The Outhouse - The Greatest Comic Book Forum

by GHERU » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:34 pm

(here's some constructive criticism) who are the people in the first page?

That's not the first page. These blogs are tricky you have to read them upside down.

"not coming" is two words and a file belonging to Private Rogers would be "Rogers' file"

one is probably a type 'O'. So it's just a correction not criticism.

what does that second paragraph have to do with anything? it would be helpful if it was sooner than her third panel before we are told that the woman is Sharon Carter for someone who only knows what she read in a file, she sure does get close to Steve real quick. Is Sharon a slut?

Whoa, slow down. Slut? Obviously these are questions out of the ignorance of the characters history. I'm not going to complain.( Go to wikipedia and look it up. They have it-Stan!)

Army" ? Is the U.S greater than the Army? what does the page before this have to do with anything? Who would start a conversation like that? Of the two people talking you made the Irish looking redhead the Jew? There's avoiding stereotypes and then there is absurdity

That's a mighty racist comment there Mengele... James Kahn is a red headed Jew. Woody Allen, even Harpo Marx. Come on.

V2.47.jpg shield depth continuity issues Overall - your choice of font color makes it hard to read sometimes, especially since I had to open each page as a new tab just to see the text.

That's the idea. To Click on each page.
So try and read it again from the beginning and if you dont understand something or you don't get the connection, look it up. like the Sharon/ Cap relationship.

Thanks for all the corrections.

by GHERU » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:35 pm

GHERU wrote:I understand the Sharon Cap relationship in the "real" comics, but as this is set in a different continuity and that it took three pages for her name to be used there is nothing in this comic to show that they have the same relationship as they do in the comics. Especially since you comic does nothing to set up that relationship. If she had been seen in part 1, I would understand not identifying her right off, but if you are using her as Captain America's girl friend then that needs to be clear much earlier than it is. Their dialogue is not how lovers, even spy lovers, would speak to each other. After such formal talk, her allowing Steve to grab her is very abrupt and disrupts the flow of your story.

The redheaded comment was meant to be a joke, but as you took it seriously: Woody Allen and Harpo Marx are dark redheads, not the Irish redhead in your comic and I have no idea what James Kahn looks like since Wikkepeida says he is an author and has no picture. I've seen many a dark redheaded Jew at my synagogue, but bright orange red, I'm sure they exist but, c'mon. I still think there was no need for him to be that unique looking, and its even more jarring considering the look of the guy he is talking to.

I understood your comic, in fact I had to explain it to quite a few people who are also comic book readers. That being said, you're not Hickman, if I don't understand something it is not because you have a complex script, its because the communication and meaning are lost along the way. That could be not identifying the characters soon enough or it could be poor choice of font color against sand. As it is, you, I guess (and I could be wrong) are trying to gain a following, gain readers, gain attention, and the best way to do that is make your comic new reader friendly with every new posting. Don't ask your readers to go to wick, look at pervious parts, or imply that they are stupid. Tell them what you think they should know:

"I was waiting in the train station, having just finished drinks with Dugan, and I saw my handler and sometimes lover Agent Sharon Carter walking over to me…"

There, you have introduced a new character, set up her relationship, and made it so none of the following dialogue / narration has to be changed. Also, you don't have to get snippy with your readers with "look it up on wikki" remarks that might make them not want to keep reading your work.

I do not think this blog format does you any favors with the fact that the reader has to keep going back and opening a new tab. Maybe if there was an arrow opine ("next page -->) or even if changing the url address's page number would work but as it stands it is way too much work for your readers to get the full effect of your comic. Internet users are notoriously lazy, and there were a number of people at the outhouse that stated the reason they stopped reading was that it was too much effort to get to the next page.

by GHERU » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:36 pm

Racist Imagery? How deep does one have to look to find race in a patriotic car friggin toon? Some one has a huge stick up their ass, sideways!

GHERU wrote:"Racist Imagery?" yes, the bucktooth Japanese man is a standard in anti-Japanese racist imagery. It was very popular with the propaganda machine the US used during and after WWII. OF all the art in this comic, I thought that page was the best and captured the posters of the era almost perfectly.

by Benderbrau » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:54 pm

GHERU wrote:well, he didn't really like all that I had to say

Marine1 wrote:This is great stuff, when we goona see this in the stores?

31c4ce76-c2a2-11e0-acf0-000f20980440 wrote: Better than the movie! The art is beautiful and the story is more in sync with the origins of Cap. Not like the hollywood futureistic crap that we just saw. Hats off to the creator.

by S.F. Jude Terror » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:59 pm

Benderbrau wrote:Don't feel bad. I think it's clear that he doesn't like what any real person has to say. He seems to prefer the comments posted by his imaginary aliases who say things like:

or

Are you fucking kidding? There's no way that these are real comments from real people.

by Apache Chef » Sun Aug 14, 2011 6:25 pm

Benderbrau wrote:Don't feel bad. I think it's clear that he doesn't like what any real person has to say. He seems to prefer the comments posted by his imaginary aliases who say things like:

or

Are you fucking kidding? There's no way that these are real comments from real people.

by Benderbrau » Sun Aug 14, 2011 6:39 pm

Apache Chef wrote:

You should apologize to that marine.

by Lord Simian » Sun Aug 21, 2011 5:59 am

Apache Chef wrote:

You should apologize to that marine.

by HNutz » Sun Aug 21, 2011 8:55 am

GHERU wrote:


"U.S> Army" ? Is the U.S greater than the Army?
what does the page before this have to do with anything? Who would start a conversation like that?

Of the two people talking you made the Irish looking redhead the Jew? There's avoiding stereotypes and then there is absurdity

by HNutz » Sun Aug 21, 2011 9:59 am

COOPCAP wrote: By the way where is you're art? do you write stories? Do you have a blog?

by TimDrake'sDumbWings » Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:22 am

by TimDrake'sDumbWings » Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:23 am

HNutz wrote:So Siskel & Ebert and everyone else can't review movies, books, comics, etc. because they haven't made one themselves? Lame.

by Starlord » Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:54 pm

Lord Simian wrote:
Nah, if history proves anything, it's that when someone insults a marine, it's not THEIR job to apologize. It's some completely random person who has no involvement.

As such.... Bender, you insulted that marine. Hence, it is now incumbent upon, um.... I dunno.... Starlord. How dare Starlord not apologize immediately?!

by Chesscub » Mon Aug 22, 2011 3:17 pm

by The Old Doctor » Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:27 pm