Written by Ryan Dunlavey
Art by Richard Elson
So last night, I was starting to get worried. I read four comics and they were all good. Not a stinker to be seen.
Then this morning got good about the time gnome boy pushed Red Sonja over a water fall! Yeah, that’s more like it. Then there was Amlah’s book of the week Heartbreakers - I like to think of it as hater fodder.
But this one... ghastly.
All right, first there is Marvel.com fail number two, no Cebulski writing in Heartbreakers (FYI Amlah, he is busy translating all them Soliel books that no one besides me reads). Then there is the solicitation for this book saying art by McGuiness. No it’s not. It’s this Elson guy, more on that later.
Second is the cover. Holy shit! Wolverine is Gay. Awesome news for Starlord!
Next, the concept of an all ages Wolverine books baffles me. The guy has foot (plus?) Long spike/claws that shoot out of his hands and then he hits people with them. I thought PG13 was insult, but this is a G rated comic... unthinkable folks. And for parents who want safe Wolverine comics, FUCK YOU!!!! He has claws and slices people up and he should curse and dammit I want him to smoke cigars. You hear me Joey Q. Let the fucker smoke, you Nazi bastard!
Then there is the story. Random fight with Lizard tears up restaurant. Said restaurant operator pissed, Logan destroyed her catering job - she is probably gonna have to close up shop. Wolvie helps her, but then finds out is that what the bitch really needs is someone to Gorden Ramsey her place or find her missing pa who went on a hunt for secret ingredient never to be heard from again. Then it turns into Gepetto in the whale, except the whale is a tentically sea monster thing. Yeah, who the fuck cares?
Finally, the humor. Other than an inspired cry of “LOUGANIS!” (See told you Logan was gay) while diving, the humor is like a five year old doing stand up.
Pedestrian and below average. The story gets a little boost from the art. Only a slight improvement though, cause the art suffers from overrenderitis. The inventive designs and manga stylings of the line work are marred by needless detail in the close ups that looks bad compared to the less detailed work of broader shots.
Fuck a score, this book is useless. Suck on that Franklin Richards and Image United!
Pull list: Afterlife with Archie, Bodies, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Coffin Hill, Dead Boy Detectives, The Fade Out, The Goon, Harley Quinn, Hinterkind, Iron Fist: The Living Weapon,The Maxx Maximized, Miracleman, Ms. Marvel, Multiversity, Rasputin, Rocket Raccoon, Sandman: Overture, Silver Surfer, The Walking Dead