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Outhouse Has No Jokes About New Scientology Comic Book

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Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:14 pm

Outhouse Has No Jokes About New Scientology Comic Book

The irreverent and satirical website finds absolutely nothing funny about the just-announced Battlefield Earth comic by Joe Pruett, Mike Perkins and Laura Villari.

Source: Bleeding Cool

The Church of Scientology has reportedly recruited (not against their will) Joe Pruett, Mike Perkins, and Laura Villari to adapt Scientology founder and hardy seaman L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction novel Battlefield Earth into a comic book, and, hey, we here at The Outhouse think that's just swell. Battlefield Earth is, in our opinion, an exciting and enthralling book by a skilled author, and we honestly can't think of a single funny or negative thing to say about it, most especially not that the book is to science fiction novels what Sharktopus is to science fiction movies.

We would like to reiterate that our support of this project has absolutely nothing to do with an irrational fear that we might be kidnapped from our homes and brought onboard one of the Church of Scientology's reconditioning yachts that sail around the globe inflicting physical abuse and torture on their victims, all for the not bizarre purpose of exorcizing bad Thetans, evil spirits that prevent Scientologists from reaching their full magickal alien potential.

Ha ha ha! Why would we even say that? The church doesn't do that sort of thing.

Seriously, we are really looking forward to this book. Scientology is probably, in our opinion, the best of all religions. I mean, it's just really plausible that human beings are actually the disembodied spirits of space aliens who were brought to the planet Earth and tossed into volcanoes a billion years ago by an evil galactic warlord named Xenu. That is not at all batshit crazy. It's the most rational thing we've personally heard all day, and if you disagree, well, you and we will have problems, mister.

Some of our favorite people are Scientologists. We love Tom Cruise, who is a great actor and not a nuclear grade weirdo, and who absolutely does not pay starlets to marry him to maintain the illusion that he is not an asexual robot. His marriage to Katie Holmes was 100% natural, in our opinion, and she did not need to make a daring nighttime escape from his clutches while he was out of the country in order to save her daughter Suri from a lifetime of intimidation and indoctrination by the Church. We would never say anything like that, because none of it is true.

And no, The Outhouse hasn't been taken over by the Church of Scientology. Just because they tried to take over Clearwater, Florida's government doesn't mean they'd try to quell snarky commentary through bullying and intimidation.

So, we're not even sure what the point of this article is. It could have really been just one sentence, a tweet even, saying that the comic is being made and that's it. It speaks for itself, and everyone is very glad about it, and it will sell like gangbusters, having a positive effect on the careers of Pruett, Perkins, and Villari, who, by the way, are in absolutely no need of rescue from top secret Scientology brainwashing camps.

The Outhouse won't keep you updated on this story because there's nothing else to say about, so, move along now. Nothing to see here.

Written or Contributed by Jude Terror

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Outhouse Editor

Postby misac » Mon Mar 25, 2013 5:48 pm

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The Outhouse


Postby The Outhouse » Tue Mar 26, 2013 12:58 am

We here at The Outhouse would like to point out that the comments of Paul Jay Salerno in no way represent the views of those of us here at this fine, Scientology-friendly community, who love Scientology, and whom it is therefore completely unnecessary to abduct and subject to drastic and painful reconditioning methods, though we know you wouldn't do that anyway, because you don't do that, haha. Thank you.
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Juan Cena


Postby Juan Cena » Tue Mar 26, 2013 7:53 am

You're gonna get us hacked by Anonymous, you know that?
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WTF is this rank?

Postby Chesscub » Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:35 am

Oh god. Will it be even more craptastic than the movie?

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