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[TheSecondLex]

Gang, I've spent the last week or so realizing something.


Ten years ago I came out.

Oh, sure, the actual process came later, but that, oh, that inner realisation? That flash of light that indicated, yes you like men and that's ok now go look at the wrestling team and be happy....that light? Ten years.

'Course, a little movie called Attack of the Clones came out that year, during which I saw Hayden Christensen's unsettling hands-under-the-sheets nightmares eight times (mock away)...but staring at his pretty little Canadian face stirred something inside and, well, here we are.

Because, you know, you stare at a pretty face for so long and it gets you thinking about and doing other things, and one day you wake up and you think, 'oh dear, I've just thought about a man, this is quite a contravention to everything I've ever been taught or told, but shucks it feels so darn good'. And you don't care because for you it feels right. It feels good. Gordon Gekko's greed speech And especially to some masturbating shit for brains 15/16 year old who can't see the world for little more than a week ahead at a time...yeah, it feels good. Feels like you've taken control of something in your life--which, y'know, you're fifteen, what do you control?--that kind of grown-up, oh, what's the word, that grown-up feeling. It feels good. Identity tautologies


So kudos to you, Hayden Christensen, the patron saint of Team Lex's emotional and, I don't mind sharing, group, because we are all amigos, physical maturity.

Ten years in the gay sun.

Hmm.


(this is not a celebration; a wayward observation, more like) ;)

[Arion]

Gang, I've spent the last week or so realizing something.


Ten years ago I came out.

Oh, sure, the actual process came later, but that, oh, that inner realisation? That flash of light that indicated, yes you like men and that's ok now go look at the wrestling team and be happy....that light? Ten years.

'Course, a little movie called Attack of the Clones came out that year, during which I saw Hayden Christensen's unsettling hands-under-the-sheets nightmares eight times (mock away)...but staring at his pretty little Canadian face stirred something inside and, well, here we are.

Because, you know, you stare at a pretty face for so long and it gets you thinking about and doing other things, and one day you wake up and you think, 'oh dear, I've just thought about a man, this is quite a contravention to everything I've ever been taught or told, but shucks it feels so darn good'. And you don't care because for you it feels right. It feels good. Gordon Gekko's greed speech And especially to some masturbating shit for brains 15/16 year old who can't see the world for little more than a week ahead at a time...yeah, it feels good. Feels like you've taken control of something in your life--which, y'know, you're fifteen, what do you control?--that kind of grown-up, oh, what's the word, that grown-up feeling. It feels good. Identity tautologies


So kudos to you, Hayden Christensen, the patron saint of Team Lex's emotional and, I don't mind sharing, group, because we are all amigos, physical maturity.

Ten years in the gay sun.

Hmm.


(this is not a celebration; a wayward observation, more like) ;)

Thanks for sharing this with us. I think you've found a clever, elegant and very humorous way of expressing something that we all deal with at one point or another. I know, for instance, that way before watching Hayden Christensen I had crushes on some of my male friends and when I was still in high school the thought tormented me. I didn't want them to find out that I was gay.

I had so much fun reading this post. And I'd say this calls for a celebration or at least a toast. Cheers, my friend.

[ThatGuyRoman]

Yeah, I think I kind of always knew, even when I didn't even really know what it meant. I didn't really accept it as a part of myself until I was 15.



I don't know if I could ascribe thanks to any one notable gent, although the naked wrestling scene in Women in Love DEFINITELY helped clear up some doubts.

[Arion]

Yeah, I think I kind of always knew, even when I didn't even really know what it meant. I didn't really accept it as a part of myself until I was 15.



I don't know if I could ascribe thanks to any one notable gent, although the naked wrestling scene in Women in Love DEFINITELY helped clear up some doubts.

When I was 15 I used to think that maybe I could be a straight boy with a slight fetish on other boys... I liked admiring the male anatomy but back then I wasn't sure if I wanted to get some action with that male anatomy. When I was 16 I met a 14-year-old who was in my school and we had a rather confuse and intense relationship. Then it was clear to me that this wasn't a fetish, this is who I was.

[TheSecondLex]

When I was 15 I used to think that maybe I could be a straight boy with a slight fetish on other boys... I liked admiring the male anatomy but back then I wasn't sure if I wanted to get some action with that male anatomy. When I was 16 I met a 14-year-old who was in my school and we had a rather confuse and intense relationship. Then it was clear to me that this wasn't a fetish, this is who I was.

definitely, Ari. I don't remember as crystal-clear a moment for myself, as to like when it became clear this wasn't just something to masturbate over, that it was a real thing that I had to face, but I think it had to deal with like feelings or whatever ("feelings or whatever," said the ever so stoic Chris!) for an old HS friend. To be sure, those never materialised, but to feel That Way about a friend, a close friend, a guy--having never felt anything like it for a gal friend? That was probably the turning point.

What surprises me msot, tangentially, is the amount of people to whom I've come out and they're like, were you molested? And I'm like, no, I just like dudes! And then I tell them the 4h camp story. But no, no moleste. And I guess this doesn't bother me maybe as much as it should? Becuase it still points to an orthodox (re: straight) view of Our Community as deviant, in behaviour if not at least in reasons, if you catch my drift. As if to say something terrible has to happen to MAKE US gay. We can't just Be Gay.

Well. Team Lex says hard cheese

Also, if any of you would care to read my last foray into the supernerdy world of fanfic....first of all, mock away, I've been trying to legitimise the field for eight years. Second of all, let me know or I'll throwq the link up here. So, you know, you can mock some more

[TheSecondLex]

...

i think i killed the thread...

[ThatGuyRoman]

We all have busy homosexual lives to live, dammit!

[GLX]

We all have busy homosexual lives to live, dammit!

"Not I," said the token straight guy.

[ThatGuyRoman]

"Not I," said the token straight guy.

Straight people can lead busy gay lives too! IT'S A MINDSET!

[TheSecondLex]

roman, you're not wrong

Tales From Depressing Hook-Up Ville:

(well the title pretty much explains it lol)

[TheSecondLex]

Also:

Iliupersis

If you're at all interested. (to mock me! Who can't pass that up!)

The old Legion of Doom finally got serious about taking over the world. This is how.

(the title is Latin and means 'The sack of Ilium'; a lost document, part of the epic cycle--which as you know includes the Odyssey and Iliad--which describes the Greek sacking of, you guessed it, Troy! Here it connotates the death of an old world, the start of something new and weird, a jounrey into the unknown. But, if I had my time back and had the story finished before upload, I'd have renamed it 'Deathless'. Whatevs)

[ThatGuyRoman]

Watched a bunch of random movies to get my mind off of things, literally just picked a bunch of random films off the shelf.

One of them was Bronson. Good flick, a tad darker than I was aiming for given my mood, but there was a whoooooole lot of naked Tom Hardy and that's always a mood-lifter.

[TheSecondLex]

Roman, if its naked Tom Hardy you're after check out Band of Brothers. It doesn't come up (ha!) until the penultimate episode, but he's there. Banging this German chciky when his superior office walks in and asks for some silver.

it makes sense in context.

[ThatGuyRoman]

Oh yes, I remember that scene, I honestly didn't even realize it was Tom Hardy until I recently rewatched the series.

[ThatGuyRoman]

I liked Band of Brothers a lot, but I found the Pacific left me rather cold.


Granted, I'm not really into war movies/TV shows but I wasn't feeling it like many others apparently did.