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by GHERU » Sun Aug 28, 2011 8:52 pmall in all, from what I remember, this is one of he best put together of the stories and the flashback format seemed to really work for you
by Greg » Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:40 am
Compared to the last few? I honestly feel this one's rather weak.
But I'm always grateful for your time reading these! Thanks, GHERU!!!!
by GHERU » Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:16 pm
Storywise, yea its not the strongest
Structure, direction, and everything elsevthat writing comics entails its better than he first couple I read
I still haven't gone back and looked at any I missed
by Arion » Thu Sep 01, 2011 2:01 pm
by Greg » Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:01 pmMy drawing of Jeremy in the style of Bruce Timm.
by Arion » Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:29 pmYou should do this more often.
by Greg » Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:09 am
Heh, thanks, man. I appreciate it. I had fun doing it.
by Greg » Wed Sep 21, 2011 7:43 am
by Arion » Wed Sep 21, 2011 3:20 pm
You're welcome. You're getting lots of good artists to work for you.
by Greg » Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:20 pmOver at penciljack, someone who runs a weely sketch group has been asking some writiers to pitch ideas for characters and have the sketch group do some if they please. The last few batches have been from there and all have been amazing. Here's another:
by Arion » Sun Sep 25, 2011 3:14 pmI like that one too.
by Greg » Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:43 pm#18: Jeremy Tableau and the Job
Panel One: The sun is bright in the sky as we open up to the backyard of Robert Lashley. Lashley is standing at the edge of his giant pool, accompanied by an expensive and beautiful house and statues and plants in the backyard. Lashley is dressed in a fine suit and is heavy set. Think Michael Clarke Duncan. Behind him is a man dressed in a black turtle neck, leather jacket, and black slacks. Caucasian, brown slicked back hair, and a scar going down his left eye. This is Richard Head, Lashley’s enforcer/right hand man. In the pool we see a dead body floating.
Caption: The behemoth is the wealthy Robert Lashley. Typical no-nonsense crime boss with a hand in the black market for antiques and all that jazz.
Caption 2: The handsome rugged dude is Richard Head, his enforcer and right hand man. We have a bit of a history dating back to when we were in school. We made each other’s life a living hell.
Lashley: Is he here yet?
Richard: No, sir, but I will have to inform you for the hundredth time that trusting someone like Jeremy Tableau is a bad idea. We won’t know where he stands and in the end he’s only out for himself.
Lashley: I like him more every time you talk about him.
SFX (by Richard’s pocket): Riiiiiiiiinnnngggg
Panel Two: A small panel of half of Lashley’s face, no expression on his face and Richard behind him answering his cell.
Panel Three: Same shot only this time Richard is looking towards Lashley while Lashley has a smirk on his face.
Richard: He’s arrived... sir.
Panel Four: Jeremy Tableau, our hero, is standing in the large lobby/foyer of the house with a grand smile on his face. He is a young black man in his early 20s dressed in a suit and tie, suit being white. He has a duffle bag (http://www.pierotucci.com/data/imgprodo ... g_2101.jpg) in his hand and his arms are extended. Behind him are a few or Lashley’s assistance/bodyguards.
Caption: And that’s me! Yours truly!
Jeremy: No need to fret, Jeremy Tableau is here! Dick Head! Long time no see!
Panel Five: A shot of Jeremy, Lashley, and Richard. Lashley and Jeremy are shaking hands while Richard is sneering.
Lashley: I hope the first class air ride and drive over here was to your liking?
Jeremy: Oh yes. The ladies in the limo was quite the excellent touch.
Lashley: I’ve done my research to help you at ease. Now if you please... business.
Jeremy: Well why else would I be here for?
Panel Six: A shot of Jeremy and Lashley walking off with Richard looking at them, wary of Jeremy.
Panel One: Jeremy and Lashley are sitting on a small table at the patio, glasses of wine in front of them along with plates of food. Salad and chicken for Jeremy which he’s eating, Lashley’s plate is untouched.
Jeremy: I’ve been able to figure out that this T. Jacobs character has quite a number of people working for him. Rats and moles right under our very noses.
Jeremy 2: I’ve also been compiling a list of other people and their assets he’s hit. And this man, or woman, now has a lot of enemies.
Lashley: I’d like to see this list.
Panel Two: Lashley and Jeremy on another angle.
Jeremy: Confidential, my dear Watson. I may have a running mouth, but even a levee dries up at some point.
