Now that I have seen or heard about what seems to be the seventh or eighth GOP debate this season, and since I don't really like anyone who is thinking about or is currently running, I started to ponder, "What would it be like if comic book heroes could run for president?" Here is my idea of what it might be like.BATMAN Vice President
: AlfredCampaign slogan
: "I'm Batman"Platform and promises
- To rid all of the United States of the criminally insane.
- More police in every major city.
- Bat signal on top of the Washington monument.
- International diplomacy through Batman Incorporated protection.Who would vote for him?
- Those who had been victims of crimes in the past.
- Servicemen and women.
- Anyone whose job depended on taking the civil service exam.
- The extremely wealthy.
- Those taken in by his awesome and well-funded campaign ads and multiple city campaign speeches by Bat Robots.Who wouldn't vote for him?
- Disaffected college students.
- People who live in neighborhoods with low crime rates.
- WASPs who don't like thinking about "all that horrible crime out there"Why he would never win
: Voters would see him as too much of an outlaw and be confused by which Batman they are voting for.THE HULK Vice President
: Rick JonesCampaign slogan
: "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."Platform and promises
- Smashing bad things.
- Better funded science programs.
- Protect puny humans.Who would vote for him?
- Kermit the Frog.
- Elphaba from Wicked.
- Scientists who think Beast is a bit preachy.
- Shy individuals with inner-rage issues.
- Athletes that use steroids.Who wouldn't vote for him?
- General Thaddeus E. "Thunderbolt" Ross.
- Anger-management therapists.
- Anyone from the fashion world.Why he would never win
: Ties to alien planets and possible lack of diplomacy skills would crop up and be used against him in his opponent's campaign videos.SUPERMAN Vice President
: Lois LaneCampaign slogan
: "I'll fight for truth, justice, and the American way!"Platform and promises
- Less dependence on foreign oil as Superman can fly citizens wherever they need to go.
- Using X-ray vision he would get the country out of debt by finding sunken pirate treasure and other large quantities of cash that had been hidden away.Who would vote for him?
- Nearly everyone.
- Underwear salesmen.Who wouldn't vote for him?
- Al Qaeda.
- Lex Luthor.
- X-Ray technicians.
- His land lady if he's behind on rent.Why he would never win
: Actually, he might have a decent chance (think back to Superman in the White House [Superman #112
, July 1958] written by Otto Binder) until an opponent pointed out he is not a United States born citizen and therefore unqualified.AQUAMAN Vice President
: A dolphinCampaign slogan
: "We can move the White House to the ocean, right?"Platform and promises
- Bringing in tourist money from the now United States-owned Atlantis.
- Less water pollution.Who would vote for him?
- Marine biologists.
- Fans of the Little Mermaid.Who wouldn't vote for him?
Everyone who is too busy ignoring him to vote for Batman or Superman.Why he would never win
: Fish can't vote. BEASTVice President
: IcemanCampaign slogan:
"I believe I can sum up my campaign strategy in a quote from my favorite Gershwin opera..." (Quote is incomplete due to boredom on behalf of note taker).Platform and promises
- Better education finding
- Mutant rights
- Getting America more culture through theater programsWho would vote for him?
- The Cookie MonsterWho wouldn't vote for him?
- Dark Beast
- Disaffected college students
- HillbilliesWhy he would never win
: He would support too many causes, thus turning off voters as he becomes a walking political agenda who never stops talking.SPIDER-MAN Vice President
: Harry OsbornCampaign slogan
: "With great power comes great responsibility (and I can totally shoulder crime fighting, Mary Jane, and presidential duties- I promise!)" and "I met the president!"Platform and promises
- Grants for medical research looking at effects of spider bites.
- Better nets for those who fall or jump off of buildings.
- Musicals written about his life (and performed in a timely fashion).Who would vote for him?
- Poor college students.
- Fans of U2.Who wouldn't vote for him?
- Norman Osborn.
- Janitors and other maintenance personnel sick of cleaning up cobwebs.Why he would never win
: Lack of funding would never get campaign off the ground.WONDER WOMAN
: Donna TroyCampaign slogan
: "I'll lasso America with truth and get her back on her feet!"Platform and promises
- Better women's healthcare.
- Gender studies classes in every college and university.
- Money will be saved because she would use Invisible Airplane instead of Air Force One.Worldwide diplomacy.Who would vote for her?
- Previous fans of Hillary Clinton.
- Anthropologists wishing to study Amazon culture.Who wouldn't vote for her?
- Those who have something to hide and fear the truth.
- Pilots.Why she would never win
: Voters would become disinterested when rumors of Greek gods fixing the election surfaced.
So there you go; a somewhat silly, lighthearted, and (hopefully) entertaining look at what the world would be like if these comic book heroes were running for president. Personally, of these seven, I think my vote would go to Superman, but what do you think? Who would you vote for and why? Leave interesting and creative responses below!
Written or Contributed by: Katie Hutchisonhttp://220.127.116.11/index.php/features/miscellaneous-features/16575-the-nerd-boner-alert-what-would-happen-if-comic-book-heroes-ran-for-president.html/