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The Beast

Swedish Pinata of Death

Postby The Beast » Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:21 pm

No, it's not Aliens hell bent on reclaiming Giza as their first step towards global domination.

This, is serious business.

http://deadspin.com/5984350/the-coming-war-a-military-doctors-field-guide-to-masturbating-in-afghanistan

Scenario #6
You have forcibly secured a hostile walled agricultural compound and established a forward fighting position that serves as the living quarters for 200 men. They frequently decide to masturbate and wish to have a relatively private place to do so.

Field-tested solution: One may designate any room or crudely constructed booth as a "jack shack." The most effective procedure for establishing a jack shack is to (1) ensure no other function has been assigned to the space; (2) make a sign that says "jack shack"; (3) make a flippable sign that reads "vacant" on one side and "jerkin' it" on the other; (4) hang the signs; (5) jerk it.

The rub: As you somehow approach orgasm while surrounded by fleas, goat droppings, and untold zillions of camel spiders, and even though the space is clearly labeled and you have turned the sign to the "jerkin' it" setting, some dumbass may still barge in and say, "Oh shit, I didn't know that was serious." A temporary fix for this is to add a quick "no, really" to the "jerkin' it" sign.


I have never laughed that hard without drugs before. Don't get me wrong, I hate the game sometimes but I love the players and they get nothing but respect from me, even more so now.

I'm ass deep in deadlines but I'll be back soon.
User avatar

Keb

<( ' . ' )>

Postby Keb » Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:15 pm

Comments were serious business.
User avatar

The Beast

Swedish Pinata of Death

Postby The Beast » Fri Feb 15, 2013 6:40 pm

Keb wrote:Comments were serious business.


Some of them are fucking hilarious. I think my favorite is:

Smeagol92055 wrote: As a former military guy myself who never gave in to the urge to jerk it in the field:

Image
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Lord Ice

Motherfucker from Hell

Postby Lord Ice » Fri Feb 15, 2013 9:12 pm

This might make an awkward situation the next time I see my urologist, who's a total hunk and served 2 tours in Iraq. :oops:
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S.F. Jude Terror

OMCTO

Postby S.F. Jude Terror » Fri Feb 15, 2013 9:24 pm

Yuck!
User avatar

The Beast

Swedish Pinata of Death

Postby The Beast » Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:17 pm

Lord Ice wrote:This might make an awkward situation the next time I see my urologist, who's a total hunk and served 2 tours in Iraq. :oops:


Well it's not like everybody "jerks it in the field", I'm sure your urologist is a likely candidate for keeping his "jellyfish turds" in check. :wink:

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