When people turn their noses down at the comic book industry, Chaos is what their imaginations conjure.
Source: Chaos #1-4
Once upon a time, there was a comic book publisher named Chaos! Comics that was able to maintain financial solvency from 1994 through 2002, that’s nearly 8 years! Their popularity was fueled by bad-ass heavy metal characters, variant covers, and extensive cross over events. When it came time to declare bankruptcy, Lady Death was able to find a new home, but Evil Ernie, Purgatori, Chastity, and all the rest were passed between publishers until the rights were finally purchased in 2010 by Dynamite. Now, safe together in their new forever home, the characters (everyone except Lady Death, awwww sad face) are able to enjoy the love and respect they truly deserve. That’s why, to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Chaos! Comics, Dynamite has been releasing new stories set in the Chaos! universe, including some individual titles and the all-inclusive and aptly titled Chaos.
If you’re a seasoned comic book reader who already knew all that history, or maybe you are someone who was a fan of the original stuff, please contact me and explain what the hell is supposed to be going on in these books. Through the first 4 issues (of six), the plot is nearly incomprehensible and panders to juvenile fantasies. When I volunteered to review Chaos, only issues #2-4 were readily available. Co-reviewer Jeff Kromer, insisting that he picked it up because he normally trusts the writer and also that it was only a dollar, was willing to provide a summary of the first issue.
Chaos #1 RECAP! Shit's about to get real.
Purgatory (maybe? Red skin) is wearing a thong in prison. Eats a rat, busts out, yells at someone to fight her. There’s a shot of a Bone Castle on Boneworld? Or something? Might be the prison? Unclear.
Evil Ernie kills a pedophile Santa. Sees another chick in a push-up bra in a vision. His 90's button/logo talks to him.
Some Buffy knock-off gang interrupts a Purgatory/Vampire human trafficking shipment. EVERYONE IS WEARING MIDRIFFS. Somebody says "Bro" and someone else dumps some exposition.
Some Dr. Leonard Price guy is fucking with himself and something about dreams? IN AN ABANDONED MENTAL INSTITUTION!!!! Science words.
All of these scenes are, like, two pages and useless.
--- Jeff Kromer, distinguished Outhouser
And that's just the first issue! What else will you be missing out on if you don’t read this book?
Well, there’s a voodoo chick with a lace-up boob window. I have no idea who she is or why she's there. She keeps bringing people back to life to find out who killed them, maybe she's after Evil Ernie or something?
Then there’s a vampire chick in a fishnet outfit, who is apparently Chastity. Purgatori is holding Chastity’s punk rock boyfriend captive so that Chastity will follow orders and run errands. The boyfriend is like a mummy or something now, and Purgatori keeps him in a sarcophagus.
Purgatori likes oral sex with women, because LESBIANS ARE HOT. She gets angry when Chastity interrupts “All you have done is separate me from a pair of legs I planned to have wrapped around my head,” Purgatori bellows and suddenly she has wings and horns. For the entire fight we can simultaneously see the breasts and butts of both vampire-demon-women.
At some point Evil Ernie and the goth chick in the push-up bra do sexy stuff, but not really. Like she just rubs her giant melon boobs against him a little and almost kisses him. Apparently, that's just enough action for Ernie to forget all about the evil smiley-face pin/logo that's been babysitting him, but not quite enough action to stop him from inviting Chastity to ride on his motorcycle a few pages later. I hope the goth lady isn't the jealous type.
I could go on and on because there's like a million subplots with the monster hunter people and the dream doctor and UHHHH make it stop.
Meanwhile, the art is offensive both in content and quality. Maybe it's better than I could personally draw, but that's not saying anything. I mean, every part of this project is so far gone that it's come back around the other side. It difficult for me to comprehend that anything with a sentient editor could un-intentionally be so bad. We live In a world where Sharknado 2 is a thing that really happened, therefore part of my soul maintains a sliver of hope that Chaos is also a parody somehow. And then, I can't help but feel sad for these characters, that Dynamite brought them back, but let them be nothing more so-bad-it's-good.
I'm obviously not a fan of vampires
in general, so maybe I'm just not the right person to get the joke? All I see is horrible artwork, superficially "powerful" women who exist to fulfill immature fantasies in a boring, dated heavy-metal aesthetic. I see mature content like sexual references and violence with no thematic payoff. Chaos
is comic books at its worst. When people turn their noses down at the comic book industry, Chaos
is what their imaginations conjure.
Written or Contributed by Amanda Comi
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