Goddamn Goblin Sharks, man.
Their fucking entire jaw extends forward. Normally, they look like a fairly regular shark until those jaws whip out. The first I ever heard about these things was on some Sci-Fi channel monster movie shitfest, and I said to myself. "No. No, there's no way that's an actual thing." But it is.
Then, there's the Frilled Shark, which sounds like some wussy bitch-tittied shark that favors ruffles and lace, but which looks like a cross between a shark, an eel and a much more fucked up looking shark:
and which has teeth that look the fuck like this:
It's creatures like this that prove there is no God, because I don't know who in the fuck could have created this shit, if they were all loving and what-not. Don't even get me started on Architeuthis Rex. A giant goddamn squid with swiveling hooks instead of suckers?
Are you shitting me?
The entire reason I started eating fried calamari was just so I could say I ate something that preys upon humans. If i ever get devoured by a giant squid, my last words will be "Yeah bitch, but I ate more of you than you ate of me!"
Why does this muthafucka need hooks? That swivel?
That's why sperm whales are cool. Not because they have an awesome name that caused me no end of amusement as a kid. But because they throw the fuck down with the Architeuthis Rex and whup its ass. And eat the giant fuckfaced bastards.
So, I dunno. Those are some real-ass monsters. Even Godzilla looks at these muthafuckas like, "Dude. Serious?"