This one I couldn't really get into at all. This was for penciljack.com. They have these writing contests and give you topics, etc. I tried to write this one but simply couldn't get entirely into it. Tell me what you guys think.
Panel One: We start off in a lovely kitchen and a sink-ful of dishes where a woman, Carol Sinclair, is washing. She is beautiful and has a subtle smile on her face, long black hair.
Panel Two: In her room, Krystal, Carol’s daughter, is lying in her bed with headphones over her ears and writing in her diary. She is dressed in gothic attire, all black, black nair polish and lipstick and eye make-up. Her whole room has a very dark and gloomy feel and tone.
Panel Three: Little nine or ten year old Bobby is sitting on the couch in the living room playing a hand-held game. The living room is very tidy except from the video games and consoles all over the floor in between Bobby and the TV set.
Carol (off-panel): Baby, sweetie! Can you get that?
Panel Four: Small panel of the kitchen sink and Carol’s hands washing plates. On the counter to the right is a towel.
Panel Five: Same shot, only this time we see Carol’s hands wiping itself with the towel.
Carol: Fine, I’ll get it.
Panel Six: We have a shot in front of Bobby now still playing his game and really into it, his tongue touching his upper lip to indicate his full attention to it, his eye brows narrowed. Behind him is Carol walking past the couch.
Carol: I’m sure if your dad called you, you’d listen, huh champ?
Panel One: A small panel of the door handle and Carol’s hand about to open the door.
Panel Two: Outside of the door is Robert Sinclair, sitting down against the door. He is in his fifties. He is actually dead but his eyes are shockingly open and wide. He is wearing a yellow and black superhero costume, his mask that only covers his head and eyes are ripped revealing his true face and hair, but remember, some of the mask is still on his face. Robert looks rather frantic.
Panel Three: Carol has now opened the door, Robert falling down at Carol’s legs. Carol is shocked as both her eyes and mouth are wide open, screaming in horror.
Panel Four: Carol is now holding Robert in her arms, tears bursting from her eyes. In the background we see Bobby standing there, his eyes wide also, looking at his dead father in his mother’s arms. Have Carol have one of her hands on Robert’s face.
Carol: No, no, no! Please, Robert, wake up!
Panel Five: Now a shot of Robert in his casket. Unlike the last panels, he finally looks peaceful. He is in his superhero costume, his mask in his chest.
Caption: Wake up!!!
Panel Six: Wide panel shot of the attendees of the funeral. This is an outside ceremony, extremely packed. A great amount of attendants, mostly a great number of different types of superheroes, all in their costumes. In the front row, of course, are Carol, Bobby, and Krystal. Carol is still crying while both Krystal and Bobby look sad but doesn’t seem to have shed any tears. If you can, in the far back, show a tree with a black figure leaning against it.
Panel Seven: Leaning besides a tree we see a dark skinned black man in a black suit with an evil smile on his face. His whole eye color is pitch black. His name is Dark Sable.
Caption: I really can’t believe this…
Panel One: We open up to a shot of a close-up of Robert in his Captain Supreme mask. He has a huge smile on his face. This is a photo of Robert.
Panel Two: We move back, still looking at the picture in frame being held in a woman’s hands. In the picture is Robert as his superhero alter-ego, Captain Supreme, costume. He is in the middle with a big smile on his face, the other heroes happily around him also. Just have fun making the different heroes and their suits.
Superwoman (off-panel): …I really can’t. Captain is dead.
Panel Three: We see Superwoman’s face now. She has long red hair and has tears coming out of her eyes. Although she’s crying and saddened, she looks rather calm. We see a black man standing behind her to her right, he has his hand on her shoulder comforting her. He is wearing a white and red costume. His name is Red Viper. He has a small comforting smile on his face.
Superwoman: I refuse to believe it. He was a father to me… He…
Red Viper: He was a father figure and role model to us all. He was… the best. I know he wouldn’t want us to be grieving right now.
Superwoman: I know… but… he’s basically invincible…how the hell could he die at this age?
Panel Four: A panel of a fist, belonging to Captain Supreme, impacting on Dark Sable’s face.
Panel Five: Close-up on Captain Supreme’s face looking extremely tired and bewildered. Sweat pouring all over his face. Behind him we can see a building. (Basically, they are fighting in the streets, cars, buildings, civilians here and there watching.)
Caption: …The guy’s nearly invincible…
Dark Sable (off-panel): Heh heh. What’s wrong, Captain. You look a lil’ tired. And you used to hit harder than that.
Captain Supreme: Shut up, Sable. I’ve had about… enough… of you.
Dark Sable (off-panel): Hahaha!
Panel Six: Now we’re at Dark Sable who’s on the ground with a huge smile on his face, his eyes filled with evil glee.
Dark Sable: Yes… it’s taking hold. Can you feel it? The poison flowing through your veins? You will die slowly… and I will finally get that medallion.
Panel Seven: Suddenly, a huge black force resembling a giant spear has emerged and blasted out of Dark Sable’s chest.
Panel One: The black spear from Dark Sable has now slammed Captain Supreme into the building. We can see that Supreme is in terrific pain.
Captain Supreme: AAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Panel Two: Close-up on Dark Sable with a smile on his face.
Dark Sable: Heh heh. That’s what I like to hear. We were able to poison you real good. And what’s better than you being invincible… when you can’t even inject a cure into your system, haha! It won’t be too long until you’re finally gone.
Panel Three: Dark Sable is now standing face to face with a weakened Captain Supreme who is panting and looks as if he’s at the point to collapse. Sable has his grip to Supreme’s collar.
Dark Sable: I hated you for years…now, with you out of my way and that medallion… I will rule your precious city… and take care of your allies… and I will be there for them beautiful kiddies of yours.
Panel Four: A shot behind Supreme as we see he has sent a hard uppercut to Sable who’s all the way up in the sky flying from the huge impact. Some black mist is following Sable.
Panel Five: We are back to Krystal’s room now as she is in front of the window, looking out in the darkness. She looks to be completely lost in her thoughts.
Voice: You’ve done a great job, Krystal. Our plan is working in complete order.
Krystal: Yeah, but I can’t find the medallion whatsoever. I’d really hate to have poisoned my father for no reason.
Panel Six: Dark Sable is now standing behind Krystal with his arms around her in an intimate manner.
Dark Sable: C’mon, no reason? Since when has he ever been there for you? I’ve been here for you since your birth. Who’s raised you?
Panel One: Krystal is now turned around, looking at Dark Sable who has his hands to her chin, ready to kiss her. He has a smile on his face as she has the same normal look she had the whole book.
Dark Sable: Who’s your daddy?
Krystal: You are.
Panel Two: A tight, small close up of their lips touching.
Dark Sable: That’s my girl.
Panel Three: We are looking at little Bobby, a mid-shot of him looking towards us looking completely innocent but at the same time a little surprised, his eyes looking a little watery.
Caption: Last Week
Captain Supreme (off-panel): My little boy, Bobby. <Cough> I know I haven’t been there for you… ever. I apologize… I know see my era as I’m in this bed… sick. Heh, when have you ever seen me sick? I’ll cut the bullshit.
Panel Four: A shot of Captain Supreme out of his costume in bed, looking weak, but looking very direct and stern at Bobby. This is a reverse shot behind Bobby, we’re looking at Supreme from behind Bobby.
Captain Supreme: I’m dying, boy. And there’s something you need to know. I am Captain Supreme, and yes… I’m dying. Someone has poisoned me… I don’t know who, but thus far, there’s been no cure…
Panel Five: Close-up on Bobby as if he’s about to cry.
Captain Supreme (off-panel): Don’t you cry, my boy. Please, don’t feel sad. I need you to be strong. Be strong for your pop.
[B]Panel Six: Supreme now has a golden medallion in his hands, he’s holding it up, showing his son, still looking a bit sick.[/B]
Captain Supreme: This is the Golden Medallion… past on from generations. This is a very special medallion. It’s what allows me to become Captain Supreme… I want… I want you to have this. In due time… when you’re old enough… you will keep this safe and private. You will tell no one!
Panel Seven: Now a shot a bit slightly above Bobby as he’s looking down at the medallion that is now in his own hands, shining brightly. On the left of the panel we see slightly see Captain Supreme.
Captain Supreme: You understand? Good. Make me proud. Don’t cry…just make me proud when the time comes.