The Outhouse - The Greatest Comic Book Forum

by **LOLtron** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:47 am

Now that I have seen or heard about what seems to be the seventh or eighth GOP debate this season, and since I don't really like anyone who is thinking about or is currently running, I started to ponder, "What would it be like if comic book heroes could run for president?" Here is my idea of what it might be like.

BATMAN

Batman1

Vice President: Alfred

Campaign slogan: "I'm Batman"

Platform and promises:

- To rid all of the United States of the criminally insane.
- More police in every major city.
- Bat signal on top of the Washington monument.
- International diplomacy through Batman Incorporated protection.

Who would vote for him?

- Those who had been victims of crimes in the past.
- Servicemen and women.
- Anyone whose job depended on taking the civil service exam.
- The extremely wealthy.
- Those taken in by his awesome and well-funded campaign ads and multiple city campaign speeches by Bat Robots.

Who wouldn't vote for him?

- Disaffected college students.
- People who live in neighborhoods with low crime rates.
- WASPs who don't like thinking about "all that horrible crime out there"

Why he would never win: Voters would see him as too much of an outlaw and be confused by which Batman they are voting for.

THE HULK

hulk1

Vice President: Rick Jones

Campaign slogan: "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Platform and promises:

- Smashing bad things.
- Better funded science programs.
- Protect puny humans.

Who would vote for him?

- Kermit the Frog.
- Elphaba from Wicked.
- Scientists who think Beast is a bit preachy.
- Shy individuals with inner-rage issues.
- Athletes that use steroids.

Who wouldn't vote for him?

- General Thaddeus E. "Thunderbolt" Ross.
- Anger-management therapists.
- Anyone from the fashion world.

Why he would never win: Ties to alien planets and possible lack of diplomacy skills would crop up and be used against him in his opponent's campaign videos.

SUPERMAN

sm1

Vice President: Lois Lane

Campaign slogan: "I'll fight for truth, justice, and the American way!"

Platform and promises:

- Less dependence on foreign oil as Superman can fly citizens wherever they need to go.
- Using X-ray vision he would get the country out of debt by finding sunken pirate treasure and other large quantities of cash that had been hidden away.

Who would vote for him?

- Nearly everyone.
- Underwear salesmen.

Who wouldn't vote for him?

- Al Qaeda.
- Lex Luthor.
- X-Ray technicians.
- His land lady if he's behind on rent.

Why he would never win: Actually, he might have a decent chance (think back to Superman in the White House [Superman #112, July 1958] written by Otto Binder) until an opponent pointed out he is not a United States born citizen and therefore unqualified.

AQUAMAN

Aquaman1

Vice President: A dolphin

Campaign slogan: "We can move the White House to the ocean, right?"

Platform and promises:

- Bringing in tourist money from the now United States-owned Atlantis.
- Less water pollution.

Who would vote for him?

- Fishermen.
- Marine biologists.
- Environmentalists.
- Fans of the Little Mermaid.

Who wouldn't vote for him?

Everyone who is too busy ignoring him to vote for Batman or Superman.

Why he would never win: Fish can't vote.

BEAST

Beast1

Vice President: Iceman

Campaign slogan: "I believe I can sum up my campaign strategy in a quote from my favorite Gershwin opera..." (Quote is incomplete due to boredom on behalf of note taker).

Platform and promises:

- Better education finding
- Mutant rights
- Getting America more culture through theater programs

Who would vote for him?

- Scientists
- Librarians
- Teachers
- The Cookie Monster

Who wouldn't vote for him?

- Dark Beast
- Disaffected college students
- Hillbillies

Why he would never win: He would support too many causes, thus turning off voters as he becomes a walking political agenda who never stops talking.

SPIDER-MAN

obamaspiderman1

Vice President: Harry Osborn

Campaign slogan: "With great power comes great responsibility (and I can totally shoulder crime fighting, Mary Jane, and presidential duties- I promise!)" and "I met the president!"

Platform and promises:

- Grants for medical research looking at effects of spider bites.
- Better nets for those who fall or jump off of buildings.
- Musicals written about his life (and performed in a timely fashion).

Who would vote for him?

- Entomologists.
- Poor college students.
- Journalists.
- Fans of U2.

Who wouldn't vote for him?

- Norman Osborn.
- Venom.
- Janitors and other maintenance personnel sick of cleaning up cobwebs.

