For Immediate Release
PRESIDENT CREATES UNIQUE HITS
Frag It Administration Concludes First Week in Power by Increasing Unique Hits by 50%
Outhouse, September 9th, 2011 - The Frag It administration today released statistics claiming that unique hits, the currency on which comic book message boards thrive, have increased by 50% since his administration took over on Wednesday. In a speech given to members of the Outhouse, President Frag It said, "You're welcome, Outhouse."
While partisan detractors accused the administration of bolstering the unique hits number with non-shovel-ready hits, President Frag It responded with a private message, saying "WTF dude? You're the press secretary! And you're fat!" resulting in an immediate retraction.
The Frag It administration, which has seen approval ratings drop from the initially record breaking 100% in the past few days, would like its supporters not to worry, as a fickle public is to be expected amidst a crisis like the one currently affecting The Outhouse. However, Frag It has promised that he will defeat Benderbrau in a contest proclaiming the Outhouse's greatest ballbuster in order to generate more lutz and unique hits to save the economy.
Reports that Frag It intends to bolster the economy with worthless Deuxbux are still considered to be baseless, unfounded rumors. The Frag It administration remains committed to bringing peace to the Outhouse in these troubled times, and President Frag It continues his reign as the greatest president in the history of the Outhouse, a claim yet to be disputed with any validity.
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some idiot on facebook wrote:I don't like your belittling tone, Jude. Just because I don't know how to spell the language of some tiny African nation doesn't mean that I'm wrong in thinking that your attitude towards women is 100% wrong. Obviously, you're some skinny, single nerd living on the East Coast who probably derives value in life from wrestling matches, hoping that Wolverine gets to sleep with teenagers and engaging in casual drug use. You're literally the worst thing to happen to comics since Stan Lee.