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Double-Secret-Exclusive: Cranston as Luthor, Damon as Aquaman, and Other Unsubstantiated Rumors

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Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Sat Aug 24, 2013 2:00 pm

Double-Secret-Exclusive: Cranston as Luthor, Damon as Aquaman, and Other Unsubstantiated Rumors

The Breaking Bad star will play Lex Luthor in Superman vs. Batman, according to some baseless rumors.

Source: CosmicBookNews

El Presidente here, reporting from the panda cage at the Chinese National Zoo where I like to volunteer as a midwife.

Let me tell you something, comrades. I LOVE CosmicBookNews. You may remember last week when I reported on rumors from CBN about the upcoming Star Wars Episode 7, wherein CBN Editor in Chief Matt McGroin took every opportunity in the article to bash that second-rate, poser Latino-themed Hollywood gossip site, Latino Review.

Well, CBN is back this week with another bold and completely unsubstantiated rumor, this time about Superman vs. Batman. According to McGroin's "sources," Breaking Bad star Brian Cranston has been signed to a six picture deal to play Lex Luthor in DC's movieverse. This will supposedly be announced officially after Breaking Bad finishes, to maximize the publicity. The plan is apparently to have Luthor and all of the major DC characters appear liberally in every movie, or, if not actually appearing, be mentioned Poochie style by all the other characters so that moviegoers remember that this is a shared universe like Marvel's Avengers.

Folks, I gotta love the massive set of cojones on the appropriately name Matt McGroin. Not only does he state the Cranston rumor as a matter of fact, but he even labels the article an "exclusive" as well. Ha ha ha! I love this man! What does that even mean? Within five minutes of anyone reporting anything on the internet it's reported on hundreds of other sources! Well, this is better than an exclusive, my friends. This is a double secret exclusive! Suck on that, rest of the media!

McGroin also goes on to claim that Ben Affleck has a thirteen picture deal as Batman, DC wants to bring in Matt Damon to the franchise as Aquaman, and Mark Strong is rumored to return as Sinestro.

Most of these "rumors" are just things fans have wished for on message boards, but hey, they could happen!

My friends, the Hollywood gossip game is broken down like this:

1% legitimately sourced rumors.

9% intelligent speculation reported as coming from an "inside source."

85% keeping score.

5% paranoid rantings on Twitter about how Kevin Feige is out to get you.

CBN, like CubanoReview and The Outhouse, understands that the score is all that matters in this game. Nobody is going to remember how many times you got something wrong as long as, when something you predicted eventually happens, you can point back to it and claim an "industry credited trade scoop."

That's Hollywood, comrades.

El Presidente out!

Written or Contributed by El Presidente


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