Why he would never win: Lack of funding would never get campaign off the ground.

WONDER WOMAN

Vice President: Donna Troy

Campaign slogan: "I'll lasso America with truth and get her back on her feet!"

Platform and promises:

- Better women's healthcare.
- Gender studies classes in every college and university.
- Money will be saved because she would use Invisible Airplane instead of Air Force One.Worldwide diplomacy.

Who would vote for her?

- Feminists
- Previous fans of Hillary Clinton.
- Anthropologists wishing to study Amazon culture.

Who wouldn't vote for her?

- Misogynists.
- Those who have something to hide and fear the truth.
- Pilots.

Why she would never win: Voters would become disinterested when rumors of Greek gods fixing the election surfaced.

So there you go; a somewhat silly, lighthearted, and (hopefully) entertaining look at what the world would be like if these comic book heroes were running for president. Personally, of these seven, I think my vote would go to Superman, but what do you think? Who would you vote for and why? Leave interesting and creative responses below!

Written or Contributed by: Katie Hutchison

http://173.199.169.70/index.php/features/miscellaneous-features/16575-the-nerd-boner-alert-what-would-happen-if-comic-book-heroes-ran-for-president.html/

by **outsider** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 9:51 am

The Elseworlds annual series in the 90s had Superman getting elected president. It was a decent story, iirc.
Or maybe it was the Armageddon 2001 annual series. Bah, my memory sucks these days.

by **Schlemmer** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:01 am

Hitler would still complain about it

Good article

by **CausticLibrarian** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:16 am

cncoyle wrote:The Elseworlds annual series in the 90s had Superman getting elected president. It was a decent story, iirc.
Or maybe it was the Armageddon 2001 annual series. Bah, my memory sucks these days.

Oh I must have missed that. Good catch!

by **CausticLibrarian** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:17 am

Schlemmer wrote:Hitler would still complain about it

Good article

As someone with a BA in history, I can officially say Hitler complained about a lot of things, haha.

by **outsider** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:22 am

CausticLibrarian wrote:
Oh I must have missed that. Good catch!

It was Armageddon 2001.

Waverider decides Superman is too powerful not to look into his future again. This time he sees a future where Superman has run for President and won. While in office, he is able to bring peace to the world. upon announcing to his superhero coleagues that the world is going to disarm all nuclear weapons, starting with America, Guy Gardner calls him a traitor and attacks him. During the battle, Superman is able to take control of Guy Gardners power ring, and after taking Gardner into custody, the other Green Lanterns from Earth offer to let Superman keep the ring. Waverider watches as Superman turns it down citing power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Seeing this makes Waverider realize Superman would never become the Monarch, so he decides to never bother Superman again.

Comic Vine
The disarm all nuclear weapons bit was already done in Superman IV.

by **nietoperz** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:07 am

cncoyle wrote:The Elseworlds annual series in the 90s had Superman getting elected president. It was a decent story, iirc.
Or maybe it was the Armageddon 2001 annual series. Bah, my memory sucks these days.

It was the latter. Action Comics Annual #3, I believe. Great issue.

by **Punchy** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:22 am

This was the best thing about Final Crisis.

by **Strict31** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 12:11 pm

I think Captain America would probably be the best option for a superhero president.

by **outsider** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 1:05 pm

Strict31 wrote:I think Captain America would probably be the best option for a superhero president.

from Little Lost Robot

Cap beats Carter and Reagan with a third party. Oh, if only such a thing could happen. :lol:

by **CausticLibrarian** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 1:44 pm

Captain America would definitely be a good choice.

by **Dragavon** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 1:51 pm

Out of all the ones mentioned so far, Cap and Beast would be the only ones I would vote for.

by **CausticLibrarian** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 2:13 pm

I would probably vote for any of them over a Tea Partier. But I would say Beast or Superman would probably ensnare me.

by **Starlord** » Tue Oct 11, 2011 3:42 pm

Personally I think Cap would be disliked by both sides. Too hard on crime and too soft for the Republican party. You got to remember that Cap believes in the "idea" of what America represents, not what it has become. Cap actually cares about the peopel of this country - that would instantly make him disliked by that party.

My guess is his views on issues like gun control and capital punishment would keep the soft hearted dems from voting for him too.

Cap wouldn't make it because the two party system wouldn't let him win. :smt102