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 by Zechs » Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:29 pm
*ahem*
http://dratsing.tumblr.com/post/1126470 ... cain-ideas
>There will never be a Cassandra Cain comic where she travels the world having pulp-y adventures fighting any evildoer who’d use the power of martial arts for nefarious purposes, doing jumping kicks between speeding boats and having kung-fu duels on top of burning zeppelins.
>There will never be a Cassandra Cain comic where she suplexes a SUV.
>There will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain swordfights an Apache helicopter while running down the side of a collapsing skyscraper with the entire army shooting at her
>and the army is made of dragons
>there will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain made the dinosaurs extinct
>There will never be an issue where Steph drags Cass into a newly-opened spa but the place is suddenly taken over by a bunch of criminals looking to kidnap a powerful exec, making it Die Hard with Cassandra Cain.
>There will never be an issue where Cassandra saves a random guy about to get mugged, and the guy ends up being president of a videogame company and offers her a job as motion capture artist, but then it turns out the whole thing was just a way to send mind-control waves to children around the world through vidya consoles
>There will never be an issue where Steph’s favorite band cancel their tour after she’d just gotten tickets for the show, so she decides to investigate and she and Cass end up in the middle of a war between record labels that involves ninjas for hire and the DC equivalent of the Wu-Tang clan, ending with Cass defeating a helicopter with a vinyl LP
>there will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain solves the latest crime wave by beating up everybody in Gotham
>You’ll never read an issue of Cassandra Cain fighting a samurai on the wings of a flying Zero fighter headed for a military base
>You’ll never see Cass fight a seven-headed serpent beast called forth from the seventh dimension by a twisted magician hell-bent on world domination who ends up being a Stan Winston-inspired film technician getting revenge on CG-addicted film studios
>You’ll never see Cassandra Cain vs the Female Furies
>You’ll never see Cass going on a holiday to Hawaii at the same time as an alien overlord demands that Earth’s mightiest champions determine the fate of their planet… by surfing, so Cass has to use all his training to learn how to surf and save the world
»Cass will never find herself trapped in the middle of a friendly parody of a John Woo heroic bloodshed film in Chinatown, only to skilfully diffuse the situation with badass kung-fu and a complete lack of giving a shit
>And you’ll never read a final arc explaining that Cass has been cursed by a Fu-Manchu expy to turn her into a magnet for crazy shit and bad luck, and though she defeats him she cannot remove the curse, causing her to turn her back and get away from Steph because eventually she’d get hurt… only for Steph to give her an awkward but whole-hearted speech on how she’s her friends and true friends do not abandon other friends and whatever’s waiting for her ‘round the next turn, they’ll face it together.
>You’ll never see Cass and Steph and other teen heroes kidnapped and used as characters in a mind-bending game of D&D which ends up being an illusion that Cass breaks by being brutally OP
>You’ll never see Cass having to pull off an “Entrapment” to steal a magical Chinese artifact from a museum before a warlock tries to nab it and unlock its secret powers
>You’ll never see Cass framed for a crime she didn’t commit and having to piece it together to clear her name in a noir meets Bruce Lee fashion, like Sin City drawn by David Aja
>In fact, you’ll never see a Cass comic drawn by David Aja
>You’ll never see Cass knock Babs out because she got her stupid ass into a situation she doesn’t have to skill o get itself out of
>There will never be a comic where Cassandra and Steph have to win the championship in intergalactic monster truck demolition derby or all is lost
>and the current champion is Lobo
>There will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain must covertly infiltrate the dead city of R’lyeh
>There will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain fights a volcano
>You’ll never read an arc where Cass has to team up with her mother to take down a secret society that’s kidnapping martial artists to feed their moves into killer kung-fu robots
>And Lady Shiva will never be portrayed as anything more than a cryptic but ultimately depthless death-junkie who gets killed at the drop of a hat
>And her appearance in the arc will never spark enough interest to warrant a mini starring her that explores the positive or negative roles that martial arts can have on the lives of different men and women while also using Shiva’s knowledge of pressure points to turn her fighting style into a less gory but no less powerful version of Hokuto Shinken
>And that mini will never be succesful enough to warrant a Lady Shiva ongoing that’s even MORE pulpy than Cass’s and also benefits from not having to come up with contrived reasons to see her operate outside of Gotham AND is a love letter to Denny O’Neill’s 70s kung-fu comics
>And… and… and…
>…
>;_;
>You will never see Cassandra Cain, Richard Dragon and Karate Kid fighting a three-way battle inside a volcano about to explode while Bruce and the Question fight Ra’s Al Ghul minions to stop his evil plan
>Also, you’ll never read a comic where Cassandra is hired as a stuntwoman in Hollywood and eventually stars in a movie of her own, but the production is plagued by ninjas on a vendetta against her and she has to balance filming with protecting the crew from the evil shadow warriors. And the crew are none the wiser.
>You will never see Cassandra Cain kick cybernetic kung fu hookers through the walls of a rocket-powered rock concert that MUST NOT SLOW DOWN BELOW 500MPH OR THE NOVABOMB EXPLODES
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by Zechs » Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:29 pm
*ahem*
http://dratsing.tumblr.com/post/1126470 ... cain-ideas
>There will never be a Cassandra Cain comic where she travels the world having pulp-y adventures fighting any evildoer who’d use the power of martial arts for nefarious purposes, doing jumping kicks between speeding boats and having kung-fu duels on top of burning zeppelins.
>There will never be a Cassandra Cain comic where she suplexes a SUV.
>There will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain swordfights an Apache helicopter while running down the side of a collapsing skyscraper with the entire army shooting at her
>and the army is made of dragons
>there will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain made the dinosaurs extinct
>There will never be an issue where Steph drags Cass into a newly-opened spa but the place is suddenly taken over by a bunch of criminals looking to kidnap a powerful exec, making it Die Hard with Cassandra Cain.
>There will never be an issue where Cassandra saves a random guy about to get mugged, and the guy ends up being president of a videogame company and offers her a job as motion capture artist, but then it turns out the whole thing was just a way to send mind-control waves to children around the world through vidya consoles
>There will never be an issue where Steph’s favorite band cancel their tour after she’d just gotten tickets for the show, so she decides to investigate and she and Cass end up in the middle of a war between record labels that involves ninjas for hire and the DC equivalent of the Wu-Tang clan, ending with Cass defeating a helicopter with a vinyl LP
>there will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain solves the latest crime wave by beating up everybody in Gotham
>You’ll never read an issue of Cassandra Cain fighting a samurai on the wings of a flying Zero fighter headed for a military base
>You’ll never see Cass fight a seven-headed serpent beast called forth from the seventh dimension by a twisted magician hell-bent on world domination who ends up being a Stan Winston-inspired film technician getting revenge on CG-addicted film studios
>You’ll never see Cassandra Cain vs the Female Furies
>You’ll never see Cass going on a holiday to Hawaii at the same time as an alien overlord demands that Earth’s mightiest champions determine the fate of their planet… by surfing, so Cass has to use all his training to learn how to surf and save the world
»Cass will never find herself trapped in the middle of a friendly parody of a John Woo heroic bloodshed film in Chinatown, only to skilfully diffuse the situation with badass kung-fu and a complete lack of giving a shit
>And you’ll never read a final arc explaining that Cass has been cursed by a Fu-Manchu expy to turn her into a magnet for crazy shit and bad luck, and though she defeats him she cannot remove the curse, causing her to turn her back and get away from Steph because eventually she’d get hurt… only for Steph to give her an awkward but whole-hearted speech on how she’s her friends and true friends do not abandon other friends and whatever’s waiting for her ‘round the next turn, they’ll face it together.
>You’ll never see Cass and Steph and other teen heroes kidnapped and used as characters in a mind-bending game of D&D which ends up being an illusion that Cass breaks by being brutally OP
>You’ll never see Cass having to pull off an “Entrapment” to steal a magical Chinese artifact from a museum before a warlock tries to nab it and unlock its secret powers
>You’ll never see Cass framed for a crime she didn’t commit and having to piece it together to clear her name in a noir meets Bruce Lee fashion, like Sin City drawn by David Aja
>In fact, you’ll never see a Cass comic drawn by David Aja
>You’ll never see Cass knock Babs out because she got her stupid ass into a situation she doesn’t have to skill o get itself out of
>There will never be a comic where Cassandra and Steph have to win the championship in intergalactic monster truck demolition derby or all is lost
>and the current champion is Lobo
>There will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain must covertly infiltrate the dead city of R’lyeh
>There will never be a comic where Cassandra Cain fights a volcano
>You’ll never read an arc where Cass has to team up with her mother to take down a secret society that’s kidnapping martial artists to feed their moves into killer kung-fu robots
>And Lady Shiva will never be portrayed as anything more than a cryptic but ultimately depthless death-junkie who gets killed at the drop of a hat
>And her appearance in the arc will never spark enough interest to warrant a mini starring her that explores the positive or negative roles that martial arts can have on the lives of different men and women while also using Shiva’s knowledge of pressure points to turn her fighting style into a less gory but no less powerful version of Hokuto Shinken
>And that mini will never be succesful enough to warrant a Lady Shiva ongoing that’s even MORE pulpy than Cass’s and also benefits from not having to come up with contrived reasons to see her operate outside of Gotham AND is a love letter to Denny O’Neill’s 70s kung-fu comics
>And… and… and…
>…
>;_;
>You will never see Cassandra Cain, Richard Dragon and Karate Kid fighting a three-way battle inside a volcano about to explode while Bruce and the Question fight Ra’s Al Ghul minions to stop his evil plan
>Also, you’ll never read a comic where Cassandra is hired as a stuntwoman in Hollywood and eventually stars in a movie of her own, but the production is plagued by ninjas on a vendetta against her and she has to balance filming with protecting the crew from the evil shadow warriors. And the crew are none the wiser.
>You will never see Cassandra Cain kick cybernetic kung fu hookers through the walls of a rocket-powered rock concert that MUST NOT SLOW DOWN BELOW 500MPH OR THE NOVABOMB EXPLODES
 sdsichero wrote:
I especially like and admire Zechs. He's everything I wish I could be!
Dragavon wrote:Zechs... is...
Zechs...is...
I can't say it. It's too horrible. Zechs...is...not...wrong...
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