I'm bored at work so I wrote this....
It looks better as a Word Document, but here it is anyway
OBJECTIVES: Searching for an organization with potential for advancement where I can utilize my interpersonal skills.
Technical Skills: Nunchucks, kitana blades, throwing stars, poison darts
I have been in the ninja industry for over five years, specializing in secrets of ancient martial arts, assassinating key figures, hand-to-hand combat with authorities in multiple countries, being a sneaky bastard.
The Hand Aug/2005 – December/2007
• Prioritization of initiatives utilizing sharp weapons to kill those who disrespected the clan
• Ensure that project secrecy is developed and maintained throughout life cycles of projects inclusive of project management deliverables.
• Survived hand-to-hand combat with Wolverine (barely).
• Implemented process continuity and consistency across group of related initiatives which includes best practices, assassination, theft, and sneakiness
• Utilized evil ninja magic to bring fallen ninjas back from the dead.
• Implemented new training techniques to improve efficiency of throwing stars, saving the organization 20% on new weapons
• Responsible for inventory and distribution of weapons
• Acted as mentor to junior ninjas
• Ensure that senior management perceives value propositions of various initiatives at a program level.
League of Assassins June/2002 – Aug/2005
• Spearheaded initiatives to enforce project management processes and procedures for a group ninjas responsible for the protection of the Lazarus Pits, emphasizing planning, communication and coordination .
• Responsible for the protection of Ra’s Al Ghul.
• Led a core interdisciplinary team tasked with providing tactical and strategic development initiatives as well as hands on frontline operational support aimed at optimizing all phases of ninja related processing and procedures
• Successfully annoyed Batman for 5 minutes before being knocked unconscious by batarang
• Ensure that group of interrelated projects are aligned with business objectives.
• Successfully lead battle against rival ninja clan over mystical artifacts hidden in the Himalayas, reducing losses by 17% from previous ninja battles.
Hidden Mystical Ninja Camp in the Mountains- 1998
Ninja Correspondence Training- 1997
Weapons sharpening, disappearing, cooking, oil painting
REFERENCES AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST