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The real fruits of Disney's acquisition of Marvel may finally be starting to ripen.
Source: Box Office Mojo
According to a USA Today article that will be published in the future and spoil the event before it happens, Marvel Comics is exploring the possibility of turning popular X-Men character Iceman into a woman to capitalize on the success of Frozen, the latest animated film from Marvel's parent company, Disney. In the movie, main character Princess Elsa shows an aptitude for using her ice powers more effectively than Iceman has in his entire publication history, according to Marvel Chief Creative Officer Joe Quesada.
"If you can't beat 'em, join em," Quesada told The Outhouse, promising that Iceman's new status as a woman would not only boost Marvel's count of female characters, but also settle the age old debate on whether Iceman is gay.
"She definitely is into dudes," Quesada commented, "but now she's into them heterosexually."
Questioned on why Iceman couldn't become a lesbian, Quesada grew silent for a moment, before his eyes began spinning rapidly like a slot machine, finally settling on two green dollar signs in place of corneas with a resounding "cha-ching."
Frozen grossed over $66M in its Thanksgiving wide opening, bringing its total up to $93M domestic and $110M worldwide. It was a huge Thanksgiving opening, with 81% of its audience reported to be families. The success was made even more impressive by the fact that it followed last weekend's record-breaking Hunger Games: Catching Fire opening, which was the sixth biggest opening of all time and the best ever for November.
Asked whether Marvel would consider changing the gender of other characters in order to find brand synergy with Disney movies, Jason Aaron reportedly volunteered to change Wolverine into a fourteen year fish-girl in order to feature him in a Little Mermaid remake, with a bearded Jason Aaron lookalike filling the role of Prince Eric. Aaron left in a hurry, whistling "Here Comes the Bride."
The movieverse may be affected as well, with Jeremy Renner reportedly being asked to adopt a Scottish brogue and long mane of red hair in Avengers 2 in order to more closely tie in Hawkeye with Brave. Rumors are also beginning to circulate surrounding the plot of the upcoming sequel to Finding Nemo, Finding Dory, in which the titular fish, voiced by Ellen DeGeneres, will leave Marlin in order to have an affair with Namor, King of Atlantis. Greg Land will provide storyboards, traced from the upcoming Aquaman porno spoof from Vivid Entertainment.
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
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