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Weekend Writing Assignment #1 - Great National Hero

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scottmdavis
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Re: Weekend Writing Assignment #1 - Great National Hero

Postby scottmdavis » Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:24 pm

sorry i haven't posted guys, busy with work and other things.

i'm gonna leave this up til monday and then we will restart things, starting with the horror story.
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Doc Jon
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Re: Weekend Writing Assignment #1 - Great National Hero

Postby Doc Jon » Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:54 pm

scottmdavis wrote:sorry i haven't posted guys, busy with work and other things.

i'm gonna leave this up til monday and then we will restart things, starting with the horror story.


Cool. What's tyhe horror story thing again?
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Re: Weekend Writing Assignment #1 - Great National Hero

Postby Doc Jon » Sun Jul 06, 2008 10:55 pm

This is from Black Kryptonian from the Outhouse. He's interested in our weekly writing assignments, but I just approved his account so I'll post his first one.



Black Kryptonian:

The lunar horizon burst into streaks of silver, blue, and red as Earth’s atmosphere was bombarded by chunks of angry Moon. The Man of Steel floated in the ionosphere, watchful of each chuck, swooping in to change the trajectory of any dangerous strays. For the most part, the pyrotechnics were going exactly as planned. The entirety of the American sky was lit in celebratory fireworks.

Superman tapped the comm in his ear. “That’s good for now, Col. Sparks. Let’s take a break.”

“Roger that,” said the lone man on the moon. “Gives me a chance to enjoy the view again.” Col. Sparks let out a wet cough. “It’s as beautiful as it was in ’73.”

“The world’s a beautiful place, sir. You must’ve missed it.” Superman used his telescopic vision to watch the man hunch over in his space suit. The pain of the tumors must’ve been excruciating, and using his powers to expel parts of the moon was only expediting it. “We can stop if you want, Colonel.”

“No! Absolutely not!” The colonel straightened himself in defiance. “I owe my son this. I owe my country this. I did a lot of bad things.”

“You’ve served your time.”

“I’ve wasted my life.” Another cough. Superman could hear the sputter of blood in his words. “I was an Ultra-Marine and I stained the uniform. I was just so damn mad. Just so…” He fought his body again

“Your crimes don’t take away from your service, sir. We’ve all done our share of the shameful. Believe me, I know. I’ve seen much worse.”

“Ha! You were raised here, right? Your father a vet?”

Superman grinned and squinted down at the last remnants of the Smallville Fourth of July parade. “How did you guess?”

“Just something about the way you carry yourself. You remind me of my son. Always giving people another chance to prove themselves. He was a good soldier too.” A soft sigh. “He didn’t deserve to die that way. He sure as hell didn’t deserve the way I acted afterwards.” Sparks paused and waited for a shiver to past. He checked his oxygen and sifted some sand through his fingers. “I still remember the first time I was here. I remember the cosmic storm. It was like the fireworks my son and I would use in the backyard the Fourth.”

“That’s when you got your powers, right?”

“I thought I was dying, and all I could think about was him. Me, this brave astronaut on the edge of tomorrow, shivering and babbling about his little boy. The world was exploding around me…”

“Colonel?”

“Exploding. All those colors. Fireworks. Just like at night now with the knots in my head. Random sparks. I think about my son a lot.”

“Colonel!” Superman could hear the Colonel’s heartbeat, like steel drumming on wood. He could see a streak of blood dripping from his nose. “I’m coming right up.”

“No, no, I’m alright. I can hold it together,” Sparks said as he slowed his heartbeat and eased his breathing. “I want to continue the fireworks, just like my boy used to like.”

“I don’t know how much more you can take…”

“I’m not going to see another Fourth, and you know it. This is how I want to go out. This is what we agreed on, Superman, even if we never outright said it.”

“You don’t owe anyone anything else, Colonel.”

“Oh, I think I do. And I think you father taught you so, too. Now, if you don’t mind,” Sparks said, straightening his body and tuning into the lunar surroundings, “let’s get on with the show. ”[/
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Re: Weekend Writing Assignment #1 - Great National Hero

Postby Doc Jon » Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:26 am

We're slackers too.

That was the point of the writing assignments. Maybe this way we'll be a little more motivated.

As for your piece, I really like you descriptions. I found them to be vibrant, and I could actually see what you were describing.
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