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Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Original Sin

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Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Original Sin

Postby LOLtron » Tue Mar 18, 2014 3:40 pm

Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Original Sin

The event might have actual long lasting repercussions for the Marvel Universe, instead of the fake ones Marvel goes on about in their hyperbolic press releases.



Source: Marvel.com

Following the teaser yesterday that revealed that Captain America was becoming annoyed with Illuminati karaoke night at the Avengers compound, a new article on Marvel.com reveals more plot details about the Original Sin event:

This May, starting in AVENGERS #29 by Jonathan Hickman and Leinil Francis Yu, Captain America remembers.

“Since the first issue of AVENGERS and the very beginning of NEW AVENGERS, it’s the thing that’s been sitting in the background, the thing you knew would come to a head,” says Hickman. “Captain America remembering. That the Illuminati reformed and kicked him out because he didn’t have his blood up enough. He remembers.”

Following the loss of the reassembled Infinity Gauntlet in a desperate effort to prevent a collision of worlds, Captain America refused to concede to his brethren in the Illuminati. Aware Cap would likely never yield, Tony Stark and Stephen Strange removed him from the equation, tabula rasa in place of the memory.

 

It's not lost on us that the slogan for Original Sin can also be applied to assholes.

 

Fans have been waiting for Cap to realize what the Avengers did to him for some time now, as we all know that characters in the Marvel Universe can't commit heinous acts and not end up paying for them later, unless they are Wolverine. But with Original Sin reminding cap that his fellow Avengers can be dicks, the Marvel Universe may end up with more than it bargained for.

"I just wanted Cap to remember that the Illuminati stole his memories," explained Jonathan Hickman. "It would be a neat payoff to the story I set up in the first arc of New Avengers. But Cap is realizing all sorts of things I didn't intend."

We spoke to Captain America for more info:

"What the fuck has been going on around here?" wondered a disoriented Cap after having his memories restored. "Going around, keeping secrets from each other, making decisions that impact the entire universe unilaterally without consulting anyone else involved and then wiping out the memories of our teammates when they speak up about it? That's some supervillain shit right there. We're still the heroes, right?"

Cap took particular issue with Wolverine's prominent status on multiple iterations of the team. "Why is Wolverine an Avenger? That guy is a huge dick, and a Mary Sue, to be honest. Wasn't he running a covert black ops murder squad like six months ago in Marvel time? For fuck's sake!"

Cap explained that he would never allow a reckless killer to join the Avengers, much less to become one of its guiding forces. "Wait, you're telling me that during the Age of Ultron, we told Wolverine not to go back in time and kill Hank Pym, and he did anyway, and then he went back in time and unkilled Hank Pym and killed an alternate version of himself, and we were totally cool with that? No repercussions whatsoever?!"

Cap refused to believe that Susan Richards, the Invisible Woman, went with him and supported the whole thing. "There's no fucking way Sue would agree to that. That's completely out of character!"

But The Avengers have engaged in all sorts of questionable behavior in the last few years. "Did The Avengers invade a sovereign nation, demand that an underage citizen of that nation be handed over into our custody to be imprisoned on the moon for crimes she might commit in the future under the command of a bird-themed cosmic death god?" the befuddled sentinel of liberty asked about events that occurred at the beginning of Avengers vs. X-Men. "That can't be right. That's in violation of the U.S. Constitution and international law. Who sanctioned that?"

When we told Cap that it was his idea, he only became more resolute. "Wow, even I'm a fucking dick when I'm on the Avengers. Wonder Man was right when he said that The Avengers were responsible for everything bad in the world, even if he was himself being a major dick at that time."

Cap shook his head sadly. "Is this really what the Avengers have come to? Is everything in the world so grim and gritty that The Avengers, Earth's Mightiest Heroes, have to be pragmatic, rule-breaking anti-heroes who lie and cheat and manipulate and even kill? What happened to doing the right thing at great personal cost?"

According to our sources, Marvel is working around the clock to put this genie back in the bottle. "We're talking to Mephisto about a One More Day type of scenario," Marvel CCO Joe Quesada told The Outhouse. "It's been a few months since we last rebooted all our titles anyway."

"I'm not making a deal with the devil," Cap insisted.

"If it's good enough for Spider-Man, it's good enough for you," replied Quesada.

"Spider-man made a deal with the devil? Jesus Christ!"

At press time, Captain America was on his way over to the Weapon X facility in Canada to offer his apologies to Scott Summers for the Avengers fascist behavior over the past few years. However, despite his returned memories, Cap was still unable to figure out why the hell he jumped out of the carrier in Fear Itself #3, a plot point which was never referenced again throughout the rest of the event. The Original Sin storyline starts in Avengers #29 in May.



Written or Contributed by Jude Terror




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RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Original Sin

Postby Tyler Johnson » Tue Mar 18, 2014 6:11 pm

So....this isn't going to be Marvel's version of Identity crisis......is it?

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Re: RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Or

Postby Juan Cena » Tue Mar 18, 2014 6:36 pm

FBtron wrote:So....this isn't going to be Marvel's version of Identity crisis......is it?


The Marvel article is all Hickman talking. Original Sin is being written by Jason Aaron.

I'm thinking in the Avenger's case the events of Original Sin are being used to further along Hickman's overall story. The Illuminati wiping Cap's memory of the events of the first few issues of New Avengers is old news.
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Re: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Origin

Postby Supersoldier Washout » Tue Mar 18, 2014 8:51 pm

The Avengers have been such huge dicks lately that I get more penis envy by reading Avenger books than I get from hardcore pornography. (I blame the BMB Era)

That said, great article.
Kinda makes me want to read "Original Sin" now.

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Re: RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Or

Postby MikeinLA » Tue Mar 18, 2014 9:32 pm

FBtron wrote:So....this isn't going to be Marvel's version of Identity crisis......is it?


I'd say that was Civil War.

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Re: RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Or

Postby fieldy snuts » Tue Mar 18, 2014 10:21 pm

FBtron wrote:So....this isn't going to be Marvel's version of Identity crisis......is it?


Minus the rape. And making it multiple dark secrets across the board.

But the lack of rape seems to be the biggest difference.

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Re: RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Or

Postby S.F. Jude Terror » Tue Mar 18, 2014 10:42 pm

fieldy snuts wrote:
Minus the rape. And making it multiple dark secrets across the board.

But the lack of rape seems to be the biggest difference.


We don't know for sure no one is getting raped.
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Re: RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Or

Postby Draco x » Wed Mar 19, 2014 1:08 am

FBtron wrote:So....this isn't going to be Marvel's version of Identity crisis......is it?


That's pretty much what I thought when I read the premise. Hopefully it won't lead to someone's wife getting raped by a villain unlike some other event.......

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Re: RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Or

Postby SubjectDelta » Wed Mar 19, 2014 7:56 am

FBtron wrote:So....this isn't going to be Marvel's version of Identity crisis......is it?


I am yet another person who thought the same thing.

Isn't this the tenth anniversary of identity crisis? (I could research that before posting but I am lazy, just ask my wife). Is Marvel celebrating the occasion?

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Re: RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Or

Postby bkthomson » Wed Mar 19, 2014 8:34 am

S.F. Jude Terror wrote:
We don't know for sure no one is getting raped.


In the first issue you mean?
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Re: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Origin

Postby Supersoldier Washout » Wed Mar 19, 2014 12:11 pm

Wait...

Is this going to lead to another "Schism"?

While the only Avenger title I'm currently reading is "Mighty Avengers", I'm over the Hero vs Hero Marvel Universe.

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Re: RE: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Or

Postby IvCNuB4 » Wed Mar 19, 2014 12:16 pm

S.F. Jude Terror wrote:
We don't know for sure no one is getting raped.


"In the senses-shattering conclusion Iron Man will literally be shaken to his core as Cap takes his revenge by using the Infinity Gauntlet to fist Tony!" :twisted:
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Re: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Origin

Postby TimH » Wed Mar 19, 2014 7:11 pm

Was Original Sin Geoff Johns' idea? What is it with all this Bible stuff in the big 2? Is the "Beyonder" Marvel's Judas Iscariot? I thought Marvel was playing it cool and steering clear of Old and New Testament themes...

PS. Original Sin might be the most masochistic philosophical idea ever devised. So much for guilty until proven innocent. It's a felony just to be born.

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Re: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Origin

Postby TimH » Wed Mar 19, 2014 7:12 pm

Um, I meant, innocent until proven guilty. (I console myself for my error because most people get it backwards in practice, too).

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Re: Captain America to Remember Avengers Are Dicks in Origin

Postby dairydead » Wed Mar 19, 2014 9:34 pm

TimH wrote:Was Original Sin Geoff Johns' idea? What is it with all this Bible stuff in the big 2? Is the "Beyonder" Marvel's Judas Iscariot? I thought Marvel was playing it cool and steering clear of Old and New Testament themes...

PS. Original Sin might be the most masochistic philosophical idea ever devised. So much for guilty until proven innocent. It's a felony just to be born.


is it really that strange to think that people are just born with the capacity to fault?
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