by GCom » Sat Jun 14, 2008 4:10 pm
What... the random... ****... is this fresh Hells?!
I'm gonna go find whoever thought this up and I'm going to slip into his house (and by "slip in" I mean drive through the wall with a truck while he's eating dinner), rape his cat, eat his dog, pee in his bed, fry up his fish and say bad things to his kids.
Now that the introductions are out of the way, we'll get to the part where I start venting my anger.
First I'll start by tying him to a tick-infested chair and making him watch smurfs from the beginning to the end of the series in 8X fast forward. The he watches it in rewind, normal speed. After that he watches it in slow-mo.
Next I rub him all over with cheese graters and wood rasps, followed by a dunking with lemon juice and ice-cream sprinkles.
If he doesn't understand that I'm upset at this point, I'll start to cut away his teeth with my fingernails. I will replace his teeth with leggo bricks and wood-glue.
He should now understand that I am upset, and take the opportunity while he still has a right hand to sign a "kill-project" order.
If he doesn't get the idea at this point, I just set up a slow-pour of sodium on his head, about 30 pounds worth. On my way out the door I break any close-by water pipe and smile knowing that all the evidence is going to be erased.
Then I go hunting the next guy in the chain.
With Tolerance For Peyo... If Hate Could Enable Time-Travel, We Would Never Have Known About Smurfs...
Yeah, that was me. I did it. Now do somethin' and entertain me, or step away so others can.