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Marvel Exploring Genderbent Iceman to Capitalize on Frozen's Box Office Success

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LOLtron

Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Sun Dec 01, 2013 8:11 pm

Marvel Exploring Genderbent Iceman to Capitalize on Frozen's Box Office Success

The real fruits of Disney's acquisition of Marvel may finally be starting to ripen.



Source: Box Office Mojo

According to a USA Today article that will be published in the future and spoil the event before it happens, Marvel Comics is exploring the possibility of turning popular X-Men character Iceman into a woman to capitalize on the success of Frozen, the latest animated film from Marvel's parent company, Disney. In the movie, main character Princess Elsa shows an aptitude for using her ice powers more effectively than Iceman has in his entire publication history, according to Marvel Chief Creative Officer Joe Quesada.

"If you can't beat 'em, join em," Quesada told The Outhouse, promising that Iceman's new status as a woman would not only boost Marvel's count of female characters, but also settle the age old debate on whether Iceman is gay.

"She definitely is into dudes," Quesada commented, "but now she's into them heterosexually."

Questioned on why Iceman couldn't become a lesbian, Quesada grew silent for a moment, before his eyes began spinning rapidly like a slot machine, finally settling on two green dollar signs in place of corneas with a resounding "cha-ching."

Frozen grossed over $66M in its Thanksgiving wide opening, bringing its total up to $93M domestic and $110M worldwide. It was a huge Thanksgiving opening, with 81% of its audience reported to be families. The success was made even more impressive by the fact that it followed last weekend's record-breaking Hunger Games: Catching Fire opening, which was the sixth biggest opening of all time and the best ever for November.

Asked whether Marvel would consider changing the gender of other characters in order to find brand synergy with Disney movies, Jason Aaron reportedly volunteered to change Wolverine into a fourteen year fish-girl in order to feature him in a Little Mermaid remake, with a bearded Jason Aaron lookalike filling the role of Prince Eric. Aaron left in a hurry, whistling "Here Comes the Bride."

The movieverse may be affected as well, with Jeremy Renner reportedly being asked to adopt a Scottish brogue and long mane of red hair in Avengers 2 in order to more closely tie in Hawkeye with Brave. Rumors are also beginning to circulate surrounding the plot of the upcoming sequel to Finding Nemo, Finding Dory, in which the titular fish, voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, will leave Marlin in order to have an affair with Namor, King of Atlantis. Greg Land will provide storyboards, traced from the upcoming Aquaman porno spoof from Vivid Entertainment.



Written or Contributed by Jude Terror




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bkthomson

Rain Partier

Postby bkthomson » Mon Dec 02, 2013 10:48 am

It could happen.
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LoganRSA

penile prisoner

Postby LoganRSA » Mon Dec 02, 2013 11:05 am

Tell me more about Wolverine as a 14 year old fish-girl... :drunk
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IvCNuB4

Staff Writer

Postby IvCNuB4 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 12:21 pm

Even Emma Frost used his powers better than Bobby did. Maybe ice powers are a chick thing.

Image
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TerminalNY83

Attorney at Law

Postby TerminalNY83 » Sat Dec 07, 2013 8:50 pm

Maybe this is like that episode of Ben 10 where Ben's cousin Gwen gets the power bracelet thing and manages to use her powers with her aliens ten times better than Ben ever could or did.

Or maybe it's just lame comic book pandering. Either way.
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Felix Vasquez Jr.

FACEBOOKTron

Postby Felix Vasquez Jr. » Sat Dec 07, 2013 8:50 pm

"If you can't beat 'em, join em," Quesada told The Outhouse, promising that Iceman's new status as a woman would not only boost Marvel's count of female characters, but also settle the age old debate on whether Iceman is gay. "She definitely is into dudes," Quesada commented, "but now she's into them heterosexually." Questioned on why Iceman couldn't become a lesbian, Quesada grew silent for a moment, before his eyes began spinning rapidly like a slot machine, finally settling on two green dollar signs in place of corneas with a resounding "cha-ching."
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DMM

Rain Partier

Postby DMM » Sat Dec 07, 2013 9:50 pm

The slot machine eye part killed me. :Lol:

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Lord Ice

Motherfucker from Hell

Postby Lord Ice » Sun Dec 08, 2013 11:20 am

As if the Iceman in All New X-men wasn't freaked out by the future versions of him enough, imagine how he'd be seeing a curvacious female him. :lol:

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