8 for a floppy is crazy.
I envy the disposable income for people dropping $8 on a floppy without batting an eyelash.


Oh I batted an eyelash at the price point but 19 was all original material and a really good story.
User avatar

Nataniel Costard

FACEBOOKTron

Postby Nataniel Costard » Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:50 pm

I knew you wouldn't let this one pass... I'm glad you didn't!
User avatar

GHERU

Rain Partier

Postby GHERU » Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:56 pm

I think, and I am not about to do the research, that this is my first counter reset article
User avatar

GHERU

Rain Partier

Postby GHERU » Thu Dec 05, 2013 1:58 pm

no, thats not true
User avatar

Draco x

biny little tird

Postby Draco x » Thu Dec 05, 2013 3:17 pm

I have always joked about Didio as the Grinch as the title does fit him like a glove.
User avatar

oogy

Outhouse Drafter

Postby oogy » Thu Dec 05, 2013 3:30 pm

Chesscub wrote:
Oh I batted an eyelash at the price point but 19 was all original material and a really good story.

Yeah it was. Also, I get this book through DCBS and I believe it was 50% off, so it didn't hurt so much.

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