The Outhouse - The Greatest Comic Book Forum

by **Muppetesque** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:09 am

Given so many of you masturbate non-stop, I offer the following help from the interwebz...

http://www.geocities.com/paul_ervine/aguide.html

Full of gems like...

* When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell

"STOP!"

repeatedly as loud as you can and then loudly recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn outloud like "Power In The Blood". Nevermind what others may think when you yell "STOP!" or when you start singing. You're doing this for God and for yourself! If you need to follow this pattern 40 times a day - its OK! It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to you-know-what.

Your Christian friends will understand and they won't think you are bizarre.

AND

Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you. If you have a lapse of self control and you wank, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar can be used in conjunction with the report you will posting on the refrigerator door each day for your family to see. You can also use the calendar to show your pastor how you have done.

AND

Men - if you constantly wake up with an erection, you may have to take evasive action. The erection may be caused by the need to urinate. You can overcome this problem by inserting a small plastic tube into your penis and up into your bladder before going to bed at night.

The air line from your fish tank will do fine.

Run the open end of the tube into a plastic bag and secure the bag firmly with a rubber band. Your urine will run straight through from your bladder to the plastic bag. No need to urinate! No erection!

Of course you may end up with a nasty infection in your urethra and bladder from a dirty plastic tube but don't worry. An infected urethra and bladder is very painful and the pain will also help discourage an erection.

A WORD OF CAUTION! Be very discreet when inserting the tube into yourself. If your little brother or sister walks into your room when your shoving the tube up your penis, into your bladder, it will be very difficult to explain to them exactly what you're doing.

Be sure to put the tube back into the fish tank each morning so the fish won't die from lack of oxygen. Good thing those fish don't know where that tube was the night before.

With this guide, help make the Outhouse a masturbation free zone!

by **Greg** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:11 am

Fuck that shit. I'll jerk off whenever I wanna jerk off! :evil:

by **Timbales** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:23 am

Yeah, self catheterization is the way to go.

by **oogy** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:31 am

Why would anyone want to stop mastubating?

It's good for your prostate! :-D

by **Starlord** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 10:07 am

oogyboy wrote:Why would anyone want to stop mastubating?

It's good for your prostate!

so are a few other things. ;-)

by **Cat-Scratch** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 11:20 am

Greg wrote:Fuck that shit. I'll jerk off whenever I wanna jerk off!

In other words -

[meme]BlahBlah[/meme]

by **Muppetesque** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 11:23 am

starlord wrote:so are a few other things.

I think your techniques should be shared... maybe you can use some of the shirtless avatar people and make an educational video?

by **IvCNuB4** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 11:25 am

I'll volunteer. Depending on what his techniques are though I reserve the right to wear a mask. I believe I still have a leather hood around here somewhere :twisted:

by **Timbales** » Thu Sep 17, 2009 11:30 am

IvCNuB4 wrote:I'll volunteer. Depending on what his techniques are though I reserve the right to wear a mask. I believe I still have a leather hood around here somewhere

what is this? www.maskerbate.com?