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4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes. Fee

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James Mulholland
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4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes. Fee

Postby James Mulholland » Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:00 am

Hey everyone. Here is my new webcomic 'Proud'. It's only a 4 page story, so if you have a couple of minutes, I'd really appreciate if you could give it a read. If you like it, then please share it around. If you haven't checked out my other stories, then please do. Feedback is appreciated. - http://Shortstories.webcomic.ws/comics/16/

If you want to keep up to date with stuff I'm doing, Follow me @ - https://www.facebook.com/JamesMulhollandPage OR https://twitter.com/James_Mul1990

Art and Colors by Caitlin Soliman. - http://salamispots.deviantart.com/

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outsider
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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby outsider » Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:11 am

Very nice (and heartbreaking! Way to stomp on my heart, JM!)
I totally didn't see the ending, so well-done on the emotional component. 8)

Couple of edits/suggestions:
-Panel 5 on Page 2 - "You shouldn't of came" - that might be what someone would say, but it's bad grammar
-Correct "AND" in second panel of Page 3 (currently says "AMD")
-

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby Pizza Dog » Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:23 am

:shock: Wow! Like outsider, I so did not see that coming. Such a sad ending. Very effective.

If I may also add a suggestion.

The first speech bubble. Maybe instead of "bring me to the park" put "take me to the park". Just 'cause, he's not AT the park when he's saying it, so it kind of sounds a bit off.
Events been to:

SFX Weekender 3 - Sci-Fi Weekender 4 & 5 - Kapow! '12 - Leeds Comic Con '11, '12 & '13 - Skottie Young Signing Tour '13 - Newcastle Film and Comic Con '14 - London Film and Comic Con '14

Events going to:

Leeds Comic Con '14 - Sci-Fi Weekender 6 - Newcastle Film & Comic Con '15 - Nine Worlds '15
_________

:-D :-D ** I visit America in 85-Days ** :-D :-D

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby James Mulholland » Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:57 am

I'm really glad both of you enjoyed it, so thank you for that. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Follow me to keep up to date with more.

I'll go now and fix up the suggestions you made, can't believe I missed the AMD.

Thanks,

James

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby Herald » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:37 pm

Well done! I also was impressed by the twist ending!

outsider wrote:Couple of edits/suggestions:
-Panel 5 on Page 2 - "You shouldn't of came" - that might be what someone would say, but it's bad grammar


The phrase is supposed to be "shouldn't have." It's often spoken as a three-word contraction, "shouldn't've," and people often think of the phrase as "shouldn't of." (Both of the latter are incorrect grammar, of course.)

Und dat iz my Grammar Nazi deed for zer day!!

*clicks jackboot heels* :wink:

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby outsider » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:47 pm

Herald wrote:Well done! I also was impressed by the twist ending!



The phrase is supposed to be "shouldn't have." It's often spoken as a three-word contraction, "shouldn't've," and people often think of the phrase as "shouldn't of." (Both of the latter are incorrect grammar, of course.)

Und dat iz my Grammar Nazi deed for zer day!!

*clicks jackboot heels* :wink:
Muthafukka - I'll have you know I have a (completely useless) degree in Engrish!!
Instead of going into the hows & whys he was wrong, I figured he was writing phonetically and gave him the (much lazier) implied suggestion to rewrite it. :lol:
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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby Herald » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:51 pm

outsider wrote:Muthafukka - I'll have you know I have a (completely useless) degree in Engrish!!
Instead of going into the hows & whys he was wrong, I figured he was writing phonetically and gave him the (much lazier) implied suggestion to rewrite it. :lol:


Fair enough. :lol:

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby cettel » Tue Apr 15, 2014 3:53 pm

Wow. What a great piece. Congrats. Can't wait to share with others.

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby whatle02 » Thu Jun 19, 2014 5:44 pm

That's actually a pretty cool comic! hahah he's cute

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby James Mulholland » Fri Jul 04, 2014 9:31 am

Thanks everyone. really appreciate you all taking the time to read.

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby Michael Anden » Sat Jul 05, 2014 5:06 am

Jesus Hell, this is some strong material! Only question I have- how are his folks able to speak normally with gags on? (Yeah, I know its his fantasy, but...) :D

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby James Mulholland » Sat Jul 12, 2014 10:08 am

Michael, Haha that is the main thing I got asked. The reason is it's all in the child's head (a very young child at that), so it all adds up to the fantasy of it. The art has other small details like that throughout, ie. a spoon as the magnet for the note, and we all know how spoons can be used in heroin. :)

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Re: 4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes.

Postby lukasz.draws » Sun Aug 10, 2014 3:03 pm

That was fun to read. Good job, I like surprising endings :-)

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