Lashley: And your plan?
Panel Three: On Jeremy, chewing food in the side of his mouth.
Jeremy: I’ve been ... able to find some rats hiding in the belfry of my father’s assets.
Jeremy 2: Jacobs fingers run deep in the networks but I’ve been able to track some of these ... rats down.
Jeremy 3: Learned some other things, names, other... plots involved, etceteras.
Jeremy 4: Yo, this salad is poppin’!
Panel Four: Back to the both of them. Lashley is looking at Jeremy with a deep, serious glare while Jeremy is pointing his finger at the table, as a means of explaining to Lashley that he is serious.
Lashley: How do I know I can trust you? How do I know you’re not fucking with me?
Jeremy: You don’t. Like I don’t know if you’d be fucking me over in some way. Checkmate, my soul brutha.
Jeremy 2: But joking aside, Robbie. We will find out who these people are.
Panel Five: Lashley is rising out of his seat as Richard is behind him.
Lashley: I’ll be holding you to this promise, Jeremy. For your sake, I hope it’s kept.
Lashley 2: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve other matters. Mr. Head shall see you to your quarters. I understand you two know each other.
Panel Six: Lashley has left as Richard is still standing, his hands in his pockets, staring at Jeremy who has a smile on his face and arms crossed.
Jeremy: Is this anyway to treat an old friend, Dick Head?
Jeremy: Dick. C’mon, man. We go way back, you and I!
Richard: For years I’ve pissed and came shit because of you!
Jeremy: It was a joke!
Panel Seven-Eight: Both panels are close ups on both Richard and Jeremy. Six is half of Richard’s face and Seven is the other half of Jeremy’s. Richard is angrily glaring at us while Jeremy has a devilish smirk as he’s about to put his glass of wine to his mouth.
Richard: I’m going to kill you, Tableau, when this is over. But for now I’m watching you. Closely.
Panel One: We’re in Lashley’s office now. He has stuffed animals and human and demons heads mounted on the walls, all types of books and crazy looking artifacts, etc. On the side inside of the shelf to the right of the room is a big screen TV. The back wall where his table is in front of is a glass wall showing outside. Lashley is sitting in his desk, one leg on his knee. Jeremy is at the front of this desk to the left, sitting and leaning against it, his arms crossed In the middle of the room stands Richard. In this shot, we’re behind Lashley and Jeremy as we’re looking at Richard with a confused look on his face.
Caption: Two months has passed and I’ve gotten pretty close with Lashley. Think Cesario to Duke Orsino... And Dick here as Valentine...
Richard: You wanted to see me?
Lashley: Richard, how long have you been working for me?
Richard: ... A few years.
Lashley: Have you been unhappy serving me, Richard?
Richard: ...No, sir. Is something up? What has Tableau been feeding into your head?
Panel Two: We’re now looking at Jeremy and Lashley. Lashley has a drop dead serious look on his face, Jeremy has a cocky smile, and a remote control in his hands.
Jeremy: Ooh, if I were you, I wouldn’t be changing the subject. If you’d so kindly look at the TV screen to your right...
Panel Three: We’re looking at the big screen TV which is now on. We’re looking at four squares, each showing different actions of Richard. The first clip has Richard going through files, the next he’s placing the files in his inside pocket of his jacket. The next clip he’s looking up at a red gem and the next he’s putting it in the same pocket while looking to see if anyone’s coming. Richard is looking at the screen in shock.
Jeremy (off-screen): Dude, stop fronting. Yo’ ass got caught red handed.
Richard: This is a joke! Sir, that’s not me, that’s Jeremy! It has to be!
Jeremy (off-screen): Riiiight, I just so happen to have brown hair, white skin, a scar on my face, that awesome jacket...
Panel Four: An intense shot of Richard striking Jeremy, blood coming out of his mouth. A red gem, the gem of Herstin, is falling out of Richard’s jacket.
Richard: Shut up!!!
Panel Five: Jeremy is on the floor, peering up at Richard with a smile still on his face, blood leaking from the side of mouth. The gem is on the floor in front of him as he’s rubbing his mouth.
Jeremy: Oh... I see.
Panel Six: A shot of Richard’s head being blown from a gun blast, the gun in Lashley’s hand.
Panel One: Jeremy is on his feet now, looking down at Richard, now a corpse on the floor, blood splattered. Lashley is still holding the gun up.
Jeremy: (sighs) You know... I was planning on getting some information. Just saying.
Lashley: Why? I already know who you are...
Panel Two: Jeremy has an embarrassed smile on his face, his posture as if he’s shrugging with one hand at the back of his head. We don’t see Lashley except for his hand pointing the gun at Jeremy. Think of this sort of like Lashley’s POV.
Lashley: T. Jacobs.
Jeremy: Ha! Alright, alright. I give up. You’ve caught me. Heh.
Jeremy: So I bet you wanna know why, huh?
Panel Three: A shot of the gem on the floor.
Jeremy: See that gem on the floor? I stole it a while back and after some black marketing, you got it. I would have just stolen it back, but you see...
Panel Four: Back to Lashley, gun still in hand and pointed at Jeremy, who’s still calm with a smile on his face.
Jeremy: Tracking you down, I’ve learned quite some shit. Involved in drugs, weaponry, child prostitution, child labor, and many more goodies, and you’ve screwed over some of my friends and fam. You’ve got a lot of enemies.
Panel Five: A shot of a contract form with a bunch of scribbles, symbols, and plot drops. Jeremy’s hands can be seen holding it up.
Jeremy (off-panel): So, as the saying goes: Enemy of my enemy is my homeboy, we’ve set up a plan to retrieve things that were stolen from us and more.
Jeremy 2: And we’ve made this sweet contract where the instant you find out my connections to T. Jacobs... you drop dead.
Jeremy 3: Speaking of dead: Dick was in fact loyal to you. The Dick on the video was actually my pet rat, Lebeur.
Panel Six: Back to Jeremy and Lashley, Jeremy holding the contract up and wiping the blood off the side of his mouth with his finger. Lashley still has the gun up.
Lashley: Well looks like the laughs on you, Tableau. Your plan failed. I’m still standing.
Jeremy: Heh, oh yeah. My fault. I forgot to sign it.
Panel Seven: A small shot of Jeremy’s blooded finger being pressed on the contract form.
Panel One: We’re in Decemia, a “realm” of sorts with the appearances of the times of old legend and folklore, think Greek mythology. We open up this page inside a room in a castle, a dungeon like place with all sorts of weapons, swords, knives, arrows, spears, maces, etc. In the middle of the room is a young, handsome, white male, long black hair, sweaty, as he’s practicing his sword play. He is shirtless and ripped, black pants. This is Prince Tai of Decemia. Jeremy is walking out of a ball of fire, his arms up as if saying, “I come in peace” behind Tai, who’s head is slightly turned to him.
Jeremy: Prince Tai... your highness.
Panel Two: Tai now has turned around and has the sword pointed towards Jeremy, anger on his face. Jeremy has his hands up.
Jeremy: (sigh) Another compensating weapon at my face. Oh, the innuendo.
Tai: You’re a fool to show your face in Decemia after your last visit. If it’s a beating you want, I shall be your executioner. Draw a sword!
Jeremy: Nigga, is you crazy?! You’d beat the shit outta me!
Panel Three: Another angle on the two, Tai still holding the sword up, Jeremy’s arms are now down. A small, simple smile on his face.
Tai: Come to play another one of your tricks, sorcerer?
Jeremy: Actually, yes. The last one I’ll ever play on you. Just... put the sword down. Please. Just trust me.
Panel Four: Tai’s sword is down with Jeremy having his hand on it as he plants a soft kiss on Tai’s lips.
Panel Five: Tai is now alone and he’s confused, his head to the side looking for Jeremy.
Tai: ... Jer--
Panel Six: Tai is reaching for something in his mouth.
Panel Seven: A shot of the gem of Herstin in Tai’s hand.
by shannonh » Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:45 amYou just had to go there, didn't you?
by Greg » Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:51 am
I've no idea what you're talking about.
by Greg » Mon Oct 31, 2011 1:50 pm#19: Jeremy Tableau and the Serpent's Tail
Panel One: We open up in a dark lit room with a round table at the center. The table is large enough to seat about 7-10 people and has a spiral design of a serpent, the center being a serpent’s head and the jaws wide and looking up with a lit candle inside of it. Half of the seated subjects look human. Have one person with long horns growing out of his head, one with red skin and long silver hair, someone actually with a serpent’s head, and the rest is up to you. Just as long as half is human looking and the other half demon looking; male and female, different ages would be good. I’ll describe more of the characters when we focus on them specifically.
