by GHERU » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:35 pm
my reply
GHERU wrote:I understand the Sharon Cap relationship in the "real" comics, but as this is set in a different continuity and that it took three pages for her name to be used there is nothing in this comic to show that they have the same relationship as they do in the comics. Especially since you comic does nothing to set up that relationship. If she had been seen in part 1, I would understand not identifying her right off, but if you are using her as Captain America's girl friend then that needs to be clear much earlier than it is. Their dialogue is not how lovers, even spy lovers, would speak to each other. After such formal talk, her allowing Steve to grab her is very abrupt and disrupts the flow of your story.
The redheaded comment was meant to be a joke, but as you took it seriously: Woody Allen and Harpo Marx are dark redheads, not the Irish redhead in your comic and I have no idea what James Kahn looks like since Wikkepeida says he is an author and has no picture. I've seen many a dark redheaded Jew at my synagogue, but bright orange red, I'm sure they exist but, c'mon. I still think there was no need for him to be that unique looking, and its even more jarring considering the look of the guy he is talking to.
I understood your comic, in fact I had to explain it to quite a few people who are also comic book readers. That being said, you're not Hickman, if I don't understand something it is not because you have a complex script, its because the communication and meaning are lost along the way. That could be not identifying the characters soon enough or it could be poor choice of font color against sand. As it is, you, I guess (and I could be wrong) are trying to gain a following, gain readers, gain attention, and the best way to do that is make your comic new reader friendly with every new posting. Don't ask your readers to go to wick, look at pervious parts, or imply that they are stupid. Tell them what you think they should know:
"I was waiting in the train station, having just finished drinks with Dugan, and I saw my handler and sometimes lover Agent Sharon Carter walking over to me…"
There, you have introduced a new character, set up her relationship, and made it so none of the following dialogue / narration has to be changed. Also, you don't have to get snippy with your readers with "look it up on wikki" remarks that might make them not want to keep reading your work.
I do not think this blog format does you any favors with the fact that the reader has to keep going back and opening a new tab. Maybe if there was an arrow opine ("next page -->) or even if changing the url address's page number would work but as it stands it is way too much work for your readers to get the full effect of your comic. Internet users are notoriously lazy, and there were a number of people at the outhouse that stated the reason they stopped reading was that it was too much effort to get to the next page.
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Rain Partier
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by GHERU » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:35 pm
my reply
GHERU wrote:I understand the Sharon Cap relationship in the "real" comics, but as this is set in a different continuity and that it took three pages for her name to be used there is nothing in this comic to show that they have the same relationship as they do in the comics. Especially since you comic does nothing to set up that relationship. If she had been seen in part 1, I would understand not identifying her right off, but if you are using her as Captain America's girl friend then that needs to be clear much earlier than it is. Their dialogue is not how lovers, even spy lovers, would speak to each other. After such formal talk, her allowing Steve to grab her is very abrupt and disrupts the flow of your story.
The redheaded comment was meant to be a joke, but as you took it seriously: Woody Allen and Harpo Marx are dark redheads, not the Irish redhead in your comic and I have no idea what James Kahn looks like since Wikkepeida says he is an author and has no picture. I've seen many a dark redheaded Jew at my synagogue, but bright orange red, I'm sure they exist but, c'mon. I still think there was no need for him to be that unique looking, and its even more jarring considering the look of the guy he is talking to.
I understood your comic, in fact I had to explain it to quite a few people who are also comic book readers. That being said, you're not Hickman, if I don't understand something it is not because you have a complex script, its because the communication and meaning are lost along the way. That could be not identifying the characters soon enough or it could be poor choice of font color against sand. As it is, you, I guess (and I could be wrong) are trying to gain a following, gain readers, gain attention, and the best way to do that is make your comic new reader friendly with every new posting. Don't ask your readers to go to wick, look at pervious parts, or imply that they are stupid. Tell them what you think they should know:
"I was waiting in the train station, having just finished drinks with Dugan, and I saw my handler and sometimes lover Agent Sharon Carter walking over to me…"
There, you have introduced a new character, set up her relationship, and made it so none of the following dialogue / narration has to be changed. Also, you don't have to get snippy with your readers with "look it up on wikki" remarks that might make them not want to keep reading your work.
I do not think this blog format does you any favors with the fact that the reader has to keep going back and opening a new tab. Maybe if there was an arrow opine ("next page -->) or even if changing the url address's page number would work but as it stands it is way too much work for your readers to get the full effect of your comic. Internet users are notoriously lazy, and there were a number of people at the outhouse that stated the reason they stopped reading was that it was too much effort to get to the next page.
Last edited by GHERU on Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
RUviewsBenderbrau wrote:Welcome to the Outhouse. Where civility means you're doing it wrong.

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