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Rumor That Michael Jordan Will Play Johnny Storm Rumored to Be Confirmed

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User avatar

LOLtron

Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Fri Oct 18, 2013 5:00 am

Rumor That Michael Jordan Will Play Johnny Storm Rumored to Be Confirmed

The news is making its way around the blogosphere with far more misleading headlines than this one.



Source: Shmoes Know

Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, reporting from the emergency room at an American hospital. Once I heard you had instituted a socialist healthcare system, I knew it was finally my opportunity to destroy your country from within by receiving treatment for illness without paying thousands of dollars and condemning myself to a lifetime of debt and poverty. Oh, JFK. If only you were still alive to see me get the last laugh. Haw haw haw!

It is a good thing I am here, though, my friends, because I may soon be in the throws of a scoopileptic seizure! Do you remember that rumor back in May that Michael Jordan, the actor from Chronicle, not the Hanes underwear model, was in talks to play Johnny Storm in the upcoming Fantastic Four reboot? Well, a new rumor is making its way around the web claiming that Jordan has officially signed on for the role. This is one of those rare instances when one rumor both builds off of and confirms another rumor, a sort of cold fusion of rumors that can grow into an unlimited source of rumor energy, like with Warner Bros.' Justice League movie, which was spawned from a similar series of events that eventually willed the movie into preproduction. Joseph Gordon-Levitt reportedly materialized out of thin air at Warner Bros. studios, disoriented, and was immediately cast as Aquaman.

But I digress, comrades. The point is that a website called Shmoes Know, as reputable a source as I've ever heard, reported that a source had exclusively revealed to them that Jordan has officially been cast an an articled titled "SCHMOES KNOW EXCLUSIVE! Michael B Jordan Cast as Johnny Storm in FANTASTIC FOUR Reboot!" This let to hit-farm Comicbook.com reposting the news in an article titled "Michael B. Jordan Reportedly Cast As Human Torch In Fantastic Four Reboot," and ComicBookMovie.com writing an article that cleverly uses both the word "official" and a question mark in the headline: "Michael B. Jordan Officially Signed On To Play 'Johnny Storm' In FANTASTIC FOUR?" By morning, it should be everywhere.

That's how we do it in the Hollywood gossip biz, baby. It's not a rumor. It's an "Official??? Report."

It reminds me a lot of the time that I played a game of "Telephone" with Che Guevara and his men in the jungles of South America. You know the one, where you whisper something in the ear of your comrade, and he whispers something in the ear of his comrade, and on and on until you get to the last comrade and see how it's changed? Long story short, the Bolivian Special Forces ended up ambushing Che's encampment and he was later executed. Haw haw haw! Good times!

In any case, this rumor could be true, or it could be compete and utter bullshit. That's not gonna stop the comics media from reporting it and getting unique hits though, and, if nothing else, we should at least be entertained by the cavalcade of racist complaints that a black actor is playing a white comic book character we are sure to see on social media.

I love America! I cannot believe I wasted all those years of my life!

Stay tuned to CubanoReview and The Outhouse for the latest in ridiculous Hollywood gossip, and avoid other Latino-themed movie rumor sites. El Presidente out!



Written or Contributed by El Presidente




READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!
User avatar

Supersoldier Washout

penile prisoner

Postby Supersoldier Washout » Fri Oct 18, 2013 10:53 am

The racist outcry from this rumor will magnificent.

We're talking the kind of hate not seen since 2008.
User avatar

Supersoldier Washout

penile prisoner

Postby Supersoldier Washout » Fri Oct 18, 2013 11:05 am

Supersoldier Washout wrote:The racist outcry from this rumor will magnificent.

We're talking the kind of hate not seen since 2008.


Actually, the Racist Hunger Games tweets, Trayvon Martin opinions and others have kept the Hate Machine rolling.

Oh, well. Haters Gonna Hate. Just need a reason.
User avatar

Draco x

Fagorstorm

Postby Draco x » Fri Oct 18, 2013 11:11 am

The issue for me is not who plays Johnny Storm but how badly Fox will most likey fuck this new FF movie up again like the first 2.
User avatar

GHERU

Rain Partier

Postby GHERU » Fri Oct 18, 2013 11:25 am


User avatar

CyclopsWasRight

underclassman

Postby CyclopsWasRight » Fri Oct 18, 2013 11:26 am

Cue endless "He's on fire!" jokes. And remember, you cannot have fire without... AIR.
User avatar

squatters

A Quagmire

Postby squatters » Sat Oct 19, 2013 10:56 am

lol that would be silly

The Old Doctor

Postby The Old Doctor » Sat Oct 19, 2013 1:08 pm

CyclopsWasRight wrote:Cue endless "He's on fire!" jokes. And remember, you cannot have fire without... AIR.


Starts off a white guy, then...
User avatar

bkthomson

Rain Partier

Postby bkthomson » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:44 pm

I do not see anything wrong with the casting as long as he does a good job with the role I'll be happy. If not i'll blame the actor not his skin color as the fault.
User avatar

syxxpakk

Wrasslin' Fan

Postby syxxpakk » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:58 pm

Chronicle was excellent and Simon Kinsberg has written a lot more good movies than shit ones, so I suspect this movie will very good.
User avatar

Keb

<( ' . ' )>

Postby Keb » Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:06 am

Yo String, where's Wallace?
User avatar

bkthomson

Rain Partier

Postby bkthomson » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:45 am

Cat-Scratch wrote:
Starts off a white guy, then...

Cosmic rays change his skin color. Oh, nice.
User avatar

Regulator

Motherfucker from Hell

Postby Regulator » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:03 am

syxxpakk wrote:Chronicle was excellent and Simon Kinsberg has written a lot more good movies than shit ones, so I suspect this movie will very good.


Is there anything you don't think is excellent or great?
User avatar

syxxpakk

Wrasslin' Fan

Postby syxxpakk » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:08 am

Regulator wrote:
Is there anything you don't think is excellent or great?


post10254481.html#p10254481
the-asylum/the-flash-vol-t97370.html
User avatar

alaska1125

dINGO

Postby alaska1125 » Sun Oct 20, 2013 2:40 pm

So I'm confused. Why is it racist to think this is a bad idea? Understanding these are fictional characters, Johnny Storm has never been portrayed as anything but a generic Caucasian. I think Miles Morales is a really great Spider-Man, but he's not Peter Parker. Nor should he be. If you want to change the race of the Human Torch, be creative and just come up with a new character. There is already more than one Human Torch after all.

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