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Mad Hatter

Postby shannonh » Mon Jul 23, 2012 9:55 am

You're a great storyteller Greg. Keep it up man! IMHO I dont understand why a publisher hasn't picked up this story.
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Rain Partier

Postby Greg » Mon Jul 23, 2012 10:56 am

shannonh wrote:You're a great storyteller Greg. Keep it up man! IMHO I dont understand why a publisher hasn't picked up this story.

Thanks, Shannon! Problem is I have no money to pay for an artist to get this out.
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Rain Partier

Postby GHERU » Mon Jul 23, 2012 11:09 am

Its good to see a broader story start to develop (I've missed a few issues)
I like where this is going, but I still think your dialog comes off as a bit choppy and passive at times, and the conflict in this issue was resolved too quickly.
but, you've come a long way in regards to describing the world Jeremy inhabits and producing drama & tension the reader can feel.
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Rain Partier

Postby Greg » Mon Jul 23, 2012 11:46 am

Thanks, RU! :smt026


Mad Hatter

Postby shannonh » Mon Jul 23, 2012 2:48 pm

Greg wrote:
Thanks, Shannon! Problem is I have no money to pay for an artist to get this out.

I can totally understand that. I dont like asking people to do things for free or on the back end.
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Rain Partier

Postby Greg » Sun Sep 09, 2012 12:45 pm

Previously: Jeremy Tableau, also known as the Black Sheep in the magick community, began an affair with Selene, the daughter of Morpheus, the God of Sleep and the King of the Dream World. Their affair resulted in a child of the Dream World named N’yaj. Initially forbidding Jeremy from the Dream World, Morpheus allowed Jeremy to see his son once every two months. N’yaj, wanting to be close to his father, accidentally summoned the spirit of Uncle Gunnysack, the Haitian boogeyman and former kidnapper and torturer of Jeremy when he was a child. Gunnysack killed various children of the Dream World and kidnaps N’Yaj. Jeremy is able to defeat him but is then banned from ever returning by Morpheus.

Depressed, Jeremy, with support from his vampire best friend, Gerard, begin to act out in strange fashion. He kills Harry Salvator, the leader of the Serpent’s Tail, an evil secret society of magis and takes over the group. He distributes Unicorn Dust, a magically drug that sucks magick essence out of its users and feeds the power to Jeremy. Jeremy also creates a Hand of Mehn, a hand with the fingers and parts of various powerful magis and replaces his hand with it, giving him even more power. With that power, he took vengeance on Morpheus, invaded the Dream World and killed Morpheus, becoming the new King of the Dream World.

#23: Jeremy Tableau and the Debt

Page One

Panel One: We open this story with a panel of a man (any race) in his 30s sitting at a bar table, sullen and sweaty, empty shot glasses in front of him. He has another shot in his hand. He is wearing a suit and tie. The bar seems to be generally empty and dark, the bartender not seen.

Caption: My name is Liam Candle and my soul is heavily in debt.

Caption 2: I’ve been in debt for years, since I was a kid.

Caption 3: Making deals with bullies, demons, whatever.

Panel Two: Another angle on Liam, as he’s raising his glass and looking at it.

Caption: All for some stability in my life. My family has always been poor, cursed with bad luck.

Panel Three: A shot in a dark empty room, a flashback. Liam is cutting his hand, blood falling on top of a sigil on the ground.

Caption: I thought I could make things better… but things just keep getting worse.

Panel Four: Still in the flashback, we now have a shot behind Liam, whose body language emphasizes the horror in front of him. In the shadows before him we see a blurry figure, but its teeth and eyes are clearly visible.

Caption: Years ago I sold my soul to a demon named Balentine.

Caption 2: A sin eater. Bit by bit, he claws at my soul, taking a part of me each meeting.

Panel Five: Back to the bar, Liam shooting the shot down his throat.

Caption: He’s decided that it’s time for me to pay my debt in full.

Page Two

Panel one should be a wide panel. The following panels (2-7) will be in the positions of the 9-grid-layout. So breaking the page into three equal sections, there will be three panels lined up together under panel one, and 3 following panels under the prior three.

Panel One: A dark lit room with a round table. The table is large enough to seat about 7-10 people and has a spiral design of a serpent, the center being a serpent’s head and the jaws wide and looking up with a lit candle inside of it. This is a wide panel shot and the main focus is on Jeremy Tableau, a handsome early 20s black man dressed in a three piece white suit. Jeremy’s right hand is replaced with a Hand of Mehn, fingers belonging to different people, species, and having different colors/skin tones. He has a crow on his shoulder and two men standing behind him. The crow is his pet, Lebeur. The man on to Jeremy’s right is a Latino/Black man with cornrows and dressed in Goth-ware. He has a bit of a sinister smirk on his face. The other man, to Jeremy’s left, is Harry Salvator, a tall, white, good looking man in his 40s-50s with black slick back hair in a light blue suit. He has no expression on his face and no pupils, his eyes fully white.

Jeremy: So what is it exactly that you want from me?

Caption: Jeremy Tableau, the new leader of the UnderUnderworld Crime Syndicate, The Serpent’s Tail.

Caption 2: And the new Lord of the Dream World, usurping Morpheus of his position.

Caption 3: The man to his left is Harry Salvator, the former leader of The Serpent’s Tail. Now a zombie under Tableau.

Panel Two: We’re on Liam who’s on the opposite side of the round table, standing.

Liam: A deal to help me with this sin-eater. Balentine. Please.

Panel Three: Close in on Jeremy.

Jeremy: Do you know who I am?

Panel Four: Close in on Liam.

Liam: The Black Sheep.

Panel Five: Back to Jeremy.

Jeremy: What makes you think you can trust me?

Panel Six: On Liam, staggering to find words.

Caption: He has a reputation of not being trusted, but when he’s on your side, there a sure bet he’ll do the job.

Liam: I-I-

Panel Seven: On Jeremy.

Jeremy: You-you what? I have records of you, Candle, and you got your toes wrapped up in mad shit.

Jeremy 2: You’re a ****ing laughing stock, a whore, in the UnderUnderworld community. And now you’ve come to me.

Page Three

Panel One: On Liam, looking down and ashamed.

Liam: Yes, sir.

Caption: God, what the hell am I doing?

Panel Two: Jeremy is leaning back now, a smug look on his face. Gerard has a smile on his face, his fangs showing.

Jeremy: Sir. I like that.

Gerard: I think it suits you.

Caption: Gerard, Tableau’s right hand man and best friend. Vampire.

Panel Three: Liam, pleading.

Liam: Sir, please. Anything. I have a wife and child arriving. I’m trying my best to support them-

Panel Four: On Jeremy, now serious and a bit down. It’s as if he’s reminiscing something.

Jeremy: Child? Why didn’t you mention your child the first time?

Liam (off-panel): I-

Jeremy: Don’t answer that. Before I decide to help you…

Panel Five: On Liam again.

Jeremy (off-panel): Well, how desperate are you? What can you do for me? I already got a lotta things at my disposal. I’m also the king of the Dream World.

Liam: I can give you the names of the other lords that own me.

Panel Six: Still on Liam.

Liam: If you can clear my debt, you can have their names including their whereabouts. You can extend your empire.

Panel Seven: On Jeremy, a slight smile on his face, a surprisingly comforting and reassuring smile.

Jeremy: Something else too. But I’ll decide. You give me what I want…

Page Four

Panel One: Back to the bar, Liam just finished taking his shot. He’s looking slightly to his shoulder, nearly expressionless, a hairy hand with boils gripping on it. The hand belongs to a figure that’s covered in complete shadow and a hat. This is Balentine.

Caption: …You get what you want.

Balentine: Liam Candle… the time has come.

Panel Two: A tense shot of Balentine in his full form, disgusting and terrifying creature about twice Liam’s size. Fangs are all exposed and a long tongue with warts is out of his mouth and into Liam’s nose, up into his brain. Go wild with how horrifying you can make Balentine. The less human looking, the better. Tears are falling down Liam’s face as he’s rendered paralyzed.

Caption: Take it, you bastard. Take it.

Caption 2: He thinks he’s sucking my soul. The soul is connected to dreams in a sense. And I just made a deal with the Lord of dreams.

Panel Three: Balentine is now knelt and off balance, his tongue to the ground. Liam is standing over him, his hand to his head and nose gushing blood all over the bottom half of his face.

Balentine: What… is this? What manner of trickery is this?!

Liam: Trickery, courtesy of the Black Sheep. You’ve absorbed all the nightmares of my soul. You’ll forever be haunted by them.

Balentine: You fool! You’ve made a deal with someone far worse!

Panel Four: Balentine is on the ground, hands squeezing his head. He’s surrounded by images of nightmarish images. Go all out, have fun.

Balentine: I’m on a table, eaten by baby cannibals… a man whipping me with a belt of fangs… a dying mother… so much… tooooo muuuuuucchh….

Panel Five: Liam is now on the phone, eyes wide in shock.

Liam: Hello? Oh God! NO!

Page Five

Panel One: We’re at a hospital, Liam at the side of his wife who’s on the hospital bed, in a daze and looking off to the void. Liam is holding her hand, his head lying on the bed.

Caption: She had pains, the doctor said.

Caption 2: Pains in her belly.

Caption: Pains that took my baby.

Panel Two: Close in on Liam’s wife’s face, Liam looking at her, tears in his eyes.

Caption: She won’t speak to me. She hasn’t said a word.

Caption 2: Her eyes are watery but the tears won’t fall out. I’ve disgraced them.

Caption 3: I’ve disgraced them.

Panel Three: Walking down the hall of the hospital is Salvator. We’re behind him as he’s making his way towards an elevator.

Panel Four: The elevator has opened, and Salvator is in it. He’s turned to us, exposing that he has a small, still born fetus in his arm. The fetus is grey in color with spots of blood.

Caption: He took my son…

Panel Five: The elevator door has shut closed.

Caption: The bastard took my son.
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Postby Arion » Sun Sep 09, 2012 1:59 pm

Greg wrote:
Thanks, Shannon! Problem is I have no money to pay for an artist to get this out.

Money. I think we all have the same problem.

I could recommend you a couple of good GrayHaven artists and you could do a Kickstarter campaign.
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Rain Partier

Postby Greg » Mon Dec 30, 2013 9:18 am

Just leaving a FB page of my Jeremy Tableau comic. Be sure to like and follow!

Arion and any other artist from here who's been awesome enough to draw for me. Please stop by and Tag/Credit your art pieces! Thanks!
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Postby Arion » Mon Dec 30, 2013 5:41 pm

Greg wrote:Just leaving a FB page of my Jeremy Tableau comic. Be sure to like and follow!

Arion and any other artist from here who's been awesome enough to draw for me. Please stop by and Tag/Credit your art pieces! Thanks!

Good idea.

And also: happy new year!

leave a comment with facebook

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