The New Avengers #1
Written by: The Great One
Art by: Stuart Immonen
Masterpiece. Triumph. Tour de force. These are the kind of words that spring to mind when considering The Great One's seven year run on various Avengers books. The architect of the dark age of Marvel, and the creator of the Heroic Age has been absolutely on fire, and as He has just wrapped up one of the most epic, long-running storylines in Marvel history with Siege, the conclusion to the story that began in Avengers Disassembled, readers everywhere have been anticipating the start of another defining era. Well, everywhere except the internet, where nitpicking haterz congregate to spew pathetic, jealousy-fueled venom from the anonymous comfort of their parents' basements.
Haterz, for instance, complain about The Great One's use of Marvel Magic in this issue. For some reason, despite Marvel Magic following the same rules it has since its inception (make up crazy, magical sounding names for spells and objects and ascribe whatever powers desired to it), haterz are claiming that His use of magic in this issue defies the laws of logic. By the hoary hosts of STFU, you people are fucking ridiculous. I mean, it's certainly no "saying words backwards", but the magic here functions as it always has and as magic should. If anything, The Great One's addition of captions describing the spells and what arcane text they come from adds more legitimacy to this, an adolescent fantasy about super-powered beings beating each other up.
The fact is, haterz just refuse to admit that The Great One has pulled off another home run, and that this is a fantastic first issue. We see some heroic age goodness, the interaction between the various Marvel Universe characters and the newly resurrected Steve Rogers and newly redeemed Tony Stark, which people have been clamoring for since they realized the end of the dark age was in sight. We also have the beginnings of a unique and interesting storyline, with a yet to be revealed big bad villain, and a cast featuring some of the most interesting characters of the magical corner of the Marvel Universe. The contagious possession happening in this book is intriguing and the interaction between the possessed and their future victims when the realization occurs that these are not the people they seem to be is ominous and chilling.
A mystery has been set up that I want to know the answer to, a sense of danger to the Marvel Universe has been established, and our protagonists have been left on the verge of an attack. What more could anyone ask for in a first issue?
Well, if you're a hater, you're probably wondering about the following:
On page 1, Dr. Strange is wearing a brown trenchcoat. Where did he get this? Is it tailored or off the rack? Can he show us a reciept?
On page 6, Iron Fist pulls a dollar our of his spandex suit to give to Luke Cage, who doesn't have any money. But Cage's costume is blue jeans and a t-shirt. Where does Iron Fist keep a dollar on a spandex suit? Is tucked underneath his balls? Does Luke's hand smell like liverwurst now? What is Luke spending money on that he doesn't have a dollar?
On page 8, Doctor Voodoo's Sanctum Sanctorum is littered with candles, with Voodoo floating above them, meditating. Isn't his ass getting hot? Furthermore, where did these candles come from? Did he get them at the dollar store? Yankee Candle? At the very least, an in-story explanation should have been provided for this. "What are you doing, Jericho?" "I'm trying to meditate, Daniel." "Where did you get those nice candles?" "I stopped by Bath and Body works last week for their semi-annual sale."
On page 10, Danny Rand is shown in one panel to be wearing a flat blue shirt, but in the next panel, the shirt has a pattern. Did he change between panels? WTF Bendis?!
On page 13, Victoria Hand hands Luke Cage a handwrittten note from Steve Rogers. Steve grew up in the 30s, and as a result, was almost certain to have been trained in handwriting in school. Before everyone typed everything on the internet, handwriting was very important, and I refuse to believe that Steve's handwriting would be so sloppy. Furthermore, on page 14, the letter appears to be two pages as Luke holds it in his hand, while the full text of the letter is clearly contained on only one page. What is on the second page? Is it a dirty drawing of Spider-Woman? I hope so.
Later on that same page, Luke Cage performs a thunderclap move, sending Hand flying back through the hallway of the Avengers mansion. Though she is clearly moving very fast, as evidenced by the motion lines and the motion of the leaves of a plant as she flies past, the chandeliers on the ceiling do not move at all. This is highly improbable.
On page 15, there is an add for UFC action figures with the tagline "as real as it gets." This is a lie, as these toys are made out of plastic, and you can clearly see the plastic joints at te various articulation points. That's not very real at all.
On page sixteen, Hand is shown to have had one of her shoes blown off by the thunderclap, but in the next panel, she is leaving the mansion with both shoes on. What the hell?! We never saw her put the shoe back on! Lazy writing!
On page twenty, Victoria hand is drinking a cup of coffee. It's bad enough that no one has explained whether this is regular or decaf, but after a conversation with Luke Cage and Wolverine, on on the next page, Hand gets up to leave with the pair without finishing her drink, or paying the check. Are we simply to assume these things occur off panel?! I find that hard to believe.
The following two-page spread shows the New Avengers eating around a table. Spider-Man and Hawkeye are sitting next to each other, and each has his own plate and glass, but mysteriously, in between the two is an extra glass. The Avengers mansion staff has always been shown to be very competent, and I refuse to believe that they would set an unneeded glass at the table. This should have been addressed.
Finally, on page 24, Luke Cage drops the Eye of Agamotto, but on the final page, page 27, Cage is shown holding the item again. An important act like picking up the item he dropped should have been drawn on panel, IMO.
The next page, an I Am an Avenger promo page, shows a bunch of characters I have never seen before. I don't think these people are really Avengers.
The end of the book features backup material titled "The Oral History of the Avengers." But it's clearly written down, making it a written history. Another Bendis contradiction.
Haterz: get the fuck over it.
Last edited by S.F. Jude Terror
on Sat Jun 19, 2010 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I LOVE BLUD BLOOD! - Rob Liefeld
some idiot on facebook wrote:I don't like your belittling tone, Jude. Just because I don't know how to spell the language of some tiny African nation doesn't mean that I'm wrong in thinking that your attitude towards women is 100% wrong. Obviously, you're some skinny, single nerd living on the East Coast who probably derives value in life from wrestling matches, hoping that Wolverine gets to sleep with teenagers and engaging in casual drug use. You're literally the worst thing to happen to comics since Stan Lee.