The protagonist of this story is human and is named Harry Salvator. He’s a Caucasian man, slick back black hair, good looking, in his 40s-50s. I imagine him looking like Sonny Corinthos, the mob boss of General Hospital played by Maurice Bernard. On his lap is a boa that he’s petting as if it were a cat.
Caption: The Serpent’s Tail
Caption: An underground and secret group of the Under-Underworld.
Cotton (a human member): Lord Salvator, if I may speak-
Salvator: In all forms of honesty, Cotton, you try my patience with your continuing failure.
Cotton: Sir, this most recent setback was not my fault!
Panel Two: On Salvator, a serious but slight disinterested look on his face.
Caption: And I, Harry Salvator III, am the Head of the Serpent’s Tail.
Caption: I am the Head of Power itself.
Salvator: I’m bored, Cotton. Please be quiet. I will discuss the matter with you personally after this meeting.
Salvator: Locali. I trust good news on your end.
Panel Three: On the snake demon, Locali. He’s wearing a business suit and is very slim. Head is of a snake, hands are scaly. Next to him is another member who will be talking. Let’s name him Genki, long horns growing out of his head.
Locali: The Unicorn Dussssst is a hit amongsssst the younger magisssss of the Under-Underworld in thissss sssssity. And the essssensse of thossse magisss are being drained regularly into the ssssity’ss magick ssssoursse.
Salvator (off-panel): And the source of the drug? Are we traceable?
Locali: No, ssssir. Not of the drug.
Genki: While the drug may not be traceable, word seems to be breaking upon gossiping lips of a Serpent Tail’s club. We’ve never had issues of concealment, but its-
Panel Four: On Salvator and another member next to him, Cannibus, the red skin demon with long silver hair.
Salvator: It’s done.
Genki (off-panel): Sir?
Cannibus: I’ve killed them. We were aware of this.
Salvator: With the movement of the Unicorn Dust picking up and draining it’s users of their essences, our plan is coming into fruition. The city’s magick essence drawing from the Under-Underworld will be ours to control once the final piece is in place.
Panel Five: On another member, Psynth. White eyes and bald, with tattoos all around his face and head.
Psynth: Which I must say is a gamble. The Blacksheep is a clever imp guided by a Lord of Tricks. It’s not necessary to get involved-
Panel Six: Back to Salvator and Cannibus.
Salvator: The boy is dating my daughter. He’s involved in our operation whether he or we like it or not. Do you think I should pass this opportunity by? This is divine fate that moves us and the odds are in our favor.
Cannibus: I’ve created a potion that will attract and have Blacksheep’s will in our hands.
Panel Seven: Back to Psynth.
Psynth: This will blow up in our faces. We can’t afford-
Panel Eight: On Salvator.
Salvator: The magickal essence and remains of Addam Tableau was trapped in the main core of this city’s Under-Underworld and now works as a lock. The Blacksheep, being the bloodline- the son of Tableau- is the key to finally unlocking it and giving us what we need. All the essences drained from the magis right at our hands.
Salvator: This design will go as planned. Period.
Caption: Having power also gives you the final word.
Panel One: We’re now inside of a high class looking strip club. Gorgeous women of all kinds dancing and removing clothing. Everyone seems to generally be having a good time.
Caption: But one should know when power should be rested.
Caption: I could be home right now, at the comfort of my own bed with my wife.
Panel Two: We’re now at one stage where Salvator and three of the Serpent Tail’s members are watching a beautiful naked woman dance and flirt with them. Salvator doesn’t seem to be as impressed while his friends are all enjoying themselves, money and drinks in hand. One member, Globlyn, has his arm around Salvator, speaking to him. Globlyn is a pale demon with scars all over his face.
Caption: ...I’m dragged into this: a congregation of unrequited erections.
Globlyn: You know, Harry, you really need to lighten up. We’re not at the round table anymore.
Other member: Get him a private lap dance!
Panel Three: Close in on Salvator shocked and appalled at the suggestion.
Salvator: How dare you?! I’m a married man!
Panel Four: We’re now in a private VIP room where Salvator is seated and a beautiful, curvy stripper is bent over in front of him. He has a slight smile on his face.
Panel Five: The stripper is now rubbing against Salvator, holding and moving his hands around her body.
Caption: ...Tonight is shaping out to be a fascinating night.
Salvator: Uh... so.... do you have a name?
Panel Six: Close up on the stripper as she’s looking over her shoulder at him and winks.
Caption: Fascinating being an understatement...
