Young Detective Dee: Rise of the Sea Dragon
There's already kind of a lot going on in that title.
Apparently this movie was about a semi-fictional Chinese detective who lived in the Tang Dynasty. There were several stories written about the character, and now movies directed by Tsui Hark.
Describing the movie requires me to use words like "it's a kung-fu detective monster movie." Because that's totally what it is.
The story starts off with the Emperor's fleet going to fuck somebody up for some petty bullshit reason. But the appearance of a giant sea monster wrecks the fleet. This is considered a crime that must be solved as opposed to a GIANT SEA MONSTER THAT WRECKED THE FLEET.
Dee is a (young) detective going to the big city to work for the emperor's police force. He runs immediately afoul of kung-fu thugs plotting to abduct a high-society hooker-type bitch. The arrival of a monster dude fucks their plan up. The local cops connect the appearance of the monster dude with the sea-beast that fucked the fleet in the ass. But as it turns out, this case might be more complex than it initially seems. Ha-ha, I'm kidding. It's monsters.
Luckily, when he's not whupping some kung-fu on fools, Dee is like the Chinese Sherlock Holmes, so he begins to piece together the mystery of what's really going on. SPOILER ALERT: it involves a fucking sea dragon, goddamn it.
Plus there's a horse that runs underwater faster than it can run on land. And a mad doctor with a gorilla arm.Yeah, I dunno.
It was weird, but basically all that weird shit was kinda cool. It's subtitled, though, and the subtitles go by really fast, so it's easy to miss some lines of dialogue.
"You must be proud, bold, pleasant, resolute,
And now and then stab, as occasion serves."
Edward II: Act 2 Scene 1, by Christopher Marlowe