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Batman #21 Cover to be Embalmed

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Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Tue May 14, 2013 5:31 pm

Batman #21 Cover to be Embalmed

The cover will be preserved using chemicals in order to preserve it for burial.

Source: Bleeding Cool

Bleeding Cool is reporting that Batman #21's cover will be embalmed prior to release, presumably to make a point about their company's dying sales figures.  While we're not certain as to why DC chose this particular book as it's one of their best sellers, we're certainly glad that they're subtly admitting the failure of the New 52 and preparing them to be shuffled off the mortal coil.

Curious as to exactly how DC will pull off this gimmick, The Outhouse asked two professional embalmers as to their methods.  First, we spoke to Josiah Vanderbeer, of Vanderbeer Funeral Homes, about the embalming process the comic book covers will undergo.  "Well, we start by injecting chemicals into the blood vessels," Vanderbeer said.  "Then we suck out all the internal juices out before replacing it with formaldihyde.  Then we repair any damage to the skin and stick 'em in a casket.  I don't see how we can do that with a comic book cover, but I guess we'll find a way.  Everything dies."

Imhotep, high priest of ancient Egypt uses different methods.  "We pull the brain out of the comic book cover's nose and stick it in a jar.  Then we do the same thing with the heart. Then we mummify it, stick it in a sarcophagus, build a pyramid around it and hope it doesn't come back to haunt us in 3,000 years."

We asked Dan Didio as to which method DC will be using for the comic book covers.  "Embossed, you morons," he said.  "I mean, no comment.  You guys are blacklisted." 

Not everyone at DC was offended by The Outhouse's mistake, however.  After kicking The Outhouse out of DC's offices, DC Editor in Chief Bob Harras reached out to several Egyptian mummies to get them to write some comics for the New 52, saying, "I've run out of creators from the 1990s to hire, but the 2190s (BC) are completely untapped."

Unfortunately, after successfully signing one mummy to write a rebooted Legion of Super Heroes book, the mummy walked... well, shambled really... off the book after editorial mandates threatened to kill off a prominent minority character. The Outhouse reached out to the mummy for comment, who responded, "HHHHHRRRRNNNNNNGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Written or Contributed by ThanosCopter

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Staff Writer

Postby xaraan » Tue May 14, 2013 5:32 pm

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Windom URL

Rain Partier

Postby Windom URL » Tue May 14, 2013 5:36 pm

Jude knows all about so-called "embalming fluid"!

At least when DC's sales set a new record 99% share of the market, we'll know carnies and high school students everywhere are happy with DC's decision to dip their comics in liquid PCP! :lol:
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Staff Writer

Postby Punchy » Tue May 14, 2013 5:37 pm

Embossed like a boss.
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Outhouse Editor

Postby misac » Tue May 14, 2013 5:42 pm

:lol: :lol:

This is a whole new level of silly. :smt023
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Outhouse Editor

Postby Zechs » Wed May 15, 2013 12:09 am

Great you made me crack up in laughter so much when I was reading this at work people had to gave me a look expressing: "What's with this guy?" :lol:
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Draco x

Regular-Sized Poster

Postby Draco x » Wed May 15, 2013 2:06 am

So when Harras pisses off the mummies he hired, will they join Frank at the Outhouse in vilifying DC?
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Staxth Kai Burberry


Postby Staxth Kai Burberry » Wed May 15, 2013 3:42 am

R.I.P. New 52!

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