Jeremy (Off-panel): Harry Salvator...
Panel One: A shot of Jeremy Tableau, the Blacksheep. Good looking black male in his early 20s, dressed in a white suit and hat. He’s sitting next to Salvator, with a smile on his face. A multi-image of the stripper turning into a raven. This is Lebeur, Jeremy’s shape shifting pet.
Jeremy: I heard you’ve been looking for me.
Panel Two: A shot of Jeremy blowing dust into Salvator’s face, Salvator coughing.
Panel Three: We’re now in a black void, lit candles spread around. Salvator is now getting up from the ground, dust still on his face. Jeremy is standing behind him, confident and calm with a piece of chalk in his hand.
Caption: Where the hell am I?
Jeremy: Let’s call this place limbo. Guess where you’re going.
Jeremy: At your service. Though, not at the service you wanted of me.
Panel Four: Salvator is up on his feet, his gun to his side but pointing at Jeremy. Jeremy has walked past him.
Jeremy: But seriously, man? Love potion disguised as perfume? If your daughter sleeps with me, you gain control of my body and mind?
Jeremy: I’ve used this very same potion in the past. You really should be careful of who you’re dealing with.
Salvator: Heh. Impressive, boy. Though I won’t let you get me without a fight.
Panel Five: Jeremy is now knelt at the floor, drawing a line with the chalk.
Jeremy: Who said we needed to fight? I found out about your plans. For such a secret organization, you guys really can’t keep a secret.
Jeremy: Also, if you needed me, all you could have done was ask. Why do you think I even got involved with your daughter?
Panel Six: Close in on Salvator. From this panel and the rest following, we see Salvator starting to discolor slightly and slowly while also slowly rotting.
Salvator: You’ve planned this?
Panel Seven: On Jeremy, expanding the line into a semi-circle.
Jeremy: Actually, yes. Get your attention, get into your good graces, join your club, gain power.
Jeremy: That’s all the Serpent Tail’s about, right? Power. But now, well... gotta make an example out of you. Show you my power.
Panel One: Salvator is now putting his gun away. He’s standing in the middle of what Jeremy is drawing. The circle is closing in around him, more designs in the middle. It’s revealing to be a Veve. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veve). The Veve will at the end resemble something similar to this http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h29/x ... kyKane.jpg.
Salvator: A clear understanding at how our world works. I thought given your current mindset and reputation, my plans could move forward.
Jeremy: You mean the word spreading that I’m going soft after what happened with my son?
Salvator: Among other events. You’ve been off your game lately, Tableau.
Panel Two: Closer on Jeremy, still drawing. Salvator isn’t the focus on this panel, but show him still, even if it’s his legs.
Jeremy: Which is why I have something to prove.
Salvator: You’ve nothing to prove, Blacksheep. Even while you’re speaking with me, you’re playing your tactic. It’s always the kind hearted ones who have the most damaging power.
Panel Three: Salvator is looking down at his hand, noticing his rotting self.
Salvator: You’ve poisoned me.
Jeremy: Yeah. Pufferfish. No hard feelings.
Panel Four: On Salvator smiling.
Salvator: No hard feelings. I was growing tired of this world. I’m just content it was someone of goals and aspirations to remove me from the game.
Panel Five: Jeremy is now standing outside of the circle, looking at Salvator. The Veve is completed.
Jeremy: Why do I have a feeling you’ve seen this coming? Or even planned all this?
Salvator: The pieces are all in place. Do as you must. If the Fates do wish for it to be so, it shall be.
Salvator: But I ask for one request: Take good care of my daughter.
Panel Six: The Veve has ignited into flames with Salvator in the middle, burning. There’s no screams, no pain. Salvator has accepted his fate.
Caption: In the end, power is everything.
Caption: Though true power also lends itself to knowing when to let it go...
Page Five: Jeremy is now at the Serpent’s Tail table, a smile on his face. Lebeur as a raven is sitting on his shoulder and Salvator’s pet snake is on his lap. Behind him stands Gerard, his smiling vampire best friend with his arms crossed, and a zombie Salvator, his body not fully rotted but discolored and his eyes white. He’s standing stiff and tall, all personality gone. Gerard is a young man of Hispanic/Black heritage with corn rows and dressed in gothware. All the members of the Serpent’s Tail are seated and looking at Jeremy. Some are calm and some obviously look uneasy at Jeremy now being in power.
Caption: ...Before it ultimately corrupts you.
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