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by **LOLtron** » Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:45 am

Alf to be Replaced by CGI in Upcoming Film Adaptation

The lovable alien will be rendered in CGI in the upcoming movie from Sony Pictures and producer Jordan Kerner.

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

Gordon "Alf" Shumway has had a long and memorable run in the entertainment business. Besides playing himself in the hit, eponymous eighties sitcom for four seasons, Alf has had a cartoon, a comic book series, a late night talk show, a TV movie, multiple commercial and merchandising deals, and even a successful Bouillabaisseball career. A bona fide phenomenon, Alf took a tragic beginning - he crash-landed on Earth after his home planet, Melmac, was destroyed by nuclear disaster - and turned it into unprecedented success and triumph.

However, in the cold, heartless climate of today's Hollywood, all of that apparently means nothing, as the new Alf movie from Sony pictures and Smurfs Producer Jordan Kerner is reported to be a CGI affair. Most fans are appalled that Sony would pass up the opportunity to use Alf, only 256 years old, in a movie based on his own life story, but a little bit of investigation reveals that the furry figure may have brought this insult on himself.

"He was notoriously hard to work with," said a source, wishing to remain anonymous, who worked with Shumway during his stint as the spokesman for 1-800-COLLECT. "Anytime someone would bring a cat on the set, Gordon would try to eat it."

The shocking revelations continued, "'You've got to stop trying to eat people's cats, Gordon,' I told him. 'Hey, no problem,' he said. 'No problem.' But it was a problem. He just couldn't help himself."

Alf's problems go back further than that. Few remember the sex scandal that occurred when Alf fell in love with the daughter of his adopted family, Lynn Tanner. It was highly inappropriate for Shumway, even by Melmacian standards (though not by the standards of most comic book fans), to sexually pursue a sixteen year old girl. However, the shocking events were mostly glossed over, despite video evidence of the alien singing a love song he composed for the girl titled "You're Out of This World." Such sad events tarnish the legacy of the once-great Shumway, who was so respected during his heydey that he actually spoke to the President of the United States about nuclear disarmament.

Maybe it's best that Sony Pictures will use a computer simulation instead of the real thing in the upcoming movie, which will reportedly feature Paul Fusco, Alf's longtime personal assistant, as the voice of Alf. CGI may be a soulless substitute for analog special effects, but at least the craft services department will save money by not having to contend with Shumway's legendary appetite.

Written or Contributed by Jude Terror

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