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You may have heard that Thomas Jane, known as at least the third-best actor to ever portray The Punisher and star of the canceled TV show Hung, reprised his role as [A POPULAR CHARACTER] in a short film titled "My Movie," which debuted at San Diego Comic Con. Outhouse staff writer and admitted brony Zechs, overcome with excitement at all the My Little Pony news coming out of comic con over the weekend, published an article that spoiled the "plot" of the movie without posting spoiler tags, angering Jane deeply. Jane sent us an email today expressing his displeasure with this.
The Outhouse apologizes for, as Jane said in his email, "a guy named zechs blowing the whole plot of my shortfilm in a quick article on your site."
"why? what is cool about that?" asked Jane, who was obviously too distraught to use capitalization.
Nothing, sir. Nothing at all.
The fact is, The Outhouse doesn't expect our readers to comprehend the incoherent rantings about "hobgoblins" and "richarddsssss" that Zechs frequently posts, so it did not occur to us to vet his article for potential spoilers. We have, however, rectified the situation by placing a spoiler warning in the article.
For those wondering what the fuss is all about, we will post another description of the movie below, this time, with adequate warning that the description contains spoilers, and you might want to go and "experience the film firsthand instead of having it blown for them by a guy who 'saw it first.'"
The Punisher kills people.
The Outhouse hopes that Thomas Jane will accept our humble apologies and perhaps join us for an interview. In exchange, we will punish Zechs with a bare-bottom spanking from Outhouse Standards and Practices Chief Stoneman.
Zechs could not be reached for comment last night, though he was last seen disappearing into a bathroom cubicle with a stack of Doctor Doom and Hobgoblin comics, an old Punisher t-shirt, and a handful of little blue pills.
It is thought that he may be some time.
UPDATE: This reporter responded to Mr. Jane's email with an apology, a condemnation of the vile Zechs, and a mention of this retraction, and Mr. Jane seemed to respond favorably, for which we have much respect. Unlike the actions of Zechs, it is very cool to have a sense of humor about yourself, and it is also very cool to make a short film which serves no real purpose other than as a gift to fans. Thumbs up from the Outhouse, Thomas Jane. The offer to give an interview lambasting Zechs remains open.
Written or Contributed by: Jude Terror