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Ninja Resume

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MoneyMelon

Chief Yankee Wanker

Postby MoneyMelon » Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:24 am

I'm bored at work so I wrote this....

It looks better as a Word Document, but here it is anyway



NINJA STEVE

OBJECTIVES: Searching for an organization with potential for advancement where I can utilize my interpersonal skills.

Technical Skills: Nunchucks, kitana blades, throwing stars, poison darts

GENERAL EXPERIENCE:

I have been in the ninja industry for over five years, specializing in secrets of ancient martial arts, assassinating key figures, hand-to-hand combat with authorities in multiple countries, being a sneaky bastard.

The Hand Aug/2005 – December/2007
(Ninja)

• Prioritization of initiatives utilizing sharp weapons to kill those who disrespected the clan
• Ensure that project secrecy is developed and maintained throughout life cycles of projects inclusive of project management deliverables.
• Survived hand-to-hand combat with Wolverine (barely).
• Implemented process continuity and consistency across group of related initiatives which includes best practices, assassination, theft, and sneakiness
• Utilized evil ninja magic to bring fallen ninjas back from the dead.
• Implemented new training techniques to improve efficiency of throwing stars, saving the organization 20% on new weapons
• Responsible for inventory and distribution of weapons
• Acted as mentor to junior ninjas
• Ensure that senior management perceives value propositions of various initiatives at a program level.

League of Assassins June/2002 – Aug/2005
(Ninja)

• Spearheaded initiatives to enforce project management processes and procedures for a group ninjas responsible for the protection of the Lazarus Pits, emphasizing planning, communication and coordination .
• Responsible for the protection of Ra’s Al Ghul.
• Led a core interdisciplinary team tasked with providing tactical and strategic development initiatives as well as hands on frontline operational support aimed at optimizing all phases of ninja related processing and procedures
• Successfully annoyed Batman for 5 minutes before being knocked unconscious by batarang
• Ensure that group of interrelated projects are aligned with business objectives.
• Successfully lead battle against rival ninja clan over mystical artifacts hidden in the Himalayas, reducing losses by 17% from previous ninja battles.

EDUCATION:

Hidden Mystical Ninja Camp in the Mountains- 1998
Ninja Correspondence Training- 1997

INTERESTS:
Weapons sharpening, disappearing, cooking, oil painting


REFERENCES AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST
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nietoperz

The Goddamn Bat-min

Postby nietoperz » Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:39 am

You should send that out (anonymously, of course)! :D
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MoneyMelon

Chief Yankee Wanker

Postby MoneyMelon » Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:40 am

nietoperz wrote:You should send that out (anonymously, of course)! :D

I put it in the company database
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nietoperz

The Goddamn Bat-min

Postby nietoperz » Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:44 am

Does that mean that people are likely to come across it easily?
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MoneyMelon

Chief Yankee Wanker

Postby MoneyMelon » Fri Dec 28, 2007 11:46 am

nietoperz wrote:Does that mean that people are likely to come across it easily?

It'll probably pop up under a search somebody does one day
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Jonathan

Expert Post Whore

Postby Jonathan » Fri Dec 28, 2007 12:31 pm

Hmmmmm...........what would be your asking salary price?

I might have need of your......skills......to dispatch a certain "Cash" man.... :twisted:
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DeadFett

Outhouse Editor

Postby DeadFett » Fri Dec 28, 2007 2:45 pm

That's good Melon and damn funny. :D
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misac

Outhouse Editor

Postby misac » Fri Dec 28, 2007 3:07 pm

Hahaha! That's great but I don't think nunchucks are a good weapon for a ninja.

It sounds more professional than any resume I ever sent.
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Starlord

Outhouse Editor

Postby Starlord » Fri Dec 28, 2007 3:29 pm

:smt043

Ninja coresspondance training made me spit out my coffee!
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MoneyMelon

Chief Yankee Wanker

Postby MoneyMelon » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:35 am

I'm glad you guys enjoyed that

It's tough to keep busy between Christmas and New Years in this business.
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MoneyMelon

Chief Yankee Wanker

Postby MoneyMelon » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:37 am

misac wrote:It sounds more professional than any resume I ever sent.

Part of my job is writing resumes for people

I'm amazed at how many people have no clue how to write one
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Jonathan

Expert Post Whore

Postby Jonathan » Sat Dec 29, 2007 10:16 am

MoneyMelon wrote:Part of my job is writing resumes for people

I'm amazed at how many people have no clue how to write one


So I guess I'll be e-mailing you or PMing you in a few months time, then.... :oops:
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Severed Djed

Bastard #1

Postby Severed Djed » Sat Dec 29, 2007 11:25 am

MoneyMelon wrote:I'm amazed at how many people have no clue how to write one


I'm not.

From what I've seen, few people get any training in how to put a good one together.
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MoneyMelon

Chief Yankee Wanker

Postby MoneyMelon » Sat Dec 29, 2007 2:32 pm

The House wrote:So I guess I'll be e-mailing you or PMing you in a few months time, then.... :oops:

No problem. When you're ready, send me what you got and I'll give you some tips.
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Jonathan

Expert Post Whore

Postby Jonathan » Sat Dec 29, 2007 6:43 pm

MoneyMelon wrote:No problem. When you're ready, send me what you got and I'll give you some tips.


You're the Melon! :D

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