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[Stalzer2002]

Today, The Walt Disney Company shocked both Hollywood and the sports world by purchasing the contract of fading New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez. Disney Chairman Rogert Iger tells the Outhouse that he'll be starring in a future Star Wars project for the company. While Iger excused himself to go to the bathroom, this reporter noticed that he left the script on his desk. In an Outhouse exclusive, I can reveal that Rodriguez will be playing Luke Skywalker in Star Wars: The Extra Special Edition. Rodriguez will digitially replace former star Mark Hamill in the movie, leading up to a dramatic new ending in which Luke misses the all important shot to destroy the Death Star. When approached for comment, Star Wars creator George Lucas confirmed this development, saying "When I heard about these plans, I almost pulled out of the deal. I'd never change the content of these classic films and was reluctant to allow Disney to do so. I'm always incredibly concerned that the fans would be unwilling to accept these changes. But when I found out that Alex was in line to play Luke, I knew this was the right call. Throughout his Major League career, Alex has become synonymous with screwing up on a epic scale when he's needed the most. It is the sort of perfect casting that no one could reject."

[draco x]

Of course they are going to bring Vader back. His resurrection will no doubt be part of a desperate, last-ditch effort on the part of both the jedi and the sith in order to combat the untimely arrival of the mad titan Thanos!

Look for cameos by the Avengers, John Carter, the Muppets and Mickey Mouse as a new Jedi as well.