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Frag

REAL OFFICIAL President of the Outhouse

Postby Frag » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:38 am

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/774158390.html

Awesome. :D

Me: caucasian, white yoga capris and tan tank top
you: Latino, 5'8, in your twenties, sports jersey, short hair, mole on your face.

You might have been following me for a while, Mr. Perv, I don't know - I was on the phone with my mother, venting about my roommate situation (we had to find a new one) and my job search (like, I need a job), when you snuck up behind me, and gently squeezed my ass. Not just the top of my ass, but kinda low, kinda close to my you-know-what, if you know what I mean.

You know, even my boyfriend needs permission to get that close, so having a perfect stranger attempt access so suddenly, so completely out of the blue, triggered my fight-or-flight response. And I *fight*. Did it hurt when I grabbed your collar and punched you in the head? I'm a little worried that I didn't get enough momentum in my swing to make you feel it, seeing as I'm kinda short (5'2"). But you must have felt bad when you took off running and I chased you down so easily - it's not that you're slow, dude, it's just that I run fast, as you might have suspected from the well-muscled form of my posterior, had you been viewing it with its athletic potential in mind.

It was all worth it when you realized you couldn't outrun me and so you stopped with your back to me in shame, and I kicked you in your hole. You might not remember, but I said: "Are you sorry? Are you sorry? Say you're sorry!", and you did. That was great. Then I said: "run on home, you asshole! Run home!" and you did that, too!

Ladies, these pervs are cowards who run in fear when confronted with any kind of resistance. They are weak and pathetic.

To the two guys who came out of their houses when they heard me yelling - thank you for being so aware and willing to help out-especially - Chris, was it? - who walked me home. It's great to know the people here care about the safety of others. Thanks so much.

My mom was really worried, because she heard me start swearing and then the phone went dead (I closed it so I could chase the motherf*cker down) and she thought I had been hit by a car. When I told her what happened, she told me not to be so agro, and pointed out that he could of had a knife or something. True. You're right, mom.

But you're unlucky if you're from this neighborhood, Mr. Perv. Cause I'm here ALL THE TIME (no job, remember?) and next time I'll MACE YOUR FACE. :-D
User avatar

Zero

Zombie Guard

Postby Zero » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:41 am

I might actually be in love. Awesome.

jza1218

Postby jza1218 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:42 am

So does your hole still hurt Frag?

eyp

Fagorstorm

Postby eyp » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:42 am

Zero wrote:I might actually be in love. Awesome.


I saw it first man, I saw it first.
User avatar

Zero

Zombie Guard

Postby Zero » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:44 am

eypcrew2 wrote:I saw it first man, I saw it first.


Yeah, but remember where she said she'd mace you?


I don't care if the joke was done already, I happen to rather like my version also.
User avatar

Frag

REAL OFFICIAL President of the Outhouse

Postby Frag » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:44 am

jza1218 wrote:So does your hole still hurt Frag?


You said you would be gentle! :evil:

eyp

Fagorstorm

Postby eyp » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:45 am

Zero wrote:Yeah, but remember where she said she'd mace you?


I don't care if the joke was done already, I happen to rather like my version also.



HA, I'm not latino! I'm a short Jew!
User avatar

Baskerville Holmes

Hopscotch

Postby Baskerville Holmes » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:45 am

Sounds like she's been reading toolverine's running books.
User avatar

Zero

Zombie Guard

Postby Zero » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:45 am

Pfft, all you ethnic types look the same to me.
User avatar

C20Percent

rubber spoon

Postby C20Percent » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:47 am

Frag It wrote:To the two guys who came out of their houses when they heard me yelling - thank you for being so aware and willing to help out-especially - Chris, was it? - who walked me home. It's great to know the people here care about the safety of others. Thanks so much.


CHRIS IS GONNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!
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lancer_man

Expert Post Whore

Postby lancer_man » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:47 am

eypcrew2 wrote:HA, I'm not latino! I'm a short Jew!


Short Jews are the Latinos of the East coast.
User avatar

nietoperz

The Goddamn Bat-min

Postby nietoperz » Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:53 am

That was awesome! :-D

eyp

Fagorstorm

Postby eyp » Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:03 am

lancer_man wrote:Short Jews are the Latinos of the East coast.



YOURE THE LATINO OF THE EAST COAST
User avatar

chap22

Rain Partier

Postby chap22 » Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:03 am

meh. sounds like creative writing to me.
User avatar

lancer_man

Expert Post Whore

Postby lancer_man » Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:06 am

chap22 wrote:meh. sounds like creative writing to me.


Just because all of your assignments for Creative Writing 101 were rape fantasies it doesn't mean others write the same stuff.

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