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4 page comic, online. Please read if you have 5 minutes. Fee

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James Mulholland

underclassman

Postby James Mulholland » Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:00 am

Hey everyone. Here is my new webcomic 'Proud'. It's only a 4 page story, so if you have a couple of minutes, I'd really appreciate if you could give it a read. If you like it, then please share it around. If you haven't checked out my other stories, then please do. Feedback is appreciated. - http://Shortstories.webcomic.ws/comics/16/

If you want to keep up to date with stuff I'm doing, Follow me @ - https://www.facebook.com/JamesMulhollandPage OR https://twitter.com/James_Mul1990

Art and Colors by Caitlin Soliman. - http://salamispots.deviantart.com/
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StarCruncher

Outhouse Drafter

Postby StarCruncher » Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:11 am

Very nice (and heartbreaking! Way to stomp on my heart, JM!)
I totally didn't see the ending, so well-done on the emotional component. 8)

Couple of edits/suggestions:
-Panel 5 on Page 2 - "You shouldn't of came" - that might be what someone would say, but it's bad grammar
-Correct "AND" in second panel of Page 3 (currently says "AMD")
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Pizza Dog

FROGMAN

Postby Pizza Dog » Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:23 am

:shock: Wow! Like outsider, I so did not see that coming. Such a sad ending. Very effective.

If I may also add a suggestion.

The first speech bubble. Maybe instead of "bring me to the park" put "take me to the park". Just 'cause, he's not AT the park when he's saying it, so it kind of sounds a bit off.

James Mulholland

underclassman

Postby James Mulholland » Mon Mar 31, 2014 11:57 am

I'm really glad both of you enjoyed it, so thank you for that. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Follow me to keep up to date with more.

I'll go now and fix up the suggestions you made, can't believe I missed the AMD.

Thanks,

James
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Herald

YOU WILL NEED A NURSE

Postby Herald » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:37 pm

Well done! I also was impressed by the twist ending!

outsider wrote:Couple of edits/suggestions:
-Panel 5 on Page 2 - "You shouldn't of came" - that might be what someone would say, but it's bad grammar


The phrase is supposed to be "shouldn't have." It's often spoken as a three-word contraction, "shouldn't've," and people often think of the phrase as "shouldn't of." (Both of the latter are incorrect grammar, of course.)

Und dat iz my Grammar Nazi deed for zer day!!

*clicks jackboot heels* :wink:
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StarCruncher

Outhouse Drafter

Postby StarCruncher » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:47 pm

Herald wrote:Well done! I also was impressed by the twist ending!



The phrase is supposed to be "shouldn't have." It's often spoken as a three-word contraction, "shouldn't've," and people often think of the phrase as "shouldn't of." (Both of the latter are incorrect grammar, of course.)

Und dat iz my Grammar Nazi deed for zer day!!

*clicks jackboot heels* :wink:
Muthafukka - I'll have you know I have a (completely useless) degree in Engrish!!
Instead of going into the hows & whys he was wrong, I figured he was writing phonetically and gave him the (much lazier) implied suggestion to rewrite it. :lol:
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Herald

YOU WILL NEED A NURSE

Postby Herald » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:51 pm

outsider wrote:Muthafukka - I'll have you know I have a (completely useless) degree in Engrish!!
Instead of going into the hows & whys he was wrong, I figured he was writing phonetically and gave him the (much lazier) implied suggestion to rewrite it. :lol:


Fair enough. :lol:

cettel

Whippersnapper

Postby cettel » Tue Apr 15, 2014 3:53 pm

Wow. What a great piece. Congrats. Can't wait to share with others.

whatle02

Whippersnapper

Postby whatle02 » Thu Jun 19, 2014 5:44 pm

That's actually a pretty cool comic! hahah he's cute

James Mulholland

underclassman

Postby James Mulholland » Fri Jul 04, 2014 9:31 am

Thanks everyone. really appreciate you all taking the time to read.

Michael Anden

Inhouser

Postby Michael Anden » Sat Jul 05, 2014 5:06 am

Jesus Hell, this is some strong material! Only question I have- how are his folks able to speak normally with gags on? (Yeah, I know its his fantasy, but...) :D

James Mulholland

underclassman

Postby James Mulholland » Sat Jul 12, 2014 10:08 am

Michael, Haha that is the main thing I got asked. The reason is it's all in the child's head (a very young child at that), so it all adds up to the fantasy of it. The art has other small details like that throughout, ie. a spoon as the magnet for the note, and we all know how spoons can be used in heroin. :)
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lukasz.draws

Steroid User

Postby lukasz.draws » Sun Aug 10, 2014 3:03 pm

That was fun to read. Good job, I like surprising endings :-)

daftusual

Faster Pussycat

Postby daftusual » Mon Sep 01, 2014 12:34 am

The only villians here are needles! They are pointy and hurt!
Great twist ending!
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Kurosawa

cheese

Postby Kurosawa » Mon Sep 01, 2014 12:43 am

Very touching. Love the work.

[Reveal] Spoiler: Click to Expand
growing up in an environment of substance abuse is it's own terrible kind of hell. I have people near me who have had this experience, and they will always carry the scars.

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