The man suffers from severe allergies to bragging, gloating, and "told-you-so-ing".
Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
Howard Lindsey, an agricultural product sorter from Austin, TX, was rushed to the hospital after reading an article on Bleeding Cool and falling immediately into anaphylactic shock. The article, reporting on Andrew Hope's upcoming Fantomex MAX series from Marvel Comics, contained copious amounts of self-aggrandizement, to which Lindsey is severely allergic.
"When I got out of the shower this morning, I found him lying on the floor near the computer desk," explained Lindsey's wife, Carol. "He was bloated, kind of just shaking and frothing at the mouth."
Lindsey's entire body had begun shutting down after reading Bleeding Cool's report, which refered to an article on rival website ComicBookResources as running "the exclusive news that Bleeding Cool ran a couple of days ago," referring to Bleeding Cool's prediction that writer Andrew Hope, who teased a new series featuring a cult-favorite character made famous a long time ago by a popular British creator, would be working on a Fantomex series. The article also pointed out the inaccurate predictions of articles on ComicsBeat and MultiversityComics, which had both predicted that Marvelman would be the character Hope was working on.
"I took one look at the computer screen and said, 'Howie, you damn fool, you know you're not supposed to read that Rich Johnston site,'" Carol elaborated. "Every time he even looks at a headline from there, he breaks out into hives."
Carol called 911 and an ambulance arrived in time to take Lindsey and his wife to Seton Medical Center, where a team of surgeons went to work on him as soon as he arrived. He almost didn't make it.
"I've never seen a case this bad," said Chief of Surgery Dr. Gary Page, a Newsarama reader. "We nearly lost him."
By early afternoon, Howard Lindsey was in stable condition and recovering in a private room. Carol was in for another scare, however, when Howard woke up, checked Twitter on his smart phone, and saw that Johnston had been retweeting tweets from people admitting he was right all morning. Luckily, doctors were standing by with a crash cart and were able to bring Lindsey back from the brink again.
In the wake of this near tragedy, many are looking at Johnston to take responsibility for his gloating and grandstanding over comic book news that he reports before anyone else.
"Oi don't know what ye've got yer knickers in a bunch about, I don't," protested Rich Johnston when The Outhouse asked him for comment. "It's not like the whole article was about me ego, was it? Pip pip!"
The Outhouse can indeed confirm that the article contained an entire sentence fragment dedicated to pointing out that Shawn Crystal would be handling artwork on the book, with Francesco Francavilla doing covers. In related news, a woman allergic to reading too many variations of the word "exclusive" in a short time span was killed earlier today after reading CBR's original article.